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friendlyShade2009
1 1,196 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts98 Forum posts28 Forum upvotes56 Current upvotes56 Age GroupTeen Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceMarch 11, 2024
Bio

I've dealt with depression I've dealt with abuse dealt with self harm and suicide and I feel like no one cares

Recent forum posts
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I'm trying
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 August 27th, 2025
...See more I recently partnered up with rainn and I'm supposed to be doing assembly campaigns for sexual assault and domestic violence victims and I'm supposed to go to other schools like high schools and do this but none of the high schools will return my emails I live in Arizona so I'm trying to do all of the high schools as much as possible and I've emailed pretty much all of them I'm supposed to tell my story and how I got past it and for some reason I can't even get a high school till even let me do the assembly because no one can pick up their emails anymore there is a high chance that girls 15 and 16 are getting sexually assaulted and 99% of the time they don't say anything because they're scared and have no one to talk to I put in my email and everything that I thought it was a good idea if I do it because I'm survivor not just that most of the time these girls don't even know what sexual assault really is and don't know that they're being sexually assaulted anyone know a school that will let me ???
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I can feel it again
Depression Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 August 27th, 2025
...See more I was diagnosed with depression a while ago I stuck all of my time instead of sleeping I stuck all of it into studying I studied so much I got nominated for the medical future medical leaders at Harvard and instead of my family being happy my brother told me but I couldn't do it my sister told me that I was a scam to have to pay to even go over to Boston my mother won't post about me and when I did post my nominations certificate online everybody except my family liked it and told me congratulations just feel unhappy about it
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Smile
Friendship Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 July 14th, 2025
...See more My smile is just gone we all have that fake smile and we don't notice when we do fake smile but we know that we are not happy the person that mad me smile was my ex boyfriend we broke up because we just did not feel like we were good as girlfriend and boyfriend so we ended as friends and we were good friends but then we stopped talking for 3 months a lot had happened he lost a friend because he died and I got sexually assaulted but I did not tell him that so 3 months passed he got a girlfriend and slowly went away he stopped texting me then stopped looking at my stories then he blocked me and he went away completely I never really talk to him again I was mad at first at the fact that he left and I wasn't mad because last In the year I met a guy who worried about me and gives me all his attention but once in a while I think of my ex because he mad me truly smile we joked a lot and it was fun.
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Trama
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 June 29th, 2025
...See more I feel like I can't breathe today I feel like I'm nobody I feel like I'm sitting at the dining room table by myself but when really my entire family is there I feel like more alone than usual I feel like no one's there I'm trying my best to exist I'm trying my best to exist in this world I just can't exist I'm trying my best to exist for the people in my life so don't want them to go through the struggle not existing I feel numb I have no feelings towards sad things or anything or happy things I haven't felt happiness in a while the one person that actually made me laugh stop talking to me cuz he felt like I was boring and I guess I am boring but I never told him the reason why I'm so numb why I'm so dead inside I focused everything on him mainly and now he's gone not physically gone he just doesn't want to talk to me I feel like I'm inhaling and inhaling and inhaling for everybody and when I breathe it doesn't even feel like breathing it feels like I'm talking to myself which I am in a room I used to talk to myself in a mirror when I was a little kid acting like my own therapist saying that it gets better but I don't believe it gets better
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Trama
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 June 25th, 2025
...See more I got sexually assaulted back in October of 2024 I feel like I can't breathe I feel like my brain has been shut off I feel like I'm looking in a mirror with a different person on the other side all the things that I've ever happened in my life I feel like it's on paper but it's not me I feel like I'm having an identity crisis I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore I see this person in these photos and I say oh well she's to have such a life I don't even know who I am feel like I can't breathe I feel like I'm inhaling all the time I feel like I'm doing things for other people and not for myself anymore I feel like I'm someone that I'm not I feel like a nobody I feel like if I die that no one would even know no one would even care because they don't even know who I am
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Depressed
Depression Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 June 16th, 2025
...See more I just wanna sleep though life I just can't handle it anymore I wanna sleep though all of my life and not deal with life anymore I'm tired of it I want to not feel the way I feel I'm tired of it but too scared to call the suicide hotline
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assault
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 April 23rd, 2025
...See more I'm having a tough time right now because I acted like I did not care after getting assaulted I bottled it all up and acted fine when I'm not I have not cried I front of anyone I only cry at night I noticed the little things after it happed I am scared of grown men now I hate my boobes I want to get them cut off I hate going anywhere even to the store I don't like being hugged by men or touched I cry if they do I'm only 16 and i feel like I'm dying in side and no one is seeing it 
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Sexual assault
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 December 23rd, 2024
...See more I live in Coolidge Arizona growing up my dad abused me and October 19th I was sexually assaulted by my father he wanted my phone out of my bra I was wearing a black jacket and no shirt under just a black sports bra I am a 15 year old with D cups. It was my dad's day and I had just gotten back from a sleepvover and it was 12 am and I was tired so I was at my mom's house. The court says I'm allowed to have my phone at my dad's house and that he can not take it from me he can also not do corporal punishment on me. It was 12:00 a.m. and my father had came to the door of my mom's house and told me to come outside and leave my phone at my mom's house I told him no I put the phone in my bra and we went to his house we got into the house I walked into the kitchen and then I walked into the living room and he unzipped my jacket and reached into my bra and try to grab my phone he was scratching me and was assaulting me I got pushed to the floor and hit my head and my back on the tile really hard I was crying and became a little ball crying he left for a while to play cards I limping to the bathroom locked the door and texted my friend the address 10 minutes later the cops came my father was not arrested at all they opened an investigation and CPS came it's December now I was supposed to talk to a detective and never got a call they basically gave up on me Coolidge cops gave up on me CPS never looked in his house he has all types of drugs in his house out in the open he drinks alcohol a lot and it's filled in his fridge CPS gave up on me the cops never arrested him for sexual assault towards a minor. My father lives 2 streets down from me . The nightmare every night. Every one gave up. I even did a rape kit to help the case but it's going nowhere I feel alone I LEFT SOME PARTS OUT BECAUSE I DONT WANT PEOPLE KNOWING WHAT HE SAID TO ME DURING IT!!!
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