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funnyBeechwood2087
182 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 20, 2020
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Anxiety, stress and eating
Anxiety Support / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 January 9th, 2022
...See more I’ve had anxiety all my life. Feel like I was born with it. I’ve never really known how to control it, I’ve been on and off meds for more then a decade. The only thing that calms my anxiety and the stress I get from my anxiety is eating. Preferably sweets. There is no control when it comes to eating those items when I’m stressed and anxious.if I eat say 30 cookies then I feel some relief. Not typically an issue except my weight is becoming an issue. I’ve started to not buy any sweet items or components to make them. But the holidays were rough with cookies being sent and made everywhere. It’s a hard thing to realize you feel like there is no control inside of you to say no so something you know will calm you down. But I know it’s not healthy on many levels. I’ve started going to the gym, but it’s not helping my anxiety in the same day food does. Plus I feel like my inability to control the amount eat makes the gym pointless. I workout to go home and stuff my face. I guess I’m just curious for others perspective, any thoughts, ideas or suggestions. I’m struggling with this
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Love seems out of reach
Relationship Stress / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 February 24th, 2021
...See more I look at those around me who have found the magic formula, or treasure map to their significant other and wonder why I can't seem to find my map, or make the right magic formula. I consider my list of needs from a guy who could be my forever partner to be pretty simple. And yet I have tried and failed so many times, I'm beginning to wonder if my map is made for another planet. And my magic potion is only sugar water. Is it really that hard to find someone to love all of you, good and bad so much so that they want to see you everyday for the rest of their life? To me that seems pretty simple, and yet my net has been coming up with only dead fish with each cast. I just want to be loved, it just comes down to that.
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Moving on
Relationship Stress / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 December 14th, 2020
...See more I've been trying to meet new people since my break up a year ago from my longest relationship I've been in. And I've met three guys and tried to build a relationship with them, but they all end the same way. They end with me being ghosted but the guy. It's been pretty defeating to me. I feel like a defective person. That since my longest and only loving relationship I'm falling flat in my face trying to find love again. I do not understand why guys think ghosting someone is the acceptable way to end it with someone. I'd like to think I'd feel better knowing what went wrong but I know I'll never get the closure from them.
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Feeling love
Relationship Stress / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 November 15th, 2020
...See more I don't know if it's just me, but feeling loved became addicting to me. I had parents who didn't show love or affection in any form other then making sure I was alive. So when i finally found someone who loved me, and loved all of me including the broken pieces. It made me feel accepted, and valued. That all the baggage I have, can be loved. It made me happy, and it gave me confidence. But then when we broke up, all of that faded away. It caused me to wonder if that was even true to begin with. And I find myself now, wanting and wishing to feel that feeling of being loved by another person. But being even more petrified to trying to find someone again, who will hopefully give me that feeling again.
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Don’t know what to think, feel, or do
Relationship Stress / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 November 1st, 2020
...See more I'm new to this group, but I"m glad it exists because I need to connect with someone/people who are feeling the same things as me. I've got a lot of feelings and thoughts about my break up that I try to process and understand that they're valid. So I met my ex two years ago in October. We instantly were connected and became best friends. I felt safe, understood, heard, and loved more then I ever have been my entire life. At the time we met I had a long off goal of going to grad school, but kept getting rejected from my top school. He understood that eventually I'd be leaving to go back to school, it was something we discussed this a lot. He was all for me pursuing my dream, said he'd be ok at home just playing games and working. He even said he'd come up and visit me, fly up in case the winter weather was too bad to drive. I honestly felt like he was the person I was meant to marry, he just completed me in a way I've looked for all my life. He has been the only person to look at my major baggage and issues I've got and said, "that's ok I'll get you a better suitcase and carry it for you". He looked at all my brokeness and said I'll go get some super glue and help you put the pieces back together. So I moved to school which is 4 hours away from him, and things were going ok. I could tell there was a little extra stress because of the distance, but we did what we could to talk often. A little after our one year anniversary he asked me a question that started the downward spiral. He asked if he could sleep with other people while I was at school, not necessarily an open relationship. Just that having a person to have regular sex with. He's a very sexual person, uses it to cope/destress. It crushed me, we talked about it for a long time. But I couldn't get myself to say yes and allow it. It felt like he'd be cheating on me; he felt like it was just meaningless sex with someone, no attachement.I know what he asked wasn't right, or acceptable. We ended up breaking up a few months later. I felt like my world had ripped apart, I've never felt this things I felt in the months that followed. I physically was in pain, different areas on my body everyday. We came to the conculsion that we can still be friends, just not together. So I still hear from him almost everyday, he is the one and only person I can tell anything and everything too without being judged, he's the only one in my life that supports me. I couldn't let him go entirely, and he felt the same way. I see him when i occasionally come home, it brings me happiness to see him. He makes me laugh, and he calms me, and pushes me to keep going after my goals. My major conflict right now, is I still have feelings for him. I think I always will. It's been 10 months since we broke up and my feelings haven't faded, probably because i still talk to him and see him. But I was hoping that time would help, but it's really made it worse. I'm trying to focus my attention on someone else, talked to a few guys and nothing comes of it except finding out they just want a physical relationship. I can't help but feel like he was my one and only shot at feeling what I felt with him, that i'll end up alone. That nobody will really understand me like he did. There was a discussion about getting back together after I was done with grad school, or at the very least see where each other was at at that time. I don't want to miss out on someone else good while I wait for that time to come, but I also don't want to pass up what we had. I know what he asked was unaccetable, but i still can't help how i feel. I turned 30 this month, and have been having a lot of thoughts about what i want in life, and how i haven't accomplished much of it by the age i wanted to. i've never been more lonely then I am right now. And i don't know what to do about it. Sorry about the thesis book I wrote, like i said i've got a lot of thoughts and feelings about all this and no where for them to go.
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Loveable or unlaveable
Relationship Stress / by funnyBeechwood2087
Last post
 October 8th, 2020
...See more Anyone else feel like after your break up that you're unloveable? Like if I couldn't make it work with this person, then I'll never be with someone? Almost like a defect or something? Like I feel like he was my one shot at love and now that we aren't together anymore I feel defective, unloveable.
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