Is it normal to breakup multiple times?

211 Answers
Last Updated: 08/28/2019 at 2:48am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Sarah Macedo, LICSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I will meet you where you are at, listening with no judgement. Helping you find a path where you find improved functioning and getting 'unstuck'.

Top Rated Answers
SilentScreams2239
April 21st, 2016 2:16pm
It is normal but it isn't what is exactly okay. Multiple break ups shows that someone in the relationship just isn't all in. Usually the more hurtful relationships
Life705
April 17th, 2015 5:40pm
Sometimes it takes several breakups for us to realize that the person we are breaking up with will never be able to offer us the loving, committed and fulfilling relationship that we are looking for. We often end up entering into a relationship with them over and over again because we hope that this time everything will be better and he/she will be a different person now. While this might sometimes be the case, more often than not we will be left heartbroken over and over again and finally have to realize that things will likely never work out. Sometimes it's better to acknowledge this sooner than later. Because delaying the inevitable will in the end only leave us more heartbroken and cause us a lot of pain that could have been avoided
generousBranch2438
November 9th, 2017 9:39am
Hi All Im just wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this. So im 32 and my ex is 35, we were together 2 months we clicked and really liked eachother but she came to me and said she was really stressed with her job, which was true and that she had a gut feeling we werent right for eachother, we talked it out and left on a good note stopping contact. a month later she reached out to me to hang out again, we did, took it slow for a month but then we really fell for eachother and she told me she was madly in love and never had chemistry like this with anyone. so for about 6 months we were really improving and everything was great. she did mention she stil had the feeling now and again but thought it was just a fear she wasnt good enough for me but she said she could get over it. 2 weeks ago we went away for the wknd we got on brilliant and had great fun, she was a bit insecure about herself she told me on the wknd away but i assured her she was perfect. 3 days after we got back she come over to my house and broke up with me, she was genuine in saying she was mad in love with me and didn't want to break up with me but that gut feeling was overwhelming her. she kept saying she never had anything like this and didnt want to walk away but she had to because it wasnt fair on me. 3 days later i text her to see if she wanted to meet for a talk, she said ya. I planned going there to talk about what the problems were but as i walk toward her she ran gave me a huge hug and started kissing me, she couldnt keep her hands off me. so we got talking and tried to get to the bottom of that feeling and we cant figure it out. she is going to therapy for it. so i said ok if we are done i need to delete your number and stop contact even though i love you and want to be with you. she agreed we should cut contact but begged me not to delete her number. we havent talked in a week. if she reaches out i would love to give this another go and talk out the problems. any girls have a point of view as to why she would act like this? i think she is putting needles pressure on herself as she thinks her baby clock is ticking.
Nagisa
May 11th, 2016 9:06am
If you are breaking up with the same person on a regular basis it may be time to think about how healthy the situation really is for both you and your partner. What are the reasons for breaking up? Is it always because of the same reasons? Will the situation change?
Anonymous
April 17th, 2016 9:45pm
Throughout our lives, we all change. We face different problems, have different priorities, and meet new people who shape who we are. Your partner is the person with whom you share all of those changes with, and often it's a case of needing to fall apart in order to fall back together - it may take an emotionally charged action, such as a break-up to realise you're still in love with that person. It really depends on how frequently you break up, and whether the reason you break up each time is fundamentally the same. If you use each time you break up as an opportunity to further understand each other and grow as people, then this is completely personal to yourself and your partner and may be a progressive (albeit turbulent!) means of getting on in your relationship. However, if you're breaking up frequently, and the reason for doing so is the same, consistently causing problems in your relationship, then this is not healthy. If you're making each other unhappy more than you're making each other feel valued and appreciated, then you're not being kind to yourself or your partner by re-entering the battlefield once the war is over.
yoruichigo54
March 10th, 2016 5:31am
It's common for some relationships, but I don't know if I would say it's normal. A couple should only break up if there is serious problem with the relationship. If two people truly care about each other, they should be willing to communicate about the issue so they can move forward with their relationship instead of opting out when the going gets tough.
newbeginnings3
March 13th, 2015 5:48am
Every relationship is different, but think about why you both keep breaking up. Communication makes or breaks a relationship, any kind, and having good understanding of one another as well a s expressions of your thoughts and emotions is important. Also think if the relationship is honestly for you or not. If it is, do your best to work through your problem(s) and always talk and listen to both sides. If not, move on kindly, learn from this experience, and find someone more compatible. Good luck!
HoneyStarling
March 6th, 2015 12:25pm
In the same, single relationship? No, not really. A solid, loving relationship is just that. Solid. It doesn't need the heights and lows of drama and chemistry to keep it interesting and attractive. Constant break ups and drama can feel great, but they are exhausting relationships to maintain and can become hurtful or toxic as the 'break up' low swings deeper and deeper.
Thearrow
March 20th, 2016 10:41pm
Oh it is, it surely is, if you really love someone, you have to hit your head in the wall sometimes, love isn't always the easiest thing you experience in life, it is really hard, two people that love each other can break up, sometimes we just need to try new things, or explore other things to prove to ourselves that we really don't want anything else than the person we were with, to prove to ourselves that it is true love, I would say that a good relationship went through break ups, at least once.
TiredWithJoy
November 2nd, 2015 7:15pm
Breaking up multiples times means that your relationship show many normal helpful signs. Assertiveness, dispute resolution, reconciliation and willingness to try where you have failed in this past. Of course, repeating past mistakes infinitely is a sign of insanity. If you can learn and grow based on past mistakes, you are taking great steps forward.
Priscilaxx
May 1st, 2015 2:49am
Sometimes, that's what it takes to realize if you really want to be with the person. Do what makes YOU happy not anyone else.
RosieBlue01
April 15th, 2016 4:12am
No. It is unhealthy and you should have established that there was a reason for a breakup to begin with. You shouldn't have to force a relationship.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2016 12:08pm
I believe that if you break up with someone and then realise you cannot live without them it is fine and healthy for the relationship. However if you're breaking up multiple times its not good for your relationship. You need to think about the reasons you're breaking up and whether you can over come them. It seems as though you are in an unstable relationship and if you want to see a future with this person in particular it seems almost impossible to do so as you don't trust one another to stay together. Assess the issues you have and maybe you can progress past them and build a strong relationship.
Bblovetj
March 13th, 2016 8:29pm
It is normal, in fact I have broken up with the same person multiple times till I realized he wasn't right for me and eventually I stopped going back to him and moved on. I no longer talk to him and I now have a new boyfriend I love very much. :)
brilliantSoul17
March 7th, 2015 11:48pm
There really is no way to define what is normal when it comes to relationships. One of the things that is the most important to keep in mind is whether or not that relationship is making you happy.
gabbyyyy
April 13th, 2016 8:59am
It is normal, but when such thing happens it could be a symptom that the relationship isn't working well.
Compassioness89
December 1st, 2015 2:23pm
No. Either you stay with the person or you do not. There is no grey area. Even if either of you messes up, breaking up might not be the right choice and you should remain supportive and loyal to the person. Stable, that is. It is not helpful to break up over and over, because once this happens, trust can usually not be reestablished.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2016 2:17am
It depends upon your situation. If the relationship is toxic you should break up. But multiple break up also reflects commitment issues with a person.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2016 8:18pm
You are the one who decides what is normal. Relationships are a messy, beautiful thing. As long as you feel safe and in control, you are the only measure of what is normal for you.
MoonlitHaze
April 29th, 2016 3:31pm
Is it normal? Yes. In fact I see this happen a lot, especially in younger relationships. It's hard to let go of someone you loved or had good experiences with, especially if they were the first person you've felt that way with. But chances are when people break up multiple times they get back together because they miss the feeling, and not so much the person themselves. It's not always the case though. As for me my partner and I broke up about 4 years ago and started dating again this year. Things are going very smooth but thats because we discussed the reasons the relationship didn't work out in the first place. If you don't discuss it and figure out a solution, then it will not change and you will become stuck in that cycle. Sometimes its better to move on. It really depends on how willing the people involved are willing to figure out whats making the relationship rocky in the first place.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2017 4:36pm
Some couples are really passionate and go through many fights that lead to break ups. Then they go back together and enjoy the fresh feeling but it doesn't last long. So the real problems come back. So no, it is a sign of a non healthy relationship.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2016 8:41am
Its nothing wrong with that, we don't just find the right one right away…But don't worry, with some time you will find him or her :)
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 8:15pm
All relationships have there ups and downs. If your relationship requires you to take frequent breaks then it's normal for you, the key thing is that you're happy.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 8:58am
You are not broken. Beethoven, when people called him a slob, told people "I cannot feel guilty about this because God made me."
Vrity26
March 10th, 2016 11:14am
Yes, It's totally normal! When there's zero understanding and that person can't treat you good then why to be with such a person?
glisteningLynx61
March 10th, 2016 6:25pm
In some cases yes, but if it has been over 15 times then no . Honestly not every relationship is perfect so do not feel as if your love life just isn't how it's supposed to be because every relationship is unique do to its challenges :)
zaix
March 13th, 2016 3:11pm
usually, we tend to go back to the people that have hurt us the most. It's a flaw in humans but we get over it.
OpenedEyes
May 12th, 2016 8:05pm
Yes, breaking up multiple times is very normal. The real question is "is getting back with this person going to lead to more stress and possibly another breakup?" If so, really think about your worth and think about your happiness. You deserve to be loved and to be happy. With that being said, watch how you show your love and respect the others feelings because their happiness is your happiness in the relationship. That is unless you truly do not care about them. Then you need to find the person you think is right for you and that you will love.
LucyCat20
March 12th, 2016 6:14am
no, its unhealthy to keep placing yourself back into a situation that isnt improving multiple times.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 9:10am
No, I do not feel as if its normal for you and someone to break up multiple times. You shouldn't run back to the person that obviously is hurting you in such a way that you feel manipulated to come back