Question About Keeping Frinedships

@YourFriend7666 Hey. I don't think you're a bad friend or any of that. Relationships are hard. We can try really hard to manage relationships, but they do come and go sadly on various reasons. My advice is enjoy the friends you have and will make. You deserve good people in your life and that's not something to be ashamed of. Happy holidays :)

Hey! I used to struggle with something similar. It sounds like you do well at initiating friendships but maintaining them long-term is where it starts going sideways, is that correct?

Maybe you're having a hard time with taking friendships to a more solid, fortified level. Someone has to take the first step for it to be a steadier friendship. Invite them to outings one-on-one or with a small group. Offer favors like watching their pets or helping with physical work around their home if you know they have a need for it. Give them nice gifts, even something small like "hey I saw this and thought you might like it." 

These steps were scary for me to take because I spent my teens and early 20s putting myself out there for people who ended up being more important to me than I was to them, or bending over backwards to fit into groups that weren't really going to accept me, and that constant rejection made me scared to try at all. What eventually made it better was consciously putting myself in places where I was more likely to meet people like myself (hobby groups, online social spaces), and working through my fear of reaching out and - in a way - being a good friend in return because I'd been pushed down so hard I'd forgotten how to.

If you are doing all these things and it's not being reciprocated, then you've done all you can and can't dwell on the ones that don't work out. Some people aren't looking for anything deeper than a surface-level friendship and that's okay sometimes, especially when you're united by circumstance i.e. work friends who you don't hang with on the weekend. Sometimes they're taking advantage of kindness and emotional attachment and don't give it back. You deserve people who will meet you with the level of commitment and interest you're bringing to the table.

@YourFriend7666 hey buddy! don't think too hard for yourself, longer friendships doesn't mean they will stay forever or that is the correct friendship, my bestfriend (we know each other for 15 years) is no longer my friend due to some misunderstanding, so it's alright if you don't have friendships which are longer in terms of time period. Just be nice to everyone and you'll be fine

@YourFriend7666 you are not a bad friend, the problem really is that you have to be neutral with friends when making a friend be kind honest and friendly and those who don't care of your efforts don't stay attach to them keep talking to people eventually you will find people who will value your friendship.

@YourFriend7666 it really just depends. Sometimes we're following unhealthy patterns without noticing it. I thought my friendships sucked until I realized, I always waited for them to reach put first.  At some point they felt like I didn't want THEM due to my own lack of initiation and would give up. Or sometimes we gravitate to people who have familiar pain. I'm learning you have to first start being the friend you wish you had and soon, you find friends.