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KiraKitsune
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KiraKitsune
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts79 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes60 Current upvotes60 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMarch 5, 2026
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I think its over ;(
Relationship Stress / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 Sunday
...See more Im in a spot....conflicted with my own feelings and now also the person im seeing....firstly...it was/is/has been a revativly healthy relationship.... i THOUGHT.. i may be just being my own worst enmy right now.... Secondly, its long distsnce. Hes a 45 min drive from me in another city. We talk daily. Call facetime. Text and game together....but today. Something his.roommate said twited my stomache and heart. "You should invite (married women names)" First. It wasnt "maried women and husband" like the roommate had just listed wither other couples before married womens names Second. Why was it not MY name? We are from two completly dofferrnt world and its been somehow working. This married women always seems to also hang out with my partner without her husband. Note. This women also only dated her husband 3 months before marrying him and met him randomly on a random taken trip to montreal. She also apprently does not talk about him with my partner ever. I feel like i should end this relationship right NOW. Ive been here before and the last time i trusted the female best friend. I had grounds to loose ny *** and didnt on her when she kissed my partner in my house in front of me drunkly. Or am i being my own worst enemy. I am not sure if i should be trusting my own partner even like i should be anymore... I dont think theres an actual plan of "us" in their mind. They are good to me always have been, but i have ALWAYS had this weird gut feeling about this "married female froend" shes unstable. Fruity and whirlwind. But my partner thinks she has no feelings for him. They dated and ive tried telling shes doing the "backup pocket boyfriend" thing with him but i also havnt tried to say anything more on it and seem like a partner that wont let them have friends of any gender
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Can one ever b ready?
35 & Over Community / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 June 11th
...See more 20 years ago, i was a dumb married lonely and sad young girl. My life was choas even after the divorce, unstable, no trust, no consistancy, nothing that stuck, i went through trauma, abuse, addiction, making mad money to being homeless, ive been at the top and tasted the very bottem... but despite everything when i became a trapped bird in my marriage and a victim of my own foolish naivety, i bought Darrow. A black cat how is now 20 years old from the human society. Now a bit off track here but it is important to the story i promise. Before darrow, when i was 15, i got Starla, a beautiful brindle pitbull, when i was 18 and moving i was moving to a province that required a 1million insurence policy to have my dog with me in that province. I did not want to rehome her for she had bondes to me but i could not being her, so, i left her with grandma after grandma alao "begged" to let her be there. I agreed, packed my things and moved to my new life and made sure to visit my dog, and i did my divorce went sour and i moved back, i also had 3 jobs was in my 20s freshly divorced and a chaotic mess, and in an apartment thar i could not have dogs, and Starla had been living with grandma for years by that point so we tbought best to keep her there. Work got busy and engulfed me and i trusted grandma.... or i thought i could, for story purloses imma keep this part short.. grandma likes to "show" her objects off and her kids and pets are objects. She took starla out and anotber dog attacked her. Grandma (my mother) had put my first down, without consulti or telling me till two weeks AFTER because i was working she wanted to "protect" me from it.... i was f$%@#ing 23! So now that u know that back to Darrow.. the actual story Before i moved back, when i was married, i was lonley sad and abused, so i bought Darrow.... that was 20ish years ago now.... Hes not doing to well now, and its almost time...i can tell... i know its coming, and im makimg danm sure imma be there. I have helpes many family pets of my own and friends pass.... but Darrow is MINE... 20 years literally ONLY consistancy that was in my life..and i was t there for Starla and that wound has never really healed due to how it happened... I am tereified of the after...the during....the grief...i am so freaking terrified of whats about to happened, i have been walking on razorblades of my own mind and emotions alrady due to things going on in my life.... I wont b ready.... can one ever b? I just hope when it IS his time.... i can be strong enough for him for a single day Its the least i owe to my friend of 20 years..... dosnt make it any eaiser.
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Self thought therapy
35 & Over Community / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 June 4th
...See more So, since my last very badly spelled and tired post at midnight. Ive forced myself, my brain, my thoughts to think and see things diffrently. Results after a few months? Slow going but ive noticed small changes for the better in myself. Still a *** ton of work to do. But, this is a reminder to thoes out there, it is possible, u can heal, grow, change and wash the sludge off, but what the hard pill here is, it takes time And its okay how ever long u take, as long as u keep trying, dont give up on urself, if theres ones thing u could live for and do better, its urself. Ive had a chatoic life in a sense, ive been at the top with money and doing good, ive been homeless and hooked on things, lost in an abusive relation to finding healthly ones. I still have problems and issues with my adjustments, still finding my anger and distane for humans to deal with, but, i can see the small spots where ive caught myself thinking diffrently because of me forcong myself to do it. Is this the way for everyone? No. But the point here is, you are ur own flower, u can make it grow or die because of how u maintain ur own growth at one point, dont be afraid to start watering urself after being feared,brainwashed,abused or what ever ot may be into starving ur own growth and healing. Because it is possible. No matter how slow and painfull the process can be.... i now see, if i keep going, for myself. Its possible
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"Active depression"
Depression Support / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 March 15th
...See more Its something i feel personally afflicts me and is something i want to bring awareness to "Active depression" A form of depression that hides more aggresivly. Meaning? The person if still activly keeps their house clean, job, and image maintained and does not appear depressed to others looking in, but has mood swings more then usual, irritbility has gone way up and paitent is very little. Things they cannot control or have anything to do with them pisses them off, will still go through thw motions with family and friends but seems "bored", and often they "feel bored" with their favourit things. Empathy twords others is less or gone. I feel like this is me.... i still wlak my dogs...get up... do what im told and supposed to do...but theres a "whitenoise" and i dont "feel right" and im trying to "fix" it...but its like a "yokai" and it was small and cute at first....but now...my back hurts and its a large mass of void that i carry now.... Anyone know a good exorcsist? XD (Satire)
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Tips and tricks?
General Support / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 March 7th
...See more We all get low right? A rut. Life just suddenly takes a baseball bat to our knees. Feeling lost,hopeless and tired. It can be really hard to know where to start, or even what to try next if u feel like you have tried everything. Sometimes, we need a different view. So, while asking for ur tips and tricks to help with the following (choose what u feel like u can offer) Depression, stuck, alone, disconnected, or in my case empathy burn out. Sometimes its hard to reach out. So i hope asking for ur tips and tricks will also help someone eles if they read this thread
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Lost at sea
General Support / by KiraKitsune
Last post
 March 8th
...See more My life has alwaus been crazy, been im survival sonce i was 6 years old. 35+ now and covid turned all our libes upside down. I was an already introverted person escaping a roxoc relationship to only end up in lock down with 2 more toxic ppl. Theres a lot of blah, blah, blah ro my past and all that *** that i just rather not in this post at the koment because that is not what this is about. The problem? I failed to pay attention to how much it really effected me or how ive changed. Ive become, and i put things blunlty, cold, briken, detached, uncaring and one could say in overdrive of survival mode where my fangs are the firdt thing to be bared every time.  So, this is step one. Knowing i have the ability to change this and how the toxics ones scars can only be blamed and the exscus for so long... but i always clumsly have gotten through all my tough *** alone, barely holding my head above water Now? Ive gotten myself into trouble becauae of my own behaviour and i was ALREADY activly trying to acounter whats happening to me. But just like in my past, i have no freaking clue what to do,or how to actually start or even what to do with my own persona emotional/mental with spikes wall ive seemed to built around myself while i wasnt lookong. Ive alwaglys had to figure everything out on my own....and i just dint want to anymore.... Im tired....i dont want to be like a dog whos been kicked and abused to rhe point where i will try to bite anyone who even glances at me. But i struggle, i feel like i have this sludge on me now. Sorry if this seems disorginized and chatoic, midnifht writing this and there a lot of "noise" in my kind right now.  I hope, even just reading and being here.to start is a good first step will help even just a little. I hope for anyone who read this and relates, ur ocean finds a calm and u no longer are lost at sea
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