How can I tell my same-sex friends that I am gay/lesbian/bi without them thinking I like them?
Breathedani
on
Jan 30, 2015
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This can be really hard... When I came out to a friend this year I had a really hard time telling her cause I knew she was gonna think I liked her. That is literally the farthest thing from the truth! So when I came out to her I said something along the lines of "I just wanna be clear here that I don't like you. Gays are just like other people. If I was straight I wouldn't like everyone of our guy friends, therefore I don't like you." She took it very well and was glad I cleared that up! Take care and good luck!
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Emma5273
on
May 6, 2015
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In my experience if one of my friends assumes I like them solely because I'm gay, that doesn't bode well for our friendship or them supporting me. You have to gauge the situation, I told one of my close friends she had an ugly nose before coming out to her, and sat down with another and talked to her about what it means to be gay, and who I was attracted to and had to reassure her multiple times I didn't like her, we're not friends today. You might lose some friends, but if it means being true to you thats more important.
kindWaterfall10
on
Oct 24, 2017
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Just let them know that they're like your siblings and that you're aware that they're not interested and would therefore not hit on them. You can also remind them that sexuality does not equal finding *everyone* of the same sex attractive, because like them, you have types. Good luck!!
Anonymous
on
Jul 13, 2015
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Its best to be up front and open to them about it and not cut comer's when talking. Friends will understand and will be willing to help you and support you better.
TheFluteCat101
on
May 18, 2016
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When I came out as bisexual, I actually waited until something of the topic came up. It may not work for you, but keeping it as casual as possible helps. If you seem to be tense, or overly, extremely nervous, that is when they might think you like them. In other circumstances, it could be better to say it to two people, or more if you need, to make it seem less of a personal thing said to them, but making it a personal part of you.
Allen39
on
May 4, 2015
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Well, you can try this one, which often works for me. Point at a random person of the gender they're attracted to. Say, "Do you like them?"
Chances are, they'll say no. Why would they be attracted to every person of that gender?
Once you put it in those terms, it's easier to understand for them.
Anonymous
on
Feb 16, 2016
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Just tell them! If they are so naïve that they immediately think you like them they are not worth spending time on. Be proud of who you are let no one judge you
Skessler1633
on
Apr 30, 2018
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It is a good idea to have this conversation in a private, safe place, where you feel comfortable having this conversation. Most people that you come out to that are same-sex will not think that you like them, and will most likely be supportive of you. The only time they would have reason to believe you like them is if either a.) you have told them explicitly that you like them, or b.) you have given them reason to believe so, such as ‘flirting’ with them. It is better not to mention anything about ‘liking’ the other person, so don’t say “I don’t have feelings for you.†Even if you do say something along those lines, it is best not to keep repeating what you have said, or they might start to think that you actually do like them.
BrittanyLove
on
May 29, 2015
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When you come out to them, let them know that you look at them as your best friends, and that they shouldn't act differently around you because you're gay/lesbian/bi. You'll always be the same person and friend that you were before you came out to them.
MonBon
on
Apr 13, 2015
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That's less on you and more on them. You can try explaining afterward that you experience attraction to specific people of your gender just as they experience attraction to specific people of the opposite gender. Give an example of someone they don't experience attraction to even though their orientation would allow them to and they might get it.
Good luck with everything!
plumnectarine
on
May 17, 2015
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By saying that you want to tell them because it's part of who you are and that they deserve to know
Lior
on
Jul 21, 2015
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As you probably know, same-sex attraction doesn't mean attraction to the whole sex. There are types, attraction to certain people and favorable looks.
Something I like to use is that hetero people like the opposite sex and yet is not attracted to every single person with that sex. So why gays/lesbians/bi will be attracted to anyone?
Talking is something that can greatly help, and telling how you feel.
TheGreyFixer
on
Jan 11, 2016
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Sadly, it's very difficult to do this sometimes (especially when you're young), but hear me out: That is not your fault. People should not automatically assume that someone likes them just because suddenly they find out that person likes other people of the same gender. Ultimately, I would say don't even mention it. Coming out is about you, not them. If they ask, tell them plainly that you're not interested in them. But even if they don't, congratulations. You've taken a brave step forwards.
Anonymous
on
Feb 22, 2016
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Just tell them that you are queer, and if they think that you are attracted to them tell them that not just because your queer means that you like them.
Anonymous
on
May 17, 2016
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Tell them straight up you're gay and not interested in them in a sexual way easy as that.........................
Anonymous
on
Jun 7, 2016
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If they automaticaly jump to that conclusion just tell them straight up that you have no interest in them.
Aayla
on
Aug 26, 2019
LGBTQ+ Issues Expert
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You can express your feelings and explain what it means to be who you are, and why is it so important to share it with others. If they understand how much lgbt people need to express themselves freely, they'll understand that you don't have second intentions and you only want to be free to be who you are with them. Just tell them it's important for you to let them know who you really are, because they are your friends and you want to share everything with them. They'll understand!
Talulah22
on
Apr 19, 2015
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I would just tel them, and say that you're afraid that they will think you like them. Just be honest in what you feel and what you're afraid of.
secretBalsam1682
on
May 19, 2016
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Just be honest. I wouldn't assume someone liked me just because they came out to me.
BradyHero
on
Jan 9, 2017
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Remind them that your sexuality does not change your friendship in any way and, if they still don't seem to get it, tell them nicely that you are not interested in them romantically/sexually.