Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
discreetMango7530
3 566 M Embraced 4
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 13, 2024
Bio
Recent forum posts
discreetMango7530 profile picture
Enmeshed advice (serious) boyfriend
Relationship Stress / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 Monday
...See more My long distance boyfriend/fiancé is military and an only son, including sadly only has a handful of family members. If this helps. I believe my boyfriend/fiancee is an enmeshed relationship with his parents. The main reason I believe that is he literally can’t say no or yes to them but just says ok and it happens, they don’t really ask him either. He defends me though in conversation with them if they say something out of line but will later defend them when I say I get bothered by their words or decisions. His mother is mainly the culprit for these situations where she’ll say let’s do this or that or I’m going to do this and it goes, sometimes she asks but does it some other way whether convincing him or not, only to my bf though. My bf constantly feels like they’re going to pass soon or guilty for not doing more or being better son, even though he’s been unbelievably good, successful, and everything they believe. Truthfully I don’t know how to go about it with him because now he’s letting them run things we’re supposed to be building up or experiencing together. I get he’s the only son and that he’s successful but it now feels like I’m competing or begging for him to be with me. We were supposed to spend Christmas and new years together for him to meet my side of family but his parents/mother just basically said “Thanksgiving and Christmas we celebrate together and we can bring family dog for a week to your place” and he just says ok. Even though he tells me later that it’s complicated with work and that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to have work off or what will be happening then… like why agree to your parents if you don’t know but with me it’s unsure. He kept back peddling and kinda lost with what he was saying, like he was trying to defend his parents on why his parents can visit or he visits them but ended up blurting out “of course I’ll always have time for them, they’re always priority to me” so ouch. It’s starting bother me and my bad habits are starting to push him away entirely but I don’t want to, I’m just scared he’s going to bothered my feelings again and make me feel last in his priorities and treat me poorly because of his parents. I don’t blame his parents either it’s mainly him allowing it. Do I tell him he’s in enmeshment situation with his parents? and if so how?
discreetMango7530 profile picture
Enmeshed (serious) boyfriend advice
Relationship Stress / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 September 11th
...See more My long distance boyfriend/fiancé is military and an only son, including sadly only has a handful of family members. If this helps. I believe my boyfriend/fiancee is an enmeshed relationship with his parents. The main reason I believe that is he literally can’t say no or yes to them but just says ok and it happens, they don’t really ask him either. He defends me though in conversation with them if they say something out of line but will later defend them when I say I get bothered by their words or decisions. His mother is mainly the culprit for these situations where she’ll say let’s do this or that or I’m going to do this and it goes, sometimes she asks but does it some other way whether convincing him or not, only to my bf though. My bf constantly feels like they’re going to pass soon or guilty for not doing more or being better son, even though he’s been unbelievably good, successful, and everything they believe. Truthfully I don’t know how to go about it with him because now he’s letting them run things we’re supposed to be building up or experiencing together. I get he’s the only son and that he’s successful but it now feels like I’m competing or begging for him to be with me. We were supposed to spend Christmas and new years together for him to meet my side of family but his parents/mother just basically said “Thanksgiving and Christmas we celebrate together and we can bring family dog for a week to your place” and he just says ok. Even though he tells me later that it’s complicated with work and that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to have work off or what will be happening then… like why agree to your parents if you don’t know but with me it’s unsure. He kept back peddling and kinda lost with what he was saying, like he was trying to defend his parents on why his parents can visit or he visits them but ended up blurting out “of course I’ll always have time for them, they’re always priority to me” so ouch. It’s starting bother me and my bad habits are starting to push him away entirely but I don’t want to, I’m just scared he’s going to bothered my feelings again and make me feel last in his priorities and treat me poorly because of his parents. I don’t blame his parents either it’s mainly him allowing it. Do I tell him he’s in enmeshment situation with his parents? and if so how?
discreetMango7530 profile picture
I feel like I’m a problem to everyone and I know im struggling
Depression Support / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 September 5th
...See more Summary. I’ve always struggled imo with a lot of different things, depression, anxiety, self esteem, (and stuff that shall not be named) preteen+ to now but now as an adult I’m trying to be better for me and my loved ones. But as I’m with my family and partner I feel like I’m failing all over again, I have nothing more to give than my care, love, and advice in my own way and it just seems like it’s not enough or it’s backlash/wrong. I’m questioning my sanity if I’m actually an awful problematic person, I’m continually changing at a safe and drastic amount for them so I can be less of a problem but it’s always the same outcome at some point. I’m so defeated and I feel like I’m reversing in my mental again, I’ve just barely gotten ahold of my physical care again and I’m trying to be more independent to get a normal life with a drivers license but everything is telling me to give up and hermit till I decide “something” happens. NO I’m NOT wanting to, but living in that state of mind for more than half of my life, my mind easily goes back to cope because it’s comfortable there. I just need advice on maybe things I can do for myself or others. Anything will do, thank you.
discreetMango7530 profile picture
Bf lied and is hiding stuff
Relationship Stress / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 June 5th, 2025
...See more So I’m back again, context my bf of about 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago and switched up on me a day later and now we are working on this to get back to together. So right now we aren’t officially together but committed. More context there’s his best friend whom isn’t the issue as an individual but what my bf did at the time was really toxic and cruel, he wasn’t realizing that I was going insane and getting really upset over that fact he would prefer her because she was a positive person in his life, even after he learned she disliked me and disliked his gf being around them when they’re hanging out. He then called me names (insane, mean person, evil, crazy) whenever I tried to tell him what his relationship with his best friend was doing to my mental state and that him treating me poorly was the last straw after so many months of tolerating it. He ended up cutting her off and said he will never talk to her again. After he broke with me and we both regretted it and decided to repair things between each other to be a couple again, he had started talking to her again and is re-adding her on everything and hanging with her late nights/all day again during our healing and fixing of our broken relationship. Again I don’t really care about her, but more of the principle of him talking to her and all the trauma and betrayal from them being friends in the past. He had reassured me during our healing, as friends and becoming more, that he won’t ever talk to her again and undo anything we’ve already discussed and fixed. Fortunately, I found out by complete accident and not by bad expectations. Unfortunately, I found out he’s talking to her, hanging out with her, and not saying a word. Now I sit here understanding and accepting he lied but now I want to know what to do. I want to hope at least that he tells me he talking to her without me asking. I want to hope he’ll tell me why he lied and did this. I don’t want to ask him directly because I feel I’m accusing him, but I need to know something at some point because it’s eating at me of why he lied and what made him decide to betray my trust once more. A part of me wants to just unadd and block him on everything I possibly can and maybe say he's disappointing and accept he’s untrustworthy and not worth my precious time. But I love him and I know he does love me so I don’t want to throw away something that could be harmless. Again I don’t hate her in particular, I just don’t trust her and him together, he’s lied before by not telling me stuff when he should’ve and he’s said before he’s preferred her because she’s a positive person in his life. Just a whole lot of stuff. Their relationship is toxic to my mental state. Any advice would be awesome, I’m at a weird standstill anyways.
discreetMango7530 profile picture
Bf would rather hangout with his girl best friend.
Relationship Stress / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 October 12th, 2024
...See more So my boyfriend thinks that his girl best friend is more entertaining and fun than I, his girlfriend. He has once said that I am too competitive and serious before so I tried to be less and more joking but it seemed like no difference. Anyway, he hangs out with his girl best friend that dislikes me and refuses to be around me almost all the time. I’ve expressed how weird and boundary crossing that is and I was reassured but also my feelings for that was pushed to the side. moral of the story should I stay or not? He’s not a bad guy but the way he continues to not take action on what’s uncomfortable is very telling of where he stands between me and his girl best friend. If he told me he was weird about one of my guy friends I’d stop contacting that friend for my partners comfort no question asked. He’s unwillingly to even acknowledge that his girl best friend is in the wrong.
discreetMango7530 profile picture
Bf not acknowledging my insecurities and fears
Relationship Stress / by discreetMango7530
Last post
 September 22nd, 2024
...See more My (long distance) bf and I had an incident with his girl best friend (online) where she was “uncomfortable” or “scared” of me even though I never fully met her at all (because of her). In short, she kept lying and changing her reasons of why she didn’t want me around constantly for months and eventually i realized she was just blatantly making up excuses. I thought of it as super messed up and weird because she still wanted to hangout with my bf even though some of reasons aligned with him as well. When I expressed to my bf I felt distrustful and insecure about her it was not acknowledged at all until my third attempt after my “me or her” moment that he finally understood how big it was. (Yes I know it’s toxic to do that). that’s the end of backstory. Come to more recent times I expressed to him that I am fearful of him not acknowledging my insecurities or fears and hurting me again like a good example is that previous incident with his girl best friend. But he did exactly what I feared and didn’t acknowledge and solely assumed I was just talking about that incident and kept defending his girl best friend even after i corrected him multiple times that it wasn’t the incident itself but what it grew. Which is this fear. I honestly want to know if I’m crazy or not and some advice. Any and all responses are appreciated.
Search more from @discreetMango7530
Talk to an expert therapist
Throughout our lives, we are faced with many challenges and counseling can help...
Talk to Amanda Now
Badges & Awards
8 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Teammate Forum Friend Hang 10
Report an issue