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CryptidCircus
1 1,040 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts78 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2025 Member sinceAugust 16, 2024
Bio

Jude

He/Him FtM

Autistic / ADHD / Codependency / Quiet BPD / PTSD / OSDD / Bipolar 1 / Trauma / Severe Social Anxiety Disorder / Severe Depression / Aleximythia

Recent forum posts
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I'm getting worse again
Depression Support / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 October 19th, 2025
...See more My depression has gotten worse again. I am back to wanting to sleep all the time again, not motivated to eat unless I force myself to, not enjoying things I normally do. I don't know what to do.
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Loss of sense of self
Trauma Support / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 October 9th, 2025
...See more With some of the past trauma I have (self sabotage, perfectionism, lack of self worth, depression and other various triggers that aren't good), I have no sense of self. I don't know who I am, and truly, I haven't known who I am for about three or four years (I lost count, but four sounds correct). My relationship has been horribly effected by this. I am not sure who has any information that could aid me, links, facts, anything to try to help me learn about me.
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Recent loss
Grief & Loss / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 May 26th, 2025
...See more I just yesterday lost my aunt to cancer. It's been a rough year of grieving
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I wish
Relationship Stress / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 March 5th, 2025
...See more I wish people could feel what was going on in my head, my heart We used to message all the time, we used to talk and smile all the time. I keep drawing further and further away when that isn't at all what I want. I miss what we had, I miss making you happy, making you smile, helping you feel comfortable, being there for you. I miss messaging. I am sorry. I miss making you smile, making you laugh, holding you. God I am so sorry. I miss us. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Everything feels so empty. So wrong. Everything is wrong. I am just going to ruin your life I am so sorry. God I am so sorry.
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Relationship assistance and talking
Relationship Stress / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 January 21st, 2025
...See more Things in my relationship aren't doing well. (I've been a major factor in that for a while and in the relationship I have not been open, vulnerable or talking.) I am a fearful avoidant personality type and I have a bad habit of shutting down and stonewalling. I have a habit of going into silence in conversations. I want to try to repair my relationship and I know that the issue with talking is one of the biggest obstacles to jump. Does anyone have any ways to help with opening up more and talking more? I want to fix this relationship more than anything. I know it will take work and will take effort. I know it will take a lot of unlearning bad behavior. I've caused the person I love so much harm and I don't want to do that. I don't want to continue that.
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Help with relationships
Relationship Stress / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 February 2nd, 2025
...See more So, I am having genuine trouble in my relationship. I have caused a lot of damage and want to make amends. I am in a polyam relationship, one Para, two Metas. Things have been bad for years because of my issues I was in refusal to fix. Does anyone know of free or cheap relationship counselors? Online preferred? Or someone who can help me with trying to talk with me through some things. I want to try to fix things, stop me bad behavior and try to fix things, genuinely, with my partners.
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[tw: SH] I can't do this any more.
Depression Support / by CryptidCircus
Last post
 January 1st, 2025
...See more I am causing people too much pain. I am having bad thoughts again and they aren't passive ones. I've held the knife in my hand. It's tasted blood again. I am never going to get better. I keep hurting people. I keep harming people I love. I am a disgusting manipulative abuser. They will be better when I am not here. When I can't harm them anymore.
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