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SliptAway
228 M Embraced 2
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceApril 20, 2021
Bio
Hey :) Just looking for some like-minded people. How was your day?
Recent forum posts
First Heartbreak
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by SliptAway
Last post
 February 13th, 2022
...See more Hey guys, I hope you're having a good day. I'm looking for some advice up here because I ran out of ideas. Me and my ex girlfriend broke up in october and I still have trouble when it comes to getting fully over her. It's kinda complicated because we're still "friends" as she likes to call us, but if I'm honest it's nothing more than an acquaintance to me. I'm not allowed to ask her how she's doing or how her day was, as I'm automatically "still in love" with her when I do that, but if I don't give her any attention, I'm the "arrogant bitch" who thinks is better than anyone. I feel like no matter what I do, it's always the wrong thing. I've already come to realize that we would have never worked out in the first place, as in my eyes there are major lacks of personality traits that I look for in a persons character. I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression after our breakup, but I knew that I've had it for at least 5 years, so mental health has always been an important topic to me. I've tried to talk about it, beacuse she's forced me to open up to her, but all she said was "get over your imagination, it's all in your head, none of it is real." After my 18th birthday in November, I fell in a major depressive episode again and back then we still used to be close, even though we weren't together anymore. I let her in and showed her what my depression looked like and for a moment it really felt like it could work out again, as she told me that we'll get through it together and that maybe one day I could call her "my wife" again. But from one day to another she became distant again and when I asked her what's wrong she said "before you come for me, how about you focus on becoming normal." That one hit me hard, because things like this had almost cost me my life a few years ago. So there it was, the end of "cuddling as friends, but you still make me blush and my heart races when I'm with you" (also what she said.) It really broke me back then, as I still was deeply in love with her. The hardest part though was pretending that nothing happened, while seeing her almost every day, because we have the same friend group. I even spent christmas with her and let her come to my new years eve party and all I've gotten in return are cold stares, distance and being treated like durt. A few months have passed now and I wouldn't consider myself still in love. It's more like i'm frustrated, because I've really tried my best to be her friend, when all she ever did was pushing me away. The last few weeks I've kinda lost all of my respect for her, but even though in my eyes she's kind of a walking red-flag (not to be mean that's just how I see her right now), sometimes I still think about her when I go to bed, missing her touch, having her near and falling asleep next to her. I can't get over the thought that a part of my heart still loves the girl she used to be, when everything was perfect. The girl I've fallen for, when I had promised myself to never fall in love again. The girl that doesn't exist anymore. And I've been wondering if that girl has ever been real in the first place. Thank you guys for taking your time to read this giant text. I appreciate your effort.
It hurts
Depression Support / by SliptAway
Last post
 July 13th, 2021
...See more Hey guys i'm sorry to bother you, but i don't have anyone else i could go to right now. I've just lost a very important person to me. Or let's say a version of someone which I held on to. We used to be so close, she was my best friend. The first person where I was able to fully be myself. But she's right we grew apart a long time ago and we both tried to hold onto something that wasn't there anymore and that wasn't good for any of us. I guess it was necessary to go different ways at some point. We both relied on each other way too much. But she's found her way and she's happy now and that's all i ever wanted. I'll have to find a way to figure out what to do now and it's not going to be easy. I'm not gonna lie to myself. I've loved her for a very long time, but she's not the girl she used to be anymore, we both have changed. It hurts so much to accept the fact that we've lost what we had and I'll probably need some time to let her go. I just hope that i'll find my own way too. Thanks for reading.
Doing the right thing i guess
Depression Support / by SliptAway
Last post
 June 11th, 2021
...See more Hey guys it's been a rough day for me and i just want to let it all out. I've never really talked about myself so this is a little hard for me. I've always put other people and their needs before my own, because I tend to care a lot about the ones around me and don't get me wrong helping people is great, but sometimes it's a little self destructive. Let's say i've recently started to fall for someone and then i found out that this certain someone is falling for someone who's also close to me. However I know that they would be good for each other as they've both been through a lot and deserve to be happy. So i'm gonna help them get together. I've done this all before (helping the person i'm in love with, being happy with someone else). I know it'll break my heart again, but I have to do it still. I want them to be happy they both deserve to be treated in the best way and I'm sure they will do the best they can to give each other the world. It's just the right thing to do i guess. I can take the pain i'm used to it after all so i'll back off and let them be happy. Nobody else has to know about how I feel. It doesn't matter as long as they're alright. It will go away eventually anyway. But sometimes I just wish that i could have someone to be happy with. It would make "doing the right thing" so much easier. People always say "you'll get what you deserve" so it's like that i guess? I just wish i'd deserve to find love someday.
How can I be there for someone I'm not in contact with?
Depression Support / by SliptAway
Last post
 May 14th, 2021
...See more Hey I have a question for you guys, it's a little complicated. So there's that girl I used to care about a lot, I think we've had some sort of a connection back then, but we lost track of eachother. We haven't talked in 6 years, but lately she keeps appearing in some of my dreams and I've started to think about her again out of nowhere. Yesterday I coincidentally found out that she wasn't doing great and that she's been struggling with depression for a while now and ever since I found out there's been this weird feeling. I've got that huge urge to be there for her. Like I just feel the need to go see her, talk to her, hold her in my arms and tell her that everything's gonna be alright. Maybe that's because I've been struggling with depression myself and I don't want people to feel like that. Although I'm in an "Up" phase right now and I keep getting better, sitting here and doing nothing, while she's in a dark place just makes me feel so useless and it messes with my head. I haven't been able to think about anything else all day and I'm desperately trying to find a solution. I feel like I'm a bad person, but what am I supposed to do? I can't just walk up to her house and be like "We haven't seen eachother in 6 years, but here I am now. Wanna talk? " or can I? I'd really appreciate some opinions on this whole situation. Thank you for taking your time to hear me out. I hope you've had a great day! <3
Letter to myself :
Depression Support / by SliptAway
Last post
 May 21st, 2021
...See more Dear me, I know this letter might surprise you, because we never used to be close friends and I usually don't check up on you, but I guess we need to talk. I'm not going to apologize to you even though you'd deserve it, but we both know that apologies, even if they come from heart, won't change the way that things have been. Apologies are promises from people who wronged you, to not wrong you again. I can't give you that promise right now, because I don't know if I'll break it someday. But you're used to it aren't you? You're used to live with that uncertainty, because you've gotten empty promises before. You're used to them being broken. You know what it's like to get hurt and you blame yourself for it, because your expectations were to high. You know the pain that comes along with it, it's always there, but you got used to it. You also grew from it right? Because you're the strong one, you've always been remember? Oh you're so mature for your age and you're so independent and responsible. Isn't that what they told you? But it was never your choice, was it? You never chose to grow up fast. But you knew that if it wasn't you, nobody would take care of them. So you gave up on your childhood to become everyone's parent, to make sure everyone's doing alright and with that you pushed away your own feelings and needs. You were so absorbed by fixing everyone else's problems that you forgot about your own. You kept them inside, far away from everyone's eyes, so that they won't get worried. But you're fine, right? I mean why wouldn't you be? You've got a home, good grades, loving friends and family, what else would you need to be happy? I don't know what's wrong and neither do you, but we both know that you haven't been "fine" in a long time. You know you're not happy. You've been numb for years, you know that you're lost and trapped in your mind. You sit there as the time flies by unable to feel emotion. Is there even anything left inside of you? There were days you couldn't even get out of bed, because every step would've been too much. The same people who once praised you for being mature are now calling you lazy and useless, but you wouldn't tell them what's going on, would you? It's easier to disappoint them, than to show them how you feel. So you keep on pretending that you're in control of it, you're living your life like the grown up person you're expected to be, to maintain your image as "the strong one". I know you can see what it does to you, because I can see it too. I know I said I wouldn't apologize, but I feel bad for what I did to you. I never meant to wrong you like that. I wish I would have known it from the start, maybe that would have changed the outcome. I hope that someday you can forgive me, for putting you in this mess. With this letter I'm trying to tell you, that I still care and I won't give up on you. I've lost you once and I think I'm about to lose you again, but this time I will fight. Because after all, you're the only one that I have left. Sincerely, you.
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