Marriage/relationship advice?
Hello everyone,
Im new here and would love an outside perspective. Everyone I know is a mutual friend of ours or just knows him in general. I’ve known my husband for over 20 years. Been together for 16 years and married nearly 12 years. There was a time where we broke up for a year but ended up getting back together and ultimately getting married and having 3 beautiful kids. Im a stay at home mom btw. I’m just curious and I’m being so serious. Do husbands actually help with the kids in all aspects and household duties? Apart from that women who have been in relationships for a while, do you feel like your husbands are genuinely into/interested in you? I ask because I’m legitimately on the brink of losing it and considering divorce. I love him very much but I feel so alone. Sure he’s there financially, but the way he sees it is if he paid for it he did all he needed to do. A summary of his words IDK….I feel like I’m in a friends with benefits situation and I’m exhausted! We sleep in separate rooms btw…It’s been like that since my youngest was born because he couldn’t be bothered by crying because he had to get up in the morning for work. (My youngest is 2yo)He only seems interested when he wants sex and leaves me breadcrumbs lead up to it… Idk I’m at a loss emotionally/mentally and I can see it taking a toll on how I react to my kids. Idk I just need perspective from others because I’m constantly analyzing and I feel like I’m going to go crazy! I’ve had conversations with him about how I feel and he always takes offense and then shuts down, gives me the silent treatment and acts like I don’t matter or he never knew me. So I stopped bringing it up because it’s the same cycle over and over again. I just wanted to feel like he truly wanted me and tbh I feel like a single married woman.
@limeMango730
Girl! I literally feel like I’m reading something I would have wrote! My husband sometimes has the same mind set. He thinks because he pays for the bigger bills that’s all he has to do. He does keep up with the yard like cutting the grass and everything outside, but when it comes to the inside then what? I work full time just like he does but why do I have to come home and still make dinner? I have heard like if you want something done, you have to literally ask them to do it? But then!?! Who asks them to cut the grass? Not me. How can they make that decision themselves but not think about the dishes that need to be washed or the toys in the living room that should be picked up. Feeling alone within your own marriage sucks, I know, I’ve been there. If mom is not happen, the kids will not be happy. On top of that, the kids are learning what you two do. Also the part of him not being bothered while sleeping? Like what!? Does he know what a baby or little ones do? Tbh that’s absolutely ridiculous. I was going to ask if you guys have sat down and talked about it, but then I kept reading. My husband would get defensive to but I really have to think about what I’m going to say and not make him feel so attacked so he doesn’t get like that. Using sentences that start with I feel or I think instead of you don’t do this you don’t do that? Have you tried that before and it still didn’t work?
@limeMango730
You are not alone.
It is not enough to feel like you are alone in a marriage. If he shuts down and silent because he cannot defend it. I sometimes think it is a bigger problem when one parent stays at home. we may not see how the other person sees things.
I would suggest you find a way to have a serious communication ... imo communication is not just a talk but being sure you both are on same page.
1. kids remember if all that was put in was money no effort
2. you cannot live long term like this, and things go back to a good relationship. the distance grows saving it is more important than trying to paste it back together. so many never make it back to the couple you once were.
3. try to see his side and talk in terms of understanding... it is pressure to support a family too.
Girl, you're doing amazing. Being a mother of three is a tremendous amount of work. And naturally you want attention and care from your husband, not just financial support. Your feelings are completely valid, you are a woman, and you want a strong shoulder to lean on.I am sure many mothers will see themselves in what you shared. I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone. I’ve seen other examples: both better and worse. Just know one thing: you have every right to your feelings, doubts, and needs, and you have the right to be heard by your husband.
