What should I do if my older child is jealous of their younger sibling?
Last Updated: 08/22/2017 at 2:05am
Chanel Bowen, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor
With compassionate counseling, I help my clients through anxious thoughts and feelings of depression. Improve self-esteem, relationships, learn new skills.
Top Rated Answers
I personally ask my older child, "What are we doing to cause you to be jealous of your siblings? Do you feel your not getting enough attention?" She usually spilled the beans. Keep in mind I have a eight year differance between the oldest and the middle child.
It is very common. Children are born to be selfish. It takes years of talking and modelling (the parents practicing generosity) to demonstrate selfless giving. Children will do what you do, not necessarily what you say. So practicing selfless service to one another at home and in the community teaches the children a selfless altriusm.
You should sit them both down and let the older one know that they are both the same and both loved exactly the same. Also give them both a hug and kiss and let them know that nothing will ever stop you loving them both the same and there is nothing to feel different about, But as you say this to both of them, Keep looking at the older sibling to address them more.
Spend time with each of them individually and insure each of them that you love them both. Always listen to their complaints and be careful to not show favoritism.
You should of course try to treat your children fairly, give them equal amounts og attention, love and so on. That is however all that you can do, but all it does is ensure you that you have been a good parent, it is not going to change anything about how your children feel. Siblings have a natural jealousy, and will always feel like the parents prefer the other one.
My sister had always been jealous of me when I was younger. Even now, she has her moments and we're both adults in our late 20's. But the funny thing is, I was also always so jealous of her, too. My mom really tried to fix that problem by spending time with us both. Say, one day we'd go out and do stuff and then another day she'd take my sister. Maybe put yourself on a routine where you're spending equal amount of time with both of the kids. Attention is what he/she needs right now.
The first thing you should consider is if you or others are contributing to the situation by consciously or unconsciously favoring the behavior or skills of the younger child. That is often hard to determine. Try to view things from the older child's point of view to see if that is the cause. Be aware of the triggers that lead to jealous outbursts and praise your older child for whatever unique qualities he or she has. Try to encourage the older child to explore some interests that he or she over time can excel at and feel confident about. Also realize that many children grow out of jealousy as they "find themselves" the older they get.
Always tell your child that you treat them equally and that he/she has nothing to worry about. Make sure to practice being equal around them.
Try to see why they are jealous of the younger sibling. Try talking to the older child about how they feel.
I went through this with children and still occasionally do. We found it helped to do up a schedule and put in a specific time we were going to spend one-on-one time with each of them. When we were all together, we tried to divide the attention between the two of them and give them both an equal amount of responsibility that was age appropriate. It also really helped when we made the older child our 'helper'. This allowed them to feel like they were getting more responsibility and attention.
Find out why your older one is jealous of the younger one. Then figure out whether or not they are justified in that assumption. Sometimes they can be hurt or angry over the tiniest things. Then explain that if they are jealous over something that they are receiving from you, that perhaps instead of taking it out on their sibling they should come to you about it.
It might be reasonable if you were to set them down and talk everything out with them and just see why they feel that way.
Hey there! I think the reason why older ones get jealous of their younger ones when they feel that they are being ignored... You should give the older ones some more time and importantance as sometimes they think that that's just not enough what you have being giving Hope i helped Stay blessed! :)
First of all, you have to avoid make distinctions between them, or give a preferential treatment to one of them. Second of all, you have to talk with your older child and say him/her that you, like parent of the both, don't love one more than the other, this can help to understand the situation and if your older child don't see that you "prefer" your younger child in some way, he/she can understand it with time.
Have a talk with your older child and ask them why they feel the way that they do. Have a group discussing.
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