I am very confused about my sexuality. How can I determine what my sexuality really is?
120 Answers
Last Updated: 03/01/2021 at 10:40pm
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Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
Sexuality is unstable thing, it may change overtime. You don't need to put a label on yourself, just be with who you want to be. That's it.
When I began to question my sexuality it took me a while to try and deny it for a while dispite having a massive crush on someone of the same gender. I found the best way to be properly sure was to give it time, then you can be sure if you are gay or bisexual. Coming out to early can be embarrassing if you discover something different from what you originally said, for example if you come out as gay and later discover you are bisexual, it can be hard to come out a second time. When trying to discover whether I was gay or not, I would ask myself, 'if he/she asked me out, would I say yes' and I determined how I felt through that. Good luck to anyone coming out and you can always talk to me, even if I'm not online send me a message and I will reply.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2016 4:21am
Sexuality can be a long process to figure out. Experimentation can always help but is not always needed. I personally never kissed a girl but I know I am attracted to them. If you feel a certain box dosent fit there are endless sexualities and ones that don't need defining.
Don't think too much about it. If you like someone, you like them. you don't need a lable for this.
In today's society you don't really need to label yourself or come out.
Google can help you look for labels that "click" with you, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you call yourself so long as you're comfortable being you.
In the end, nobody can tell you what your sexuality is but you. I realize that this might not be the answer you're looking for (it's certainly not the one I was looking for when I was questioning my sexuality), but it's also a very empowering realization to have. Maybe you switch labels, maybe you're mainly attracted to one gender with the occasional exception, maybe you're bi or pan or maybe you'll decide you don't want a label at all. The great thing is, you get to decide, and you're not obligated to explain your decision or even to share it. Ask yourself who you're attracted to, who you'd like to be in a relationship with, and why you like those people- just thinking about and exploring your feelings towards others is often super helpful when you're questioning your sexuality. Just remember, you're unique, and your preferences are valid.
Well, I suggest looking up every type of sexuality there is. Then think, "do I like the same gender, the other gender, both genders, no genders, ect and look up things along those lines.
Well you can try and ha e a relationship with the sex your confused about your sexual orientation with and if it feels right it is your sexual orientation:)
Do not try to define yourself. Just be with the person you feel like. If you feel like being with girls, be with a girl. If you feel like being with boys, be with a boy. If you feel like being with both, be with both! Do not label you, the label doesn't matter, just do what you want at the moment
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 11:53pm
Give yourself time to work it out. Think carefully about how you feel before you go rushing into anything.
Time will tell. If you surround yourself with the right people and do some research on what you think you might be, go for it! You don't always need to label yourself and what your sexuality is, but you can always research different sexualities and determine yours that way.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 9:45pm
Your sexuality is a complex thing, It's something your Cant determine, If you like someone you like them and if you don't then you don't.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 8:13pm
I have been going through this too, in the last summer. Watching coming out videos and listening to people talking about their feelings and realization when they found out helped me a lot. But I mean you dont have to determine and label yourself. Instead of wanting that you could just say that it doesn't matter who you have a crush on. If it happens then it happens and thats okay :)
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 1:13am
Introspection is very important - maybe you can write down exactly what you're attracted to in people, both physically and emotionally. Another great step to take is to talk to people within the LGBTQ+ community. Start asking people about their own experiences when discovering their orientation. This is a great way to connect to others that might feel the same way you do.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 6:12am
Everyone's journey is unique and different. There's no set rules on how to determine your sexuality, it's all up to you and your path to self discovery.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 4:29am
Keep thinking about it until there is not one doubt in your mind. If you rush into it, you could interpret the wrong things from your feelings.
That's a very personal question, do some soul searching, maybe even experiment. It'll come with time and personal growth.
Sometimes we have questions about our sexuality. That is normal. Find what makes you happy, and be what you want to be, not what others want.
Explore the waters. If you are attracted to one gender more than the other, embrace it. Your sexuality is yours. It's not something that someone can tell you!
It's natural to feel confused about what you're attracted to or what you're interested in. The best part about being confused is, you're in no rush. You don't need to prove to anyone or be any one thing. Just explore your feelings by talking to friends you trust, or reflecting on what you value in people. A lot of people go through these feelings, but that's not always bad.
Just find out what really arouses you and accept that. Simple !!!
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 11:37pm
Sexuality is a very difficult thing to determine. When I tried to determine mine it took a very long time for me to figure out what I really was. With time will come knowing who you are, and knowing your sexuality. There is no explicit way to determine this is what I am without thinking long and hard about it, and past experiences first
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 10:31pm
Probably just time and experience will tell you, you don't have to determine it, you have to feel it
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 8:27pm
A person doesn't have to define there sexuality. You like who you like whether its a girl, boy, both or neither. Gender does not matter.
What your sexuality is, doesn't really matter as you being a person, What makes you this unique person is your personality not your sexuality. As time goes, you'll eventually figure it out without purposely thinking about it.
Anonymous
March 11th, 2016 5:11pm
You don't have to label anything, but if you want to, try searching online for a sexuality that fits what gender(s) you like/dislike .
In all honesty, you may not determine exactly what it is. This is because everyone is different and unique, and not only does that mean that a word for someone else may not fit you, but also that you will react differently to everyone else. Don't worry if you cant find what is 'you', but embrace that. You're unique! You're you! And more importantly, you're amazing. If you really want to find out who you are, get involved with LGBT+ communities. Find other people who are like you, and maybe together you can find who you are. Don't stress yourself over it.
I know that it can be quite frustrating to not be able to not be able to label your sexuality to put a name to it; but personally, I would just say to follow what is in your heart and get to know yourself. Don't feel pressured to put a name to it. Not everyone strictly identifies to one sexuality, and it would be impossible to label every sexuality in the world. Everybody is uniquely them.
If you do wish to put a name to it, just get to know yourself and overtime, you will find the term (or terms) that works best for you. But remember, you are uniquely you. :)
Anonymous
March 11th, 2016 5:52am
Just be who you are and who you want to be :) Nothing is wrong and also nothing is right too. Be yourself :)
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