35+ Community Check-in November 30-December 3, 2020
Happy Monday to all of you in the 35+ community. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and you are all doing well.
For some people picking up the phone takes an enormous effort even if they rehearse what they have to say a thousand times. They still dial with shaky hands, get a panicky feeling in their chest when they hear a ring on the other end. Hating the phone doesn’t necessarily mean you have social anxiety, some people who are otherwise perfectly fine with social interactions have a deep-seated fear of making or receiving a call. One reason is that you don’t know what the other person is thinking, there are no visual clues like facial expressions, body language. One way is to deal with phone anxiety is to set a goal of calling someone and staying on the line for five full minutes and increase the call length with time.
Do you feel uncomfortable making calls in general and what helps you to lessen this discomfort? If you are fine making calls, what do you think could help people?
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Well, it depend on the person i'm taking to. Or it depends on work I'm taking care of. it will tell much of the worst of what could happen. but like for example today, i was taking to my bro, he said i can't catch up with work, because i'm taking our dad to the hospital. That, I definetly didn't see it coming.
@8Lotuss
Sorry to hear about your dad, hope everything will be okay 🤞
@amiablePeace77
Thanks
@amiablePeace77
Have always had trouble with phones. I always prefer the in person so I know who I am talking to and their reaction at the time. I still don't use the phone much, but am more comfortable when making family or business calls. Family, I know relatively what to expect and business is just that. Keep it simple.
What I ended up doing was working at a call center. Nerve-wracking at first, felt like a stick...very rigid. But as I became familiar with the material and talking to strange people, it got easier. Thankfully I was on an odd shift and there weren't many people in the call center...tried the large group setting a while after and just about had a meltdown. Still get anxiety when I have to start speaking to someone new, but it's not as bad as it used to be. I can get over it faster...only takes a few months now. :)
@courteousKitten4481
I can't even imagine what you went through when working in a call center with phone anxiety. Sounds like a tough "exposure therapy" to me. Glad to hear that it improved. When you say it only takes a few months to recover do you mean months or minutes?
@amiablePeace77
No, it's actually months. On average, outside of needed business which I steel myself to handle, it takes about six months before I will openly talk with someone. I think I had it down to four for a while.
@courteousKitten4481
I think I misunderstood you first. Sorry that you have to suffer that long until you're comfortable to talk openly to someone. Sound like you made a bad experience that you went back to 6 months from 4?
Have you ever considered therapy?
@amiablePeace77
It's just a matter of losing certain social skills that takes a while to build up. Therapy is good, have been on and off for many years. It does help. Thank you. :)
@courteousKitten4481
Good thing that social skills can be learned, it might take time but you will get there.
I've had trouble with phones since middle school when I was TAing for the office and was berated by a parent for not knowing something. I switched to the Nurse's Office after that.
I think what helped me get over that was having to make phone calls for my Mom who was librarian at a small private school. Then when I moved where I am right now, I answered phones for a small nonprofit for a little while.
@berryfields2409
Sorry to hear about that bad experience, it's good though that you could gain confidence in doing phone calls again. Libraries are wonderful places, so calm and relaxing.
Hi, for me I usually make calls only if I have to convey info.
The main reason is I usually end up randomly changing topics (even within a sentence) and criticizing myself afterwards.
Another challenge is maintaining focus on what's being said, since a word or phrase may send my mind to another world altogether.
@groundedangel
It's frustrating to find out having missed a conversation because one or two words triggered you that much that you mentally left to a different place in mind. What do you usually do to help yourself in such situations?
I find sometimes the best can be if you find yourself in the middle of a triggering conversation to choose to remove yourself (washroom trip) and focus on what you can do to be okay like breathing exercise.
@amiablePeace77 it's not so much as triggering, it's that maintaining myself to what's being said just is hard. ((We may be discussing about a report and a phrase may ignite my mind to where I've heard it before ( a song, a book, etc.) which leads to which one , when, and I'll spiral as one thought leads to another and so on))
@groundedangel
Ah, I see, so it's really about holding focus. Mindfulness can be very helpful for strengthening focus, also very meditation exercises.
It is snowing again. It's very cold and I have no more food and too cold to go out. Sigh...
@thewintershadow
Wish I could send you some sunshine from our island, hugs. Could you order some food?
@amiablePeace77
That is like of you to give some sunshine. Hopefully it will arrive by tomorrow :)
Here where I live there is no ordering service. But I'll be fine. I've gone a full day without food before and it won't kill me.
@thewintershadow
True, most of us have the reserves to go for quite some time without food but it can be hard. If find drinking lots of water helps.
@amiablePeace77
I think it mostly and greatly depends on "WHAT" I am making the call for.
If its to someone of authority or like an appointment that I don't want to deal with or be bothered with, then I might find myself a little anxious about it......Or even if I try to call a friend or family member who I haven't spoken to in a long time. I can get a little anxious there as well.
Theres really nothing that I 'do' to help or that helps to deal with it or get through it. I just try to "Suck it up Buttercup" and just make the call and get it over and done with~ 
@PoliteOcean
Often time, that "Suck it up, Buttercup" is all it takes to get over the initial anxiety. Granted, it doesn't make it go away, but it's enough to finish the call and deal with the aftermath later. :)
@PoliteOcean
I can relate to what you said, sometimes we just need to do exactly that and get over with it. I do find though that a short relaxation exercise can be very helpful.
@amiablePeace77
i almost never make phone calls. Only to my mother. I assume that no one else wants to talk to me. The last time I called someone to chat they said they had to go for a minute and would call me right back and then I never heard from them again. Like ever at all. Not text or Facebook or anything. Not sure what I did wrong if anything. Nobody ever calls me. Except mom. Sure I have to call the doctors office to make an appointment but I will procrastinate that and put things off a very long time to avaoud the phone. A family member ridicules me for my phone phobia. It's awful. I think it's better for the world not to have to talk to me
@HappyDucky8
I think it can happy easily to feel ackward to call someone with those experiences, hugs. I find many people just say "I call back" but then get all absorbed in their lives, some of them might struggle and avoid phone too though, just sharing some experience here.
Happy, we are always happy to hear from you here 
