How can I stop someone from hurting me when they don't care about my feelings?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 07/29/2018 at 3:12am
How can I stop someone from hurting me when they don't care about my feelings?
★ This question about Managing Emotions was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Answers
seighheart - Expert in Managing Emotions
November 16th, 2014 8:08am
I'm going through this right now.. Its the worst feeling.. Someone answer this please............ :(
deepzie - Expert in Managing Emotions
September 22nd, 2014 3:26pm
a person can only hurt you when you give them the permission to hurt you or play with your feelings. The best way to stop this from happening is to be strong, take control over your life and dont care for those who make you feel miserable.
TeaWithAFriend
November 15th, 2014 9:10pm
First, ask yourself why you continue to expose yourself to people who don't care about your feelings. Then, if you are able to, walk away from them. Hang up. Change your phone number. Block their email. Delete them on social media or make new social media accounts that they don't know about and delete the old ones. Tell yourself you are DONE with being around people who clearly don't care about your feelings and do not interact with people like that anymore if you continue to meet them. Find new people to be around or figure out how ways to have fun that don't involve other people until you find people you enjoy being around. There are lots of people on the internet so don't limit your interactions with others to people who are physically around. Forgive yourself for having chosen to expose yourself to people who don't care about your feelings and help others do to the same. Have fun and enjoy yourself and simply "change your mind" or change your thoughts when you start thinking about people from the past who hurt your feelings. Eventually, you will forget about those types of people because your time and attention will be taken up by more positive things/people/events/activities etc.
Mila24
September 14th, 2014 7:58am
If the person knows we are being hurt and doesn't care, the best is to forgive (to not feel pressured or guilty if we do care about this person), but also to keep distance in order to avoid future problems. Also, we must make sure we are communicating our concern in a clear and honest way. Time heals. And you never know, maybe this person will truly feel sorry and come back into our lives in a ver positive manner, like what happened with my mom's brother!
Varee
July 2nd, 2015 11:26am
Ouch! This sounds like a really painful situation. Firstly, it can be worth checking into whether they really don't care... or whether we are making a bit of an assumption about why they're behaving as they do. (Often people's behaviour is driven by their own fears, worries, and hurts - and has nothing to do with us. But I know from personal experience that can be hard to understand on a feelings level) Secondly, it's always worth remembering that other people's behaviour is beyond our control. All we can control is our own thoughts and behaviour. Next, it can be very helpful to think about why what they're doing feels hurtful to us: * does it remind of us an earlier situation, maybe something from when we were very young? * are they touching on something about ourselves we secretly worry about? * are we doing lots for others and getting very tired or drained? * do we have expectations about how they should behave, based on our own preferences? These can help us detangle a situation and see the wood for the trees. But at no point should we ever blame ourselves for other people's behaviour. If we obtain actual evidence that someone genuinely doesn't care about us, it could be useful to do some reflection about why we keep them in our lives: * deep down do we feel we deserve to be treated this way? * are we worried what others might think of us? * do we secretly like the 'drama' and so on. This might sound tough. Here's a thought: if we want to change a situation, we need to look at whether / how we are contributing to it... and how we can change our bit of the situation. Some other people do care about us, but have never learned how to be respectful of our feelings and needs. It will be up to you to decide healthy boundaries for yourself: * experiment with talking to them about how you feel about the situation. Use "I statements" (I.e. "I feel ______ when you __________" And use a real, specific example for that second blank). This works much better than saying something like "You always __________ and it makes me __________" * you might want to consider whether or not to keep such people in your life, or how often to allow them in your life, and in what situations If we decide to have this person in our lives going forward, then we'll benefit from setting some boundaries: * what are all the things you could you try out, to limit the impact this person has on you? * is there personal development work you could be doing to strengthen feeling good about yourself -- no matter what? * what are some healthy ways you could express existing feelings of hurt, anger, frustration and so on? I hope this helps, please do get in touch if you'd like to chat through your situation.
Wes2
November 4th, 2014 8:48am
If someone doesn't care about your feelings, you don't need to care about what they think of you. It's a simple matter of mutual respect. If that person has such little regard for you, wash your hands of them and pay them no mind.
lucilledaniella
October 24th, 2014 2:15am
You must really decide to speak for yourself. Someone could really hurt us and even don't care if about our feelings but if you just know your self worth and you love yourself then you would be bold enough to stand firm and say that you deserves so much more than this. Also letting go of those people would put some sunshine on your self esteem. :)
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 12:37pm
Giving power in someones hand to hurt you, someone who doesn't care about you is just not the thing you wanna do. You need to care about yourself more than anyone.
JGrace1997
November 16th, 2014 8:46pm
A person like that is someone that could be a destructive force in your life. The key is to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Instead, surround yourself with caring people who impact your life in a positive way.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2015 8:54pm
The best decision in my opinion would be to cut them out of your life. People who hurt you and who don't care about your feelings do not deserve a place in your life. Life is too short to let people treat you this way.
Aurelius735
August 5th, 2015 8:24am
There are people who have the power to make you smile as well as cry and when people become so important in your life, you become weak in front of them. You start living your life the way they want and try to do whatever makes them happy. The day others know their importance they will surely take you for granted.
Ingrid9
November 9th, 2014 9:45pm
From my own lived experience, if I get the sense they do not care, they aren't worth my time anyways. I would just walk away and try to move on as best as I can.
parched
November 3rd, 2014 6:22pm
Assuming you've tried to work things out with the individual without success, the next thing you can do is apply the first rule of self-defence: don't be there. Distance yourself from the individual hurting your feelings if possible (even if they're a family member, significant other or close friend, this should still be done if the issues can't be worked out. It may seem like a big step, but life goes on.). If it is highly undesirable or impossible to do that, then the next available recourse is to exert as much control over your own feelings as possible: if what they're saying is not true, then balance its affect by reminding yourself of that fact; spend more time around the warm, helpful people in your life; independently do things that you're proud of to increase your self-esteem. If you grow stronger as a person, you won't care about the lies that others say to you, and will be able to take the truths they say about you and use them to grow even stronger.
silverMusic21
July 1st, 2015 4:45pm
you should try to care a little less about such people , you're completely awesome and you deserve better person in your life .
Mathilde
October 7th, 2014 6:53pm
The answer is within you. If the person won't listen or care, if you have tried and asked them to stop acting hurtfully towards you, and yet they will carry on their actions, in this case it is up to you to not be hurt by them anymore. If you take control over what affects you, either by shutting it out and leaving, or by receiving it differently and with a different angle, you have the power to not be hurt anymore.
Vixiana
June 21st, 2015 9:35pm
Sadly, you can't stop someone from acting a certain way but you can control the way you react to it, the way you feel about it. It's very important to ask yourself why is it you get hurt by what they think, when this person doesn't care about your feelings? If this person keeps hurting you and does not care about you, I don't think they deserve you in the first place.
Tumb13weed
August 16th, 2015 10:21pm
There are two steps to it. They are difficult, yes, but not impossible. The first one is forgiveness. The second, is detachment. If they have hurt you in the past and continue to hurt you, chances are you'll react only because you have not forgiven them. Maybe they have done something quite grave; maybe they hurt you really bad. You ought to forgive them for your own good, not theirs. By forgiving them, you'll feel a lot lighter. Next, detachment. Chances are you have enough on your plate without having to deal with the pain. If a person clearly does not care about you, it will help you a lot if you let them go, detach yourself. There are a lot of other people who will like you, respect you, care about you for who you are. You'll find other people, better people. If you're the one getting hurt, you're the one who can get out of it. Forgive, and let go.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 6:44pm
Stopping someone from hurting you when they don't care about your feelings is difficult because you can't control what do to you. All of us have different thoughts, feelings and ideas formed into opinions. Not caring about your feelings will already hurt, but there are other sides to look at. It's a challenge that you can learn and grow from.
quietEyes9899
April 8th, 2018 5:08pm
The solution is to stop caring about their own feelings. At first you might struggle and feel guilty but emotional detachment works. It frees you, it strengthens you. You achieve this by ALWAYS doing whats best for you or what benefits you eben st the cost of them. Your first priority should be you. Slowly your mindset will shift. You will completely stop caring about them ,your focus will be on you. Then you will truly be free. Funny enough, they will sense a shift in you, that you no longer care, then they'll try to manipulate you or pretend to care. But you never look back ,you keep looking after you and enjoy their newfound grovelling and trying to get emotionally close to you attempts. It works.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2015 5:37pm
Like others have said I would say it depends, but, I think generally, someone that hurts you over and over doesn't care enough. Even if they don't know what they are doing wrong, or have hurt you unintentionally, I think someone who really places your feelings highly, would try and figure out what's happening, or what they could do to change things. I think someone that hurts you over and over could care for you a lot, but maybe care about themselves more, and the benefit they get from hurting you, or probably more likely, care more about not putting themselves through the effort and discomfort of changing the behaviour or investigating the situation more deeply. This would depend on the person knowing they are hurting your feelings, which I think your post suggests they do.
Alecia
November 17th, 2014 4:07pm
Explain to them how it makes you feel and have a discussion with them to try and help them understand your situation and there effects they have on you.
Lovethehurt
November 19th, 2014 8:16pm
The best thing to do is tell someone about it. Maybe an adult you qre close to. The people that pick on you are often hoping that you will get angry or upaet so the best thing to do is also ignore them and eventually they will get bored
Anonymous
January 20th, 2016 4:13am
Get away from them as much as you can because you're damaging your spirit the more that person is around you.
NJTeleTherapist
July 12th, 2015 8:08pm
First of all, congratulate yourself for recognizing that they do not care and they are hurting you. Your awareness of a situation and facing any reality is key to change. If you do not have a partner in communication with this other person about improving your relationship, you must create a boundary for yourself. That boundary can be emotional and/or physical. You and only you are responsible for protecting yourself and looking out for your best interest. Get away from toxic situations and use your energy to find loving, supportive, substantial relationships that feed your soul. Start with your own relationship with yourself. Best of luck on your journey of self care!
SoulfullAshley
July 1st, 2015 8:58am
You have to speak up for yourself. You have to stand up for yourself. You cannot expect someone to respect you if you do not respect your own self.
janusheva
July 3rd, 2015 1:04pm
First of all you should stop giving yourself expectations that are false, maybe you should try to surround yourself by people who appreciate your presence and notice your absence.There is one quote "When you can't forgive because someone let you down, focus on yourself, not them", this is true because you owe yourself to care for you not for someone else who doesn't even move a finger for you .At the end there is someone out there who cares for you , give that time to them and don't waste it on those who don't care.
neverendingMelon46
July 3rd, 2015 6:13am
Cutting ties with them, but it takes time to do this, you have to be brave and do it when you're ready. Its horrible to do but you have to think what's best for yourself
flyingbutterfly01
July 19th, 2015 3:38pm
Its always good to move away from such people n move on in life .. Everyone deserves happiness ... Get involved in different activities, it takes some time but it will help
sweetWaves68
July 24th, 2015 8:31am
In my experience, I have found it best to avoid interacting on a personal level with people who don't care about my feelings and could possibly end up hurting me. Anyone who doesn't care about your feelings is not worthy of your time and energy. They have the problem which has nothing at all to do with you. Unfortunetly, there is nothing you can do to change someone who is like that. Care about yourself enough to be around people who love and respect you and will treat you how you deserve to be treated.
Anonymous
August 5th, 2015 5:23pm
i think you simply let go of thhat person theres no trick about it, when you care alot about them everything they do gets to u easily