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How do I help someone I care about from self-harming?

Profile: Chloeboo
Chloeboo on Jul 21, 2015
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It would be good first of all to learn more yourself about self harming and the reasons and emotions often behind it in order to gain a better understanding. The 7 Cups of Tea Self Harm help guide is a great resource for this, as well as other website online. Don't Judge the person, don't tell them they must stop, or guilt them in to stopping by telling them how they are hurting others ect it may just make the self harming worse. Self harm is a coping mechanism, changing that behaviour and learning new coping techniques takes time. Don't accuse them of attention seeking, there are many reasons why people self harm, and although yes, attention can be a component for some people, it's important to remember that even if you think it may be for attention that this person is still in pain and needs your support and calling them an attention seeker can very negatively impact on them. Ask the person how you can best help them and what support they need from you. Don't focus too much on the self harm itself, but the issues why they are self harming. Sometimes simply being a listening ear can help. It's ok not to know what to say or to have all the answers, but being there for them is the best thing you can do. Don't try and push a course of action on to them, but do let them know of helplines and services out there that can help, again the 7 Cups of Tea Self Harm self help guide is a great place to start, as well as local therapists and their doctor amongst other things. Don't pressure them to try these options, but just to know they are there can be helpful. If you feel the self harm is too serious, their wounds need medical attention or they are in serious immediate danger, be honest with them and tell them you need to let someone know in order to help them, and that you would like to go with them if they would like that. And lastly, get some help with this yourself. Finding out someone close to you is self harming can be shocking and hurtful to you yourself. Take care of your own thoughts of this, perhaps with a close friend (being mindful of the persons confidentiality) or with us here on 7 Cups of Tea.
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Profile: FlowerInDisguise19
FlowerInDisguise19 on Apr 25, 2015
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Having someone that you care about that is dealing with self harm is a very hard thing to go through, even more when you two are very close, if this is something that you have been thinking about and are wanting to help that person during their difficult time there are a few things that you might think about doing to support them as well as a few things that might not be so helpful. Please refer to these links for extra support: https://www.selfharm.co.uk/articles/helping-someone-who-self-harms and/or http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/supporting-someone-who-self-harms-5690.html
Profile: IreKat
IreKat on Apr 29, 2015
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Firstly you should talk about it with them and try to make it clear that it is not good for them and it doesn't help them. Then you can suggest another way in order to stop self-harming like the butterfly project. Remind them you care about them and you want them to be ok.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on May 29, 2015
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You have to make sure that your friend is willing to quit self-harm, otherwise, you can't help them. Once you know if they are willing to quit, tell them how much you love them, and show them how much you do.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jun 17, 2015
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The best way to help someone is to be there for them, make sure they know you are there to talk to or just to have their back. Letting them know they have someone will make them feel better, and help them with their recovery.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jan 14, 2015
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All you can really do is listen to them and their reasons, reassure them that they are better than that and that you are there for them. Also, try to keep the conversation going to keep them occupied.
Profile: PoetaSinVersos
PoetaSinVersos on Jan 16, 2015
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When someone I care about is self harming them the only thing I can do is to talk to them. I can not convince them to stop doing that, but I can just listen to them. I've been listening my friends and people who were not my friends but now they are, and they are just doing fine. Music usually helps, tea helps too. I just sit with them and talk to them, telling my past struggles whenever they say they aren't going out of the hole. Because empathy is something everybody needs, and helping someone is hard but worth.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Feb 16, 2015
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oh dear , You are defintly like me ! You have to talk with your friend seriosly and tel him/her that life is hard. But we have to stand strong so we can never be fall again . ask your friend "does is chance ? does the world chance when you cut your self ? no . and with self harming nothing gointo chance only its gonna be worste"
Profile: Kaylei72
Kaylei72 on Mar 26, 2015
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Give them a lot of support. Be there for them. Tell them that you care for them. You need to show them that life is more then just what theyre going through right now. Once they get through this there will be sunlights.
Profile: peacefulsara12
peacefulsara12 on Jul 13, 2015
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I can help someone from self-harming by several reasons. For example, being a friend for someone who wants to self-harm. I can also chat with them, and let them know that they are beautiful and needed.
Profile: katewood1989
katewood1989 on Sep 22, 2015
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I would talk to them about my own experiences and refer them to either talk to myself, or a specialist.
Profile: MonMon
MonMon on Nov 16, 2015
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That's a realy challenging question and I could write a whole book about it. First of all - understanding. It's not a good idea to blame people for their way of reacting to depressing our stressfull situations. Show compassion but also try to make them realise that it makes you worried and that you'd like to find another solution to that. Since they like you they'll understand your fear. At last but not least, try different things that realease stress and make them realise that hurting themselves won't make the problems go away either. And once again: compassion, understanding, compassion, patience, giving hope, understanding!
Profile: colourfulWind85
colourfulWind85 on Dec 29, 2015
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The best thing you can do is just be there. Don't ask them why if you see that they have self harmed just go up to them and give them a hug and tell them that you are there for them. Don't force them to talk about it just be sure they know that you are there for them and if it is really bad you need to tell a consular
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Feb 9, 2016
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You can't ever stop the self harmer from self harming. You can let them know that you are there for them. Offer a safe place to land. Ask them to message you before they self harm. This won't prevent them from doing it, but you might be able to comfort them. Let them know that you care. Tell them about alternatives, like The Butterfly Project. Read more about it here: http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/
Profile: RizanarB
RizanarB on Mar 21, 2016
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Something that I like to use or give them is http://goo.gl/H96t7H. You can write the butterfly on their arm. I have seen this help a lot of people. The best you can do for them is be there for them and remind them that you care.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Mar 21, 2016
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Refer them to the right organization and a professional. Urge the person to identify their need by talking with them.
Profile: kindEnergy23
kindEnergy23 on Jun 20, 2016
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Share with them that when they're self-harming that their also harming you and your loved ones......
Profile: ladycat946
ladycat946 on Jul 5, 2016
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You could talk with that person and ask her if she wants to consult someone. You can let her know that you will always be there for her, but this is above your abilities to help you with that on that point.
Profile: maymg
maymg on Jul 12, 2016
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Dont look at them like they are insane, dont said it is wrong, they know that, but it isnt simple to stop, explain to them you´ll be there and find ways to distract them
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jul 26, 2016
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Just by being there and letting them know you want to support them! Tell them they are not alone! Focus on positive things about the person how beautiful, strong they are! Tell them they are loved and they are not alone!!
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