I never going to have friends
My dad said years ago that I don't have friends because of my lack of communication or social skills (I don't remember clearly if he said s communication or social). He said I have friends but they are not real.
I don't know if it's the end of me of having friends 😕.
@mono101 yours is a classic example of how parents - unwittingly or otherwise - drill into us messages of 'you're never enough' 'you'll never have friends' 'you'll always be useless at...'. We then internalise these messages and it becomes the relentless voice of our inner critic. In effect, we take over their undermining job and see it through to comp!etion. You were given those negative messages so often mono, that now you're letting them define you. They're not reality, just someone else's tiresome, self-aggrandising monologuing. It doesn't have to be this way. As always, when faced with negative thoughts, we need to learn to challenge them. What evidence is there for them? Can you begin to see a way through to writing your own lifescript in adulthood and jettisoning second-hand opinings? I've linked below to the 7cups guide to !managing emotions, which explains in much more detail how to overcome old belief systems. I've also included an article on critical parents.
https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
https://www.bolde.com/unhealthy-traits-you-inherited-from-your-critical-parents/
@DemiMondaine Wow. Thank you for the info. I was trying to find any about my situation in google but I'm very conscious (reeeaallyyy) which is right or wrong information.
But for a long time I never get an idea my dad is being a bad critic to me. I just think what he is saying is true maybe that is the reason why he take me as a dental assistant to practice talking to people which is good news for me. I never know about writing a lifescript and jettisoning second-hand openings. But I was questioning if everything I do is enough.
@mono101 it's very hard when we have a constant feeling that what we're doing isn't enough, as it can be very persistent. One way through is skill building in challenging the thoughts. If you're finding your work is helping you have confidence in talking to people, this is also effective skill building.
Hey that's not true, true friends always come along the way regardless of how you're and push you to become a better version of yourself and those who don't are never your friends. Plus I'm kinda in need of a friend here too. Could def use a friend like you! Just a message away!
@DarkMessiah I need a friend, I'm going to collapse
@mono101 I'll be your online friend.....I too have no friends and fi d it hard to connect with ppl. Though I'd like to make friends. I'm not unfriendly I'm just quiet.
@Thehollowwoods01 thanks. Do you know where to start?
@mono101 I'm not sure exactly. I could always become a listener ,since I use to be part of the mentor program here on 7 cups a few years ago, under a different name. I went through a divorce and stopped listening cause I was badly hurt at that time.
@Thehollowwoods01 sorry for your divorce.
@mono101 this is my listeners account you may talk to me anytime you feel.
@mono101 I get scared this is me. When I was younger my dad told me to “just talk to people”. He didn’t understand times have changed since he was a kid. It’s hard living somewhere that’s such a low trust society. People don’t trust each other and people are more disconnected. I watched a YouTube vid recently explaining it perfectly. The video was about how there’s more homeless in China and most third world countries than USA. I forget what the video said but it was about some things I was thinking and already know. All the countries copying the American way are suffering bc it’s all about the individual, and it ends up killing people. After I moved to the south where I live now, I lost contact with all my family and haven’t seen them in years. It sucks, in other cultures this wouldn’t have happened to me.
Even in a somewhag cultural and community based country like india situation like yours occure more often than you think. You can create your own environment yknow.
@Wasted456 I don’t think India is similar to the high trust societies I’m talking about. They have a caste system there, they definitely aren’t what I’m talking about.
But ya I guess we can create our own environment sure, it’s just hard bc it’s difficult to find anybody like me. I’ve searched on Reddit and idk. It just seems like everyone I talk to already has friends, even the people who say they don’t. So then I feel worse and more isolated.
I don't have friends same as you and it's kinda obvious it's lack of communication and social skills now idk how your friends not being real but I think friends breath apart sometimes due to just time passing by I think. Also don't overthink about what your dad said he said his perspective he's right about lack of communication and social skills if you don't have friends and he maybe/may not be wrong but it's not big of a deal unless you are having trouble because of your lack of friends. And you can always make new friends yknow or connect with your old ones see how they're doing. 💙
