How do I come out as nonbinary?
Last Updated: 10/14/2021 at 1:40pm
Parvathy Venugopal, MSc in Clinical psychology
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I came out first to people who already understood what it meant to be nonbinary, whether if it was just because they knew the literal definition, or because they were nonbinary themselves. It tends to be the easiest environment to do it, and it can be really encouraging to be in a safe space with people who know what you're sharing. Telling people your preferred pronouns (he/she/they) is also a good place to start. Same goes with the name you'd prefer to be called (if it's different than something you were called before). Basically just finding ways to explain to people how you identify yourself as a person and what you feel comfortable with is a really good way of opening up about your gender. Also, having just a calm conversation with people, and answering their questions (if you want to, and if they're someone who actually cares) can really help. The more people tend to understand it, the less they seem to fear it/feel negatively towards it. I hope that helps!
Tell one person who you trust first, make sure you are prepared to tell them exactly what nonbinary means and even how you discovered it yourself. good luck.
Coming out as nonbinary requires a bit of explanation on your part, especially if the person or people you plan to come out to know nothing about the term. It might be best to prepare an index card, pamphlet or have a well thought out explanation before hand before coming out to some one as nonbinary. Do be prepared for questions and concerns coming from those you are coming out to; try to answer them to the best of your ability as well.
As somebody who's nonbinary, I've found it can be a lot of explaining! But if you feel comfortable with somebody, and you want them to start using your preferred pronouns and name, then I'd start by telling them one-on-one. Best of luck; I hope it goes well!
Accepting your gender if the first crucial step. In order for others to be comfortable around you, you need to be comfortable with your own self. Self-reflection and research can help you better understand your gender identity and also give you the answers when people close to you might have questions. Then it's up to you to tell who you want and trust, you don't need to tell anyone- it's your business, but if you want to make others aware then find people you trust and talk to them- if they are good people they will understand and accept you for who you are.
Breathe in, Breathe out. Coming out is stressful, and even when you know it's going to go well you're still going to be nervous. The first step is safety. Is it safe for them to know? is it safe to come out here? Will they tell anyone even if I tell them not to? the second step is knowing what to say. Plan what you're going to say. Whatever worries you have about safety, I recommend taking into account here. How much do they know about the community? Will you have to explain it to them? but the most important part here is to have fun!! Breathe in even though you are worried, breathe out even though you're stressed and think of what you're going to say. Plan it out. In bullet points, in a paragraph, with keywords. Casual tone or serious. Write it down, or don't! do what you feel comfortable with. Know when to say it, and take an hour-long break before you do. Breathing exercises, power posing, have some fun, be comfortable, be confident, be yourself. Now's the time. Take what you wrote, take what you planned, and be prepared to throw it out the window. These conversations never go as planned. Know what you want to touch up on and if the speech really matters to you tell them not to interrupt before you're done. Pull the person aside and tell them. Relax, make it easy for yourself and them. Be prepared they will have questions. They will react. Not necessarily negatively, but they will react. Breathe. No matter what happens, life will go on.
Often times the hardest person to come out to is YOU. Love, affirm, and accept who you are first. Once you are over that, coming out to all different relationships in life will be much less difficult and nerve-wracking.
The same way you come out as anything else. Tell people, mention your pronouns and boundaries, and if you feel up to it and they express interest/concern, explain what non-binary means. The baseline would be getting them to respect your pronouns and terms you don't want to be referred to as.
When you are ready and you are safe tell people by any means you feel comfortable with. Some people share via social media, letters or just a conversation.
It depends on who you want to come out to. But in general, approaching the subject in a more subtle manner to check how your social environment thinks about nonbinary people is a good start. Bring up the topic from time to time and if the reactions are positive, talk to them about it as openly as possible and explain it if necessary. There is no right or wrong way to come out, do what feels right to you, go with your gut feeling.
Coming out is a highly individual and personal experience and there is no one way to do it. Just be you - and don't put too much pressure on yourself! One thing I would recommend is to maybe have a list of extra resources handy in case the person you are coming out to isn't too familiar with what being nonbinary means. Doing a quick search on google will give you a bunch of infographics and pamphlets that you can print out and use to help explain difficult terms or concepts. If you are nervous and feel like it might be hard to express yourself in the moment (which is totally okay!), you can also go on youtube beforehand and find a video you would like to play for them instead, and then give them the opportunity to ask questions afterwards. If you want further advice on how to come out as nonbinary, as well as see/hear the coming out stories of other nonbinary folks, there are some pretty awesome people on youtube who make videos about these topics. A few of my favorites include Ash Hardell, Chandler Wilson, and Ashley Wylde. They are all amazing and I would definitely recommend checking them out if you get the chance! One final thing I would add is to remember that you should only come out when it is safe for you to do so. I don't know how old you are, but if you still live with a parent or guardian and have reason to believe they might not be as supporting, or if you have friends at school that might make fun of you, it might be best to wait. Only come out when you are in a safe environment and ideally surrounded by people who will love and support you no matter what. Again, just remember to be yourself, and best of luck!
Coming out as non-binary can often involve explanations! Sit down, face to face if possible, with who you want to speak to, be open and as honest as you can. If it helps, write down what you want to say beforehand, so you have a general idea before you walk into the situation, along with simple definitions that may help other people understand how you're feeling! Good luck!
As someone who is nonbinary, I can tell you there is no way certain way to come out. If you're looking for how to explain it, then I usually say something along the lines of, 'I never felt comfortable identifying as either a girl or a boy, so I found that this label was the best for me.' If you're worried about the response, then just remember you have to identify as what you feel most comfortable- nobody else can tell you how to identify except for you. You are the expert on you. You are valid. And remember, there is a whole community here ready to support you.
I, personally, do not label gender or sexuality. There are two biological sexes, but that's about it. The entire concept of coming out as an LGBTQ+ person may be helpful to some, but has never been a thing I really considered for myself. I can't tell you what to do or what's best for you, but when I realised I felt attracted to people no matter what biological sex or what gender they identify as, I never actually hid it or made a big deal out of it. Same when I decided that I don't understand the concept of gender and their stereotypes. When people ask me or I happen to get to that subject with people, I state my opinion, but it's not part of my general introduction. I don't walk up to my boss or another person I just met like "Hi, I'm x, I have a vagina, but sometimes I like to wear pants and I choose my life partners regardless of their sex or gender". We shouldn't have to label or justify what we are in general, so that's that. But if you feel the need to share something new you figured out about your own identity with friends or family, I am sure people who love you, will be fine with you just being open and honest with them. If it's something yo want to share, you shouldn't have to be afraid of how people will react. People who matter don't mind and people who mind don't matter. ♥
There is no reason to come out if you're not comfortable with doing so. You should only come out if you want to and are comfortable with doing so. Nonbinary is an umbrella term to many different identities, such as being agender, as I am. If you want to come out to someone, make sure they know that there's more than two genders and what being nonbinary is. If they don't know, feel free to tell them. If the person you come out to does not accept you then their thoughts on the matter aren't as relevant as you think.
Whenever you come out it's obviously difficult, however, in my experience of coming out, you will always feel the right time in your heart. I came out in a way that expressed me, I made a card, and then blurted out "I'm gay! and then handed the card to my parents. Maybe you can just blurt. You can bake a cake, whatever feels right. Hope that was helpful,
Honestly, whatever works for you and your situation, it differs for every person. Theres always a time and place so make sure that's all set first. You could say it to their face or over text, a phone call or even a letter. Whatever happens, know that 7cups is here to support you!
Personally, I am non-binary myself !! I don't think you have to do it a specifically certain way. It honestly depends on who you're coming out to and why. Give it some time. Hint it to the person you're coming out to, find out their views without specifically putting yourself out there. Once you're certain that you feel safe in telling this person you're non-binary, go for it !! There's nothing to lose.
Firstly, you need to understand what non binary is and come to terms with it yourself. Once you have done this, you can then tell someone close to you, for example, a family member. Make sure you do this in your own time and in a place you feel safe. Good luck!
Get comfortable with it yourself. Tell someone you really trust. Explain it all to them as well as possible. And then you can eventually come out to everyone else too
As a non-binary person myself, I would just ask your closest family member/friend to start using your preferred pronouns. Then later, you should just tell them who you are. They may respond negatively, but that's okay because in the end you'll be much happier to get it off your chest!
I would honestly say that I would ask my parents to not call me he or her but them or they. And explain why.
That's a personal choice! Come out however is best for you, and to whoever is best for you. You need to take care of yourself and that might mean coming out slowly to a few people in a way you're comfortable with,
I think it's important to expose whomever you want to come out to to what being nonbinary is first, as a lot of people don't know what it is. But one thing that I always recommend is writing a letter, that way if things don't work out that well, you won't necessarily be right there
This is very tough to do obviously, but the best way is to have a lot of resources to show people who want to learn more, and try having a way to explain it to people who've never heard of it before.
Be truthful, open and honest. Explain and educate - what is different, how will this change things, and what will remain the same? Tell them your reasoning and need for this change.
I feel like the best way to come out as nonbinary is to one, correct the person your coming out to when they call you your physical genders pronouns. Tell them you are they/them. They'll start asking questions. I would answer them then.
Be honest. I would first start by reaching out and talking to someone who has been in a similar situation or confiding in a close friend or family member. When you speak it out loud to someone once, you begin to get a feel for how it sounds and what you are trying to convey.
Sit down with whomever you wish to come out to and tell them in a relaxed, nonchalant way. If they have questions about your identity, answer them respectfully. It might feel like there is a lot of pressure when you are coming out, but sometimes it is best to be calm in situations like these. If you would like for them to use a different name/different pronouns, tell them so clearly and respectfully.
Take your time, don't stress. You can tell some of your closest people, let it show naturally, write a letter, get someone else to tell people, or cover it up in other similar ways.
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