I so want to understand why my ex boyfriend has pushed me away....won't answer calls, makes excuses not to meet. I just want to speak with him.....he says he wants to change, but won't admit to depression completely. Says he's falling apart, living his life is scary. It feels like he doesn't care at all, but he says he does but needs time to get his life together. I think I have to give up soon. Its been 5 months, and I have heard every excuse and lie there is. He won't get help. I hate that he's struggling and suffering.
Sometimes you don't have the energy to talk. Sometimes it all feels fake - doing anything 'happy' feels weird. Sometimes it's hard to concentrate. Sometimes depression manifests as irritability or anger. Sometimes depression comes hand-in-hand with anxiety. Sometimes the negative thoughts that are a part of depression make them feel unworthy of being around others, or doubt that others care about them or want to be with them, or make them feel like a burden to talk about their troubles or be around others. There are many many reasons and these are just a few. It's very individual. It may help to journal if you're thinking about yourself, or to talk to your friend - if they are willing to talk. Letting them know you're still around and still care can sometimes help.
i think depressed people are afraid to get close to others. They are afraid to get hurt again or get left again
I would just try to outline what I used to do. When the depression was really bad, I couldn't understand why anyone would care about me, and therefore I always thought they were just there for selfish reasons and tricked me. Also, during that period, I'd always dwell on why people left me an hurt me which made me withdraw from my friends believing that soon they will go too, and it is better to try and protect myself from being abandoned. I am constantly expecting rejection. Another reason was, any human interaction was exhausting. The burden of there being a possibility that my words could hurt them really stung bad and my coping mechanism was to distance myself.
Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.
One of the first questions that depression questionnaires ask is whether you've ceased to find happiness in activities and things that you once enjoyed. That includes people too. When someone is depressed, we don't see the value in these relationships as we normally would. As a result, pushing someone away allows the depressed person more space to be in their own thoughts. And as you might imagine, this can be part of a spiral downwards.
Sometimes it can be easy to push people out of our lives when we have depression because it is easier to live by the rules of our 'depressed selves' when we are alone. It is easier not to have to put effort into speaking, doing activities and workloads - though extremely unproductive and doing so will allow depression to thrive a lot more readily.
Because they want to see if there loved ones really care for them and want to see if they will return for them, Or leave them like the rest, They push them not because they hate them... They push them away so they don't get hurt and want to know if there loved ones really care for them.
They are afraid that they might hurt or scare the people the love away if they were honest. Depressed people are afraid of letting people see them. They rather build walls and cover their sorrow and pains, when it should be the reverse.
You feel so bad you just want time on your own to sort yourself out. Its like jumping down the rabbit hole and needing that darkness and quiet to just let the world go by in silence for awhile until you can start to see that small thread of light at the end of the tunnel. Its nothing personal against the loved one.
Sometimes depressed people feel like they're burdening their loved ones with their problems, and they push them away to try to minimize their perceived damages. And sometimes depression can cause people to feel irritated and lash out, and want to stay away from their loved ones. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't want support, it just means they're not sure how to ask for it. Try to give them enough space that they don't feel smothered, but don't let them completely isolate themselves.
This is not a conscious choice, and we need to remember that depression can be just as hard to deal with when you are a loved one trying to support somebody as it can be to deal with depression. Those who suffer depression can lose the forest for the trees, as it were, and they have so much to worry about that it can be easy to not realise how strained relationships can get. Loved ones, in turn, don't always realise just how depression can manifest itself and what behaviour it can lead to, and especially if they have never had depression themselves, there can be a frustrating lack of understanding between both parties. No person who is depressed actively tries to push people away with a conscious intention to be vindictive or cruel, but often the stress of trying to manage relationships and deal with frequent misunderstandings by both parties can result in them trying to shut themselves away, rather than push other people out.
Depression is truly a struggle, filled with moments of self-doubt, hopelessness, and cynicism. Depressed patients sometimes don't want to spill over their emotions onto the people they care about. Other times, they're embarrassed about what they're going through, which makes them feel isolated.
Perhaps they're afraid to hurt or be hurt. They just feel like being alone all the time, cause it's easier that way. They won't get attached to people. And also, there is no chance they'll be betrayed (again).
Look at depression as a plague of the mind/body. It needs the body and mind to be alone for it to take full control of you. Having close relationships deters it from accomplishing it's goal of the disease, self destruction. So, depression cuts ties with your loved ones because it needs you to be alone and weak. It's not the person purposely doing it, it's the disease telling them they need to by making them paranoid or angry. That's just how it makes sense to me.
This is pretty standard for a person with depression. Try to imagine it this way. You feel horrible. There's a weight the size of a black hole pressing on your shoulders and another one residing in your gut. But people are trying to be nice, and this does not correlate with your feeling about yourself. The answer? Push them away. Make them go. Make the external world fit with your internal sense of self. Why not accept the love that is offered? Why not push away the darkness and depression? Because the darkness and depression are lodged permanently inside of you...Still, deep beneath the depression, there is still a tiny spark of a human who values his or herself. Sometimes that that shred of their souls manages to push out and raise its voice a bit. At moments like these, the depressed person can remember what it is like to not hate yourself, and it can be possible to accept love for a few moments. When friends, family and lovers support a depressed person, it does make a difference, even if the depressed person fights it. It's almost like a test to see whether you really care enough to care for us, despite our horribleness...It's not easy being depressed or being there for then the way they need you to be,but if you can find it in your heart to hold your ground,you'll make a commendable difference.
A side effect of depression is isolation, or the want of being alone. So sometimes, when we're sad, we think that we should be alone, so we push others away. An obstacle of depression is learning how to let people back in.
People with depression often push loved ones away because they find it hard to love themselves. Learn to love yourself again and you will find it easier to love another.
Because depressed people are so appalled/ down and well "depressed" by their own situation and how they're feeling that they 1. don't think they deserve to be close with anybody else, and 2. that they don't feel capable (at the moment) of handling a close relationship with another person. Hence, the keep pushing everyone away (even if those people want to help you get better). This is from personal experience.
It is different for different people - some feel that they are burdening others and push them away because they don't want to bother them, some may feel that they are hurting others and push them away because they don't want loved ones to suffer too, and others may feel that they aren't loved, that no one actually cares and feels that loved ones are just pretending so they push them away. There are millions of other reasons but these are just a few main ones.
Often depressed people push loved ones away because they lose a little bit of themselves in the battle they are fighting with depression. It can be hard to force a smile and often it can be easier to be "alone" when you are depressed. People sometimes develop an attitude of "nobody cares" or "I don't want to bother them" and so isolate themselves from others.
I think it's because they like to try and test if people really do care about them, if anyone would stay and comfort them despite being pushed away. Because no feeling is more pleasurable than knowing that someone cares and love you.
You make wrong decisions when you're depressed, lonely, sad, or angry. We can't help that, because everytime we're depressed, it feels like everything starts to fall apart. So, you just make decisions without even thinking about it.
When someone is depressed they feel as if no one cares, so they figure they aren't cared about and push others away.
Depressed people push loved ones away because they want to be left alone. But at the same time they don't. When I was deeply depressed, I pushed my family and friends away because I wanted to sulk and hurt alone. I didn't want help.
Usually people with depression push their loved ones away because they want to be alone. They isolate and just keep themselves. Sometimes it's from not trusting themselves or others, or being afraid they'll break down in front of them, especailly if the loved one knows nothing about their depression
simple. they don't want to get hurt by anyone. if they push you away then they don't have to lose someone else.
Often times they believe that they don't deserve the love that their loved ones offer, but in reality, their love is probably what will help them out the most. Embracing your friends and family and keeping people close will be an enormous comfort to them. If someone pushes you away because of depression, please do not take it personally. They are going through a hard time, and it is best to offer sympathy and reassurance to them.
Because the believe that their loved ones do not understand their situations therefore cannot help them.
When people feel depressed it is possible that they feel no emotional connect to their loved ones and do not experience pleasure during interactions with them (anhedonia). Sometimes when struggling with suicidal thoughts people may feel too afraid to tell others and push them away for this reason. It is also quite possible that those who are experiencing depression feel that they are a burden and feel guilt at dragging others into their misery. Sometimes people may isolate themselves as the effort of everyday living, dressing, looking presentable and maintaining a clean living environment becomes too much and they can feel great shame at not conforming to behavioural norms despite the fact that you will love them no matter what.
It's not particularly that they mean to push people away it's more that they are going through a lot in they're lives and they may not particularly know how to speak to someone or they might not know how to explain how they are feeling to the people they care about.
Because when you are depressed you are hurt inside and when you hurt you tend to hurt the ones around you and most of the time the people you spend the most time with like your love ones will be the ones that you hurt the most.
Because they feel they don't deserve their love, they even hate themselves, and they feel that no one could help them. The feeling of despair is so deep, they can't feel the love of others anymore, they are so lonely.
There have been times in my life when trauma from my past has seemed to be more bothersome than other times. Sometimes I will go for months without ever consciously thinking about my trauma. But at these times when I am more aware of the past pain, I can sometimes feel shame. Shame will often move a person to silence, for fear of being judged. Of course in that silence we can become very vulnerable to depression. Shame breeds fear, fear (of judgment) leads to silence, silence can drag us into hopelessness. BUT,... a single brave word, shared with a trusted listener can reboot our perspective. Just reach out, speak out, come out of the dark lies of shame.
Depressed people are trying to organize their own thoughts and that they don't want their loved ones to get involved with their problems. (that is one reason). It could also mean that the individual is trying to distant themselves away from others so that they don't have to deal with the interaction with others while they are dealing with such issues.
Basically, they're scared. They don't dare to show it out to others about how they really feel. I myself was depressed. I pushed them away because I knew that nobody liked negativity, and it's always this negativity that is the origin of all the problems that comes with it. We're scared of showing others the true and raw self, the side that we have kept for who knew how long. If we don't push them away, we feel exposed. And a lot of times, the loved ones just can't understand what we are thinking, giving (let's just be honest) useless innocent advises, wishing that we'd just suddenly go back to being happy. A lot of times, they just don't understand how depression really is like. Many thinks that it can just go away suddenly like having a cold. And it often frustrates them when they realize that they're of no help for you as you're fighting against such a tough war. For us depressed people, we will then feel bad that we're passing this negativity to others, "destroying" the innocence and purity. It makes us feel bad that we're the ones being different. Looking at others who are able to just love so easily, it makes us feel that we're different, more like weird. We see a border separating us and the loved ones, where we both live very different lives, think very different things, and has very different personalities. We push loved ones away, because we don't want to see any of these happening. We're just trying to prevent anything worse to happen, although sometimes, by doing this, we're just making it worse.
Depression stems from a variety of things. In my experience, my depression derived from always being alone or feeling neglected by those I graved attention from. I was one man standing alone. Being in the house with no siblings or nobody to call that truly understands what I'm going through drove me to insanity. Sometimes I don't even feel like talking, because you feel they don't care.When you're alone that's when, the mind has a way of turning you against your own self. If you're constantly alone, that's when your mind and the devil himself, plays tricks on you. Talking to people, especially the ones that are the closest to you seems like the hardest thing to do. Even iuf you know your hurting them, you care but there is something , for me it was negative energy that stopped me from simply just talking and having a good convo. Having real fun and finding real happiness seems impossible, especially because you don't try sometimes. You dwell mostly in sadness and loneliness because that's all you know. Feeling unworthy is another problem. It also makes you paranoid, you become confused, your overthinking sometimes feel true, and it changes your view on certain things you see and hear .Depression is no joke, whatever your faith is seek God, build yourself , talk to someone and never give up on finding and completing who you are. Don't allow this to destroy any relationships, especially with the ones that truly loves you, because when they get tired of the things you do and finally turn their back, you will feel the harshest blow.
It's often a defense mechanism because the mind of a depressed person they do it to protect themselves from being hurt by others. Having depression already makes one feel low enough as-is, and to prevent external factors from being an additional cause, pushing people away is a way to cope.
Being someone who has experienced depression myself, we tend to push people away because our depression makes us feel like a burden, so it's not so much us pushing people away because deep down we want you there, we don't want to be alone, but it's more that we pull away from our loved ones because we don't want them to worry about us, we don't want them to have to deal with the weight of depression on top of their already busy lives. In the end it isn't logical in any way but that's how we feel.
depressed people push loved ones away because they are afraid of getting too close and keep losing the ones they care about and going through the pain
I think that someone who is depressed pushes people away because they are not stable enough to be able to handle themselves, let alone another person.
I think they do because of different reasons. Sometimes they dont want to hurt the people they love... dont want to scare them away. Or they dont want to be left so they leave to make it easier for both sides.. even though the 'loved one' wants to stay with that person no matter if they are depressed or not.
Depressed people often feel as though they aren't understood. They push people out of their lives, even their loved ones, because they don't feel as though these people care or understand what they're going through, so they isolate themselves.
They don't mean too. Sometimes the feelings of worthlessness, guilt and hopelessness (among some), are what makes people push loved ones away. The thoughts of "im a downer", "they must hate hanging out with a downer", or more severe "no one loves me or cares, I want to just...", among the "Im not worth it" and "I feel so guilty I cant get out of...". Depressed people need loved ones more than ever when they start pushing you away. They need people to be there with them to just listen. No advice or well meaning platitudes. Maybe a little bit of guidance to seek more help if necessary.
Depression is a very isolating illness. The person will feel like they don't want to talk to anyone and withdrawn. They will also feel like they don't want to bug others or depress them. They may feel like a pest or guilty for feeling bad. Oftentimes, depression takes a toll on self-care too, which can make a depressed person even more self-conscious when trying to talk to people. Depression also saps a person's energy and concentration ability, making it difficult to make an effort in conversation and be able to focus on the person. Depression can also cause a person to feel apathetic and like they can't enjoy things like before, like conversations. There's an element of shame too. All of these can cause depressed people to push people away, even loved ones. But, don't be fooled by their pushing away behavior, depressed people need the most support from others in order to get better. Otherwise, they may turn to addictions or become self-harming.
Its hard to bee depressed. You can feel like you are bringing down the ones you love and that makes you want to push them away. Just be there for the person, even if they dont want to talk about it, support is a great help in healing.
Simply because depressed people have been hurt multiple times. They've gotten to close to people and then they rely on them and tragically, that person makes them feel worthless. Depressed people want to be safe and loved truly. But they've been hurt for so long, they don't know how to love anymore.
Depressed people don't want to hurt others, so they try to push away others before they get too close.
Depressed people push loved ones away because they feel as if their not good enough for anyone around them.
In my personal experiences, depression made me feel a tremendous sense/desire of isolation. I didn't want anyone else to see my pain or worry about me because I didn't feel I was worthy of help. It probably varies from person to person, but that's how I would explain it.
Depressed people have a tendency to feel a deep guilt for not being the person they think their family needs them to be. They don't feel like they deserve to be loved.
Everything seems pointless. They don't feel that they are capable of your love. They may not want to burden you with the depression that they are going through so they push you away.
There are a lot of reasons. Lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of hope... People with depression sometimes don't want help or feel like they can't be helped. They feel like it's easier to keep people at a distance so that they can't disappoint you. Depression is really an internal struggle and it can be really hard to let people see that part of your life, even the people that you care about the most.
When someone is depressed they like to isolate and back away from loved ones for many reasons i find that they don't have the energy, or that they dont want someone to notice because its a comfort zone and they can't be pushed away from that.
Seeming as I know the feeling of being depressed and what you go through, I believe that the reason people who suffer from depression push people away is because they feel like everyone around them hurts them in a way, and they feel as if nobody cares for them. So instead of letting themselves be hurt or heartbroken, they believe that it would be better to push loved ones away so that they cannot hurt them.
It might be different for everyone, but sometimes it's easier to be alone. Sometimes it's easier not to face the people you know care about you and know that you're making them sad by being how you are, because you can't help it or don't want to help it and you don't want to look at them and be reminded. It hurts.
Because they feel they don't deserve to be helped. In this situations it is important that their loved ones are there for them and not to leave their side. It could really help them to realize they do have someone that cares about them and it could make them feel better.
Sometimes people push loved ones away because they have a fear of "overwhelming" their loved ones with their problem. Sometimes it is a fear of putting their problems onto someone else. When you are depressed you feel that your issues are bigger than the world, so we protect our family and loved ones from this bigger than the world problems. Being depressed you know the weight of your issues and you feel ashamed and saddened to put that on someone else.
Depressed people often feel like they don't deserve the love they get from their loved once, and thus they push them away.
Sometimes the expression "you need to love yourself before you can love others" rings true in relationships. Loving others fills a void that you feel within yourself, and sometimes it can be overwhelming for the other.
Every depressed person is diffterent, as they are still individuals. To share my own experiences refractory depression and multiple co-morbidities and metabolic issues let me state the following: As some have mentioned I have pushed people away because I did not feel worth their time. I believed I would be a burden to them. At other times, I have felt completely worthless and yet desperately wanted someone to break down my barriers and show me I really have value. So I pushed everyone away, hoping someone would push back. I also suffer from PTSD and Agoraphobia type II (congenital structural not learned) along with anxiety attacks. I am an introvert so sometimes I pushed people away because I could not bear being around people. This was especially true when the people represented groups or authority figures that might demand I step back into public light. Going back to the 2nd reason, I also at times wanted someone strong enough to let me rest in their protection, so they needed to be stronger than me, again so I pushyed people away. There you have 4 different examples of how I pushed people away, can I say your boyfriend is thinking along any of those lines? No. But you can also ask yourself this: If I fight to sdtsnd beside him, and he rejects me, is it any worse than if I leave when he forces everyone else away for me?
Hi my fiance of 12 years is suffering anxiety and severe depression. He has up amd left me and our 2 kids and says he wint be back 😢 he is in a new relationship already within 2 weeks after leaving! He was on medication and now he isnt and wont seek help. Why is he refusing anything i try and suggest to him am so confused
Because depressed people know that saying they are depressed or they don’t feel good only make things worst. Most of the people around would say its just on the mind, find a hobby, its just your imagination, etc. And it hurts the most hearing those from your loved ones as if you invented an imaginary disorder like it doesn’t exist. That’s why people with depression push their loved ones, because they’re hurting. And don’t want to hurt them by proving their point so its better to leave.
I want to thank the people here that answered to the question about a similar experience I'm having at the moment, it's helping a lot. I just broke up with my boyfriend. In the last weeks he was irritable and sad, he was avoiding me and trying to break up with me. In some short frames he was still the sweet man I'm in love with. He looks like giving up on everything, nothing matters to him. He is alternating moments in which he is saying he is a lonely person and I have to live my life because it doesn't work between us, he is scared of hurting me and other moments in which he is aggressive and he is offending me saying that I don't love him and I just want to manipulate him. He was never diagnosed and he is in denial, I can't pronounce the word "doctor". When I got how big the problem was I was scared and I gave up the n-time he tried to break up with me. I saw him after 4 days (in this time he never searched for me), and he was worse, he is just working or passing his time alone in the dark, he started drinking. I realised what happened and how much I love him and I told him that I did a mistake, he is of course refusing me, but actually there is not that much difference with the behaviour he had before breaking up. When we first met he disappeared after one month, saying that he didn't feel like being with someone. At that time I kept writing him for 2 weeks some small texts until he decided to talk to me again. We were living in 2 different countries and I didn't know what was going on but I had the feeling something was wrong and the thing was outside us. After that we had amazing months together and he was always thanking me for insisting that time. I'm trying to adopt the same behaviour this time, although I start to feel like a stalker. Last thing he told me was that I do so just because I want to play with his mind not because my love is true, I asked then if he wanted me to stop and he said no but he doesn't feel like seeing me. I've being stalked more than once in my life and I always blocked the person on all the possible channels, so I guess he somehow likes to read my messages. I feel that it's not true that he is annoyed by me, if I don't push him to meet or talk about topics he doesn't want to. Although he is trying anything to discourage me from thinking about being back together. I'm very worried for him and for other self harm choices (for example about his job) that he could do in this times. I feel a bit guilty for not understanding the situation before and I don't know what I should do now. I can just hope he can find the way to put his pieces together again, I don't care if doesn't want me I just want to see him happy again.
It can be very difficult to experience such strong feelings of sadness. It can present itself as a physical pain or absolute numbness, that can make you too exhausted to speak or interact. People can also feel as though they are a burden to loved ones, and push them away so they don't hurt them.
Depressed people think they don't deserve love from anyone, that they are useless and noone can love them anyways. So they push people away in order to save themselves from their future heartbreak cause according to them, people are just acting like they love you even though they know deep inside people love them but it is very hard to accept that when you have so much self-loathing. Or thats what i feel, not sure how it is for others.
From what some of my friends who deal with depression has told me it's a way to keep themselves for getting hurt even more. They find the less feelings and people in their life the less hurt they receive from it. The selfishness for their own mental health kind of comes into play.
Depressed people often push people away in fear of being hurt or hurting them. Another reason could be that they feel like they are a burden to their loved ones(I can confirm this since i am diagnosed with depression). So if a loved one feels like they burden you, then take the time to reassure them and say you really love them.
Depressed people generally feel like they aren't worth anyone's time and know it, so they feel guilty about it. They might also feel like they are not nice and feel it is best to avoid people to save them from being hurt.
They do that because they feel like the loved ones won't understand them- the way they feel etc- and also for not hurting them while they experience anger, bad moods or so. Some depressed people may need time for themselves/to be alone, so they might isolate even from the loved ones.
They don't do it on purpose I can promise you that love.I have my bad days and my good days.On my bad days I say harmful and do regretful things to my love ones that I don't mean to do.If you have someone with depression if your life just try your very best to understand them try to sit down and talk to them.
I think they do it because they are too scared of their dear one's reaction , or feel that they might be a burden to them I know some people who prefer getting help from a total stranger than from the one they love
While in depression the person always feels negative and down and that person doesn't want their loved ones to feel their negativity they don't think that they can be helped and that he or she would only bring others down
What ive found from personal experience is that its not that the depressed person hates them but rather they dont want to hurt or burden the loved one. In a sense the farther from the person you are when something bad happens the less it hurts like a bomb kinda.
Well, I know from experience that it's not something you can always control. Depression causes you to feel lonely and misunderstood, too different to fit in with anyone else. You start believing that no one will ever understand you or the way you think. Or you could be thinking that they're better off without you, so you pull away. Most of the time I just wasn't in the mood to talk or found the conversation trivial. I felt a little out of place, so I rather chose to be alone. Also, I often didn't have the energy to attend parties or events with friends and always made up an excuse not to go, which just made the rift even bigger.
They could possibly not want to hurt others while they are hurting or they simply do not trust people not to leave them, so they make it easy on themselves and push others away.
Because they think they are the reason everyone is unhappy and is having problems and therefore feel that everyone would be better of without them.
Sometimes people with depression just want to be alone, because they don't feel like socializing. Because of this they tend to push people away. This is unhealthy however, and can make matters worse. It is important not to give up on someone you think may be depressed, even if they seem to not want you around. Tell them how you feel, and encourage them to get help.
Depressed people push loved ones away because they do not love themselves ; therefore they feel no one else is able to love them.
Because they feel like a burden. Also.well-meaning loved ones sometimes make it harder because they don't truly understand what the depressed person ins experiencing. Just stick by the person, let them know you're there - and then let them be.
Because, when people are depressed, they feel as if they are not worth anyone's time or they believe that they will just bring others down with them.
Depression is a serious disease which no one should take lightly.when you are in that state you feel a sense of loneliness and unloved .you feel people don't get you even your loved ones it's not deliberate but such kind of people deserve full support and need to be treated effectively.
They feel like there alone its very hard to explain they feel that they just need to be alone to figure them selfs out
Because the thing, they do not deserve their love. They think that thet do not real love them. The feel unuseless, unwanted. But in reality they are not. The are not alone
Many times when people are depressed they are churning in emotions of unworthiness and guilt. They feel that they are the blame for everything that has gone wrong in their life. So many times they feel that they are a burden and don't want to be a bother to anyone else.
We don't feel connected with that person. We don't feel like talking and we don't feel that they benefit us in any way, they just make us want to be more isolated from the world.
They feel that their family can not help them and that there is no need in family. They are sad and dont want to be bothered really.
They do not want any bit of their compassion anymore. They wish to stay alone. They feel guilty of doing wrong to someone..
We push people away because they don't know what its like, and they assume and don't understand Anything
This is how they feel like. They don't want them around, or they may have hurt them. Actually many various reasons. No need to take it personally, don't give up on your loved ones who are suffering from depression.
Some people tend to isolate themselves when they are feeling depressed.