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idkkkkkk69
1 343 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceNovember 30, 2022
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sad
Depression Support / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 May 7th
...See more i want to see the young me enjoying life, i want to see her happy, loved. i want a hug from her. she must be so sweet. i miss her. that cute little kid.  i dont think, the way i am, i can ever be able to find real love or any real connection, its all one character to another im jumping to make acquaintance with whoever i feel like. except i cant maintain a character for long its depressing i hate it. hate looking at them and thinking how they not know the real me how all they know about is fake, how they think im so cool and just their copy perhaps a match made in heaven, a godly coincidence. hate it cant change it. its addictive 
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finding comfort in depressive scenarios
General Support / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 November 11th, 2025
...See more i'll get straight to the point. i stay at home 24*7, dont talk to friends much, go outside once in a month (pretty *** i know) hence i picked up a habit of daydreaming.  now the thing is initially i found comfort through daydreaming no matter what the irl situation, but now i daydream about my family's death and how sad ill be and how ill be left alone because of that blahblah and... it gives me comfort. i found it so sad and comforting at the same time idk how to stop im afraid how intensely i daydream about this i might as well manifest it  please help, if someone can. idk what to make out of it or how to stop it or what does it even mean.
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im bored and feeling expressive so...
Journals & Diaries / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 August 29th, 2025
...See more hi *** last 11 months or so are so complicated for me, nothing big happened yet it was all a mess in my head. after giving one of my first big competitive exam, which i took too personal on my ego btw i wanted to pass so bad i wanted to show some people that i could do it- it was stupid actually i should have done that for myself even tho i passed its been a mess since then, the result somehow boosted my imposter syndrome and i kinda isolated myself which did not help, it made things worse i fell into disassociating, daydreaming, even paranoia. i was too much in my head, overthinking, daydreaming, i shut down from my emotions. it resulted in brain freeze, like a lot of them, even at slight problems or critical thinking situations my mind would just go blank. i become super underconfident with low self esteem, i wouldnt take anything seriously nothing mattered to me no matter what it was i just didnt care- but little did i know it would come bite me in the ***, i was empty vessel, nothing but for silly little laughters- and that was not good for me i didnt want this life- this me, i didnt want to be someone ambitionless someone with zero values, self respect, or emotions even- i have big time mood instability and thanks to that i dont wanna write anymore adios
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vent [TRIGGER WARNING]
Self-Harm Recovery / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 April 7th, 2025
...See more Hi i first self harmed was 9 years ago i just wanted to feel something at that time and self harm was kinda soothing for me so whenever i got overwhelmed i used to sh and it would put my mind to an ease. but i dont feel like that anymore sh hasnt been the same, it doesnt help me feel any better now. im not easily triggered and sh hasnt been my answer to anything now, but there are some days when my brain goes all intrusive on me and all i can think of is sh, i wanna do things like smash my hand against a window, break glass, st@b mys3lf, or just the usual like cutt!ng mys3lf, and it's so strong that the only think stopping me from doing it is the people around me, and im a big what-will-people-think-about-me person and i live with my family so i dont act on my intrusive thoughts but i dont like ignoring them either i mean i wanna try that *** it looks so promising the blood, the shattered glass, the pain i dont know why i feel this way , the obsession with this is crazy. i dont sh anymore, im 2 months clean, i know thats not much but i havent harmed myself the same like i used to so it all just feel like an act to me now so idk (im not in crises for gods sake) please share your thoughts/experience if you relate or anything.
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vent
Journals & Diaries / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 April 5th, 2025
...See more Hi i first self harmed was 9 years ago i just wanted to feel something at that time and self harm was kinda soothing for me so whenever i got overwhelmed i used to sh and it would put my mind to an ease. but i dont feel like that anymore sh hasnt been the same, it doesnt help me feel any better now. im not easily triggered and sh hasnt been my answer to anything now, but there are some days when my brain goes all intrusive on me and all i can think of is sh, i wanna do things like smash my hand against a window, break glass, st@b mys3lf, or just the usual like cutt!ng mys3lf, and it's so strong that the only think stopping me from doing it is the people around me, and im a big what-will-people-think-about-me person and i live with my family so i dont act on my intrusive thoughts but i dont like ignoring them either i mean i wanna try that *** it looks so promising the blood, the shattered glass, the pain i dont know why i feel this way , the obsession with this is crazy. i dont sh anymore, im 2 months clean, i know thats not much but i havent harmed myself the same like i used to so it all just feel like an act to me now so idk (im not in crises for gods sake)
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i just want to vent out. this may not even make sense to any of you and it's alright :)
Journals & Diaries / by idkkkkkk69
Last post
 April 5th, 2025
...See more im new to this so im just gonna vent in here for now  im not good at expressing my emotions but ive realised that ive been living on autopilot most of the time thats why i dont even care about alot of things like nothing matters to me i was just going from one day to another without realising that ive been living in my delusions more than real life thats why i had no complaints no regrets no happy memories to share with anyone thats why i dont take any of my realtionships seriously becuase it all just a dream to me and the reason i feel bad about all this is there's someone inside of me , like not literally, but its been telling me that this is not fair this is not how it should be and ive come to realise how the me inside of me feel and understand things better than the outer me. the outer me doesnt care about anything or should i say she care too much to feel anything she has social anxiety and is feared of looking dumb in public or to anyone and in order to prevent that she ends up being the most weirdly awkward with everyone and its only a part of her personality, on the other hand the inner me actually doesnt care about what people think of her she just do what she knows the best and i love her she got the best intuition she's fun confident smart and everything and i dont know why she rarely comes out i miss her 
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