Struggles faced in your 30s - share them here
I don t know if this group is still active but I felt related to many of the concerns that many of you have.
I'm also in my middle 30's (I don't know how I get here!) and due my own insecurities and difficulties, I have ended single and feeling far from a family or even a relationship. I know is not bad to be single, and I must know about that because I have been for a long time a single person but I also had a couple of chances to settle down but didn't for many justifiable reasons at the time. But time goes too fast and I just know understanding why and how I am where I am now and is not only good news.
Anyway, if someone wants to talk about it, I'm up to.
My cancers started all at once...
@FlowersPralinesPresents I am so sorry!!!!
Being a sandwich carer. And a single mum.
I'm dealing with my 13 daughter who is in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis and has joint hypermobility syndrome plus severe anxiety. She hasn't been at school in 5 months and won't leave the house without me. She has had 4 panic attacks just today and sensory overload. She has a lot of other undiagnosed issues going on as well.
At the same time my dad is going for a biopsy tomorrow for possible throat cancer--identified after a PET CT scan for possible lung cancer which is in the doctors words "no longer the priority" and we are waiting on CT scan results for my mum as she had a shadow on her lung!
It's like I wake in the morning and decide who I need to worry about the most. It's exhausting!
I'm 32, and I'd have to say, the hardest thing for me is seeing same-aged friends/acquaintances have already married a few years ago, with some being pregnant/already have more than one kid. I know four people, same-aged, that had a baby boy this year. (It's not like I'd want kids, but I do know I want to be married). It's hard to seeing couples getting along when they're married, when I'm still single. The more I see them being happy, the more lonely I feel. I am happy for them, but when I look at myself, it also depresses me~
@Jaeteuk I totally agree. I am going through the same thing. The moment I become comfortable being alone and going through life by myself I see everyone posting about getting married and being proposed to. I was once dating a guy for 2 years and we planned to get married and picked out a ring and because of me being in nursing school and a single mom my time was limited and he didnt live in the same state but visited often. It became too much for him and he broke it off. It was a year ago and still hurts. Dating nowadays sucks and I wonder why couldnt I have been so lucky like everyone else and be engaged or married by now. I always look at things to figure out what I can learn from an experience and I have been learning from many of my current situations that everybody In life are extremely busy and learning patiences and that our time is coming is the best way to think of things.
The last time I actually dated, I now recall it as my first and last relationship. It lasted for about a year, back when before I was 20. I guess it's harder for me to meet anyone because I'm not the social type, and I don't have any friends and I don't have any activities where I could meet people. As I get older each year, I'm actually more and more scared the I'd die one day with no one knowing, because I'm all by myself~
@imaginativeJar4481
@Jaeteuk it
My cousin suggested online dating too, but I don't like pictures of myself taken. So, I do not have any profile pictures that I could use. My parents keep telling me to try using makeup and make myself more appealing. I'm the type that only uses lipstick, and nothing else. I don't believe in making myself look "pretty" to attract the opposite sex. I want to be liked who I am, not what I make myself look like. Parents don't understand that, and I guess no one likes that either. That's why I'm still this lonely. I also don't like dressing up very feminine, nothing revealing or flashy. No one understands my style, and my parents keep telling me I dress like a high school kid~
@imaginativeJar4481
Friendship and gender have been my biggest struggles in my 30s.
I've struggled with isolation most of my life but I worked hard to make good and meaningful relationships. But by this age, most of these people are understandably occupied with their children.
I've never fit easily into my gender, but neither do I feel the need to change to something else. So I don't feel CIS-gendered and I don't really feel something else. But people want to box me in, send me off in this direction or that. It compounds making friendships as I find it hard to relate to same-gendered people and I no longer feel safe with the opposite gender.
Finding healthy bonds and a sense of belonging are increasingly difficult.
@sunnyLemon1711
Yes i feel the same. A lot of people have found their loves in university, I did not and the quality of men outside a university setting is poor. So we are stuck with no relationship and those around us have one and leaves us feeling left out. I wish I knew how to solve this, I am in the same place. Feeling very much alone and sad.
@sunnyLemon1711 Your not alone and totally can relate to some of the concerns you expressed!
@sunnyLemon1711 My biggest struggle is that I started a serious relationship in my 18s. Strange or not, I became kind of his second mother. 13 years later we are still together and still don't live together, because he betrayed me so many times that I just can't trust him. I never opened my heart for him fully, and I tried so many times. I fear that after leaving him, I might not be able to trust anyone else again and I have no energy to build everything that I build up with him. That's why I try to help him becoming a man, over and over again, so we can have a normal relationship. Although, I more and more realize that if I don't leave, he will never learn.
And after all, he's still the only person in whom's hugs calm the most. It's a closed circle, with a big lack of support from him, made me a non-working, depressed and super anxious person. And I can't get my shit together, because I'm focused on making him trustable and responsible person.
There's so much in my life that I missed. And so much I want to do, but I can't.
There, I said it.
@phannko
Thank you for being honest. Do what is best for you. Life can get better. Sometimes you need to let go to gain the real life that is waiting to unfold. Take the chance to live your best life! Lots of love!
@phannko
It sound so similar. It like you have close one around but still missing soemthing.. still their is unhappiness and no warmth. You are attached to a relationship with some reason. I had gone through such similar situations like most of time but everytime I make myself strong thinking to be strong women. Try to give myself a priority by self love. It not easy thing to practice because where emotions r involved journey become more stuff. Take care dear.
@sunnyLemon1711
It's totally wrong for others to think or try to make you feel like you should be boxed in! As long as you put your health and happiness first that's all that matters!
Well, I guess; my biggest crises in my 30's is being like in a corner, where i have no choice. I had only one choice. I just lived by it. enjoyed it. And got on with it to my mid 40's. Putting my self in that corner was the most difficult thing. I simply put limits to my mind, body and spirit. And lived it how ever it comes and goes. It helped learn about planning, although; which can make a difference, even if I don't see it working now or ever. It is fun to do it, if it works or not any way. I really enjoyed it. I didn't plan everything, just simply somethings. But it was another fun part in my 30's while I'm shutting the doors on myself. Setting limits. And still till today, sometimes doing it.
@peacefulforever333
Thanks for sharing
MEN.
That is my biggest problem. They all seem to not be able to commit. They are in relationships for 2-3 years and then a new girl walks by and they are done.
They don't realize that yes, you will have feelings for other people while in a relationship but comittment is more important. Having that comfort of companionship, security of someone by your side seems to be only of value to women. Men follow wherever their nether areas tell them to go next.
Not realizing they will get old too because they can't think of the future they will miss their boat of having kids. How many.men have we all met in their 40s and 50 finally realizing they want kids but if they have them now their kid will be 20 years old when they are 60 or 70. Also looking for a 20 year old so they can have kids. Buddy, no 20 year old wants a 40 or 50 year old man or will be on the same maturity level.
Where are the male role models ( their fathers, teachers, mentors, coaches, bosses) for these people? Or their mothers to knock some sense in their heads.
@SweetPearCrumble Hey, this is an interesting post. I get the impression you're personally going through a situation like this even though you talk about it in a very broad manner. Would you be willing to contextualize your sentiments to a personal situation? I'd like to better understand your reasoning.
@David407
Hi David, I am refering to several relationships here. I clearly have not figured out the formula to make a man want to say in a relationship with me.
@David407
I don't know what kind of example to give besides they leave without reason.
@SweetPearCrumble
I 100% agree. I am working myself out of a 11 yr marriage as we speak and it wasn't worth it. Many don't know what commitment is and if they do have been taught by media and older men to avoid it. The entire time I've felt like my maturity and drive kept it together and his lack of maturity and poor or no quality male role models (maybe just poor family structure in general) played a significant part in the breakdown.
@friendlyOwl1557
Great! ( said sarcastically), so I have to pay the price for the people around me. Maybe I should be a lesbian
@friendlyOwl1557
Sorey to hear about having a terrible marriage. I wish you find someone kind, caring and mature. Maybe the second marriage might be worth it. After all they have matured by now.
@friendlyOwl1557
It seem ladies here in this post I speak my mind. Exactly I feel what you had post and other.
I feel like I am normal person when I see all this post by other .saying what I had thought 100 times and had experience similar situation.
@SweetPearCrumble
Totally agree with your post.
building a stable family
@blueHickory43
True. With unfairly paud jobs you need to switch jobs a few times to make enough and job applications take 4 hours each and you need to apply for 10 to 50 jobs before you get an interview. Now that's time consuming. Start with fair pay and then we all can save times.... oh wait... that would make sense... guess the world cant do that. Those people who are 50 have no idea how lucky they are. They have friends and jobs that lasted more than a year.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm single too, but that's not my problem. (Infact I'm the happiest I've been! Relationships drain Everything out from me!)
My biggest struggle is financial insecurity. It is so difficult to keep my life together at this age if I'm not already doing well. And knowing that people who are much younger to me and making double of what I am is very difficult to digest. I often wonder why did choose the path I did! And then people my age are doing so well because they all planned it right from their younger days, so although I start now I'll still be behind them. And Cherry on the top is I have debts to repay which is never ending.
@plumBeechwood7549
If you planned all your life or not, you still will get screwed. Nope we don't have it all together at 30, it's unrealistic. Yes the 20 year old are making more than the 30 year olds. There is so much people can discriminate others by and thus pay them less or more based on that. Life is unfair and will always be that way. The union and HR are not on your side, it's a conflict of interest as they get paid by the same company. We need to make peace with the fact we will always get cheated and no good is left in this world. At least not for our generation. We were all give a life sentence for crimes we did not do. It will be over one day.
@plumBeechwood7549
I also struggle financially, and it feels like there's no way out, and everything just keep coming my way, and it's exhausting! But I'm trying, I'm trying my best here, and I do believe that my best will pay off!
@reliableSouth8668
I understand exactly how you feel. I hope you will too!
@reliableSouth8668
That is a scary place to be but ypur efforts will pay off. Slow and steady wins the race. You can do it and will. Sending positve energy your way!
The biggest stress so far in my 30's have been fatherhood, marriage and what seems to be my failure in those endevours. Also, I am about to retire from the Job I love after doing in for nearly 20 years. Also, just the fact the as we are moving foward in life, a lot of our friends come and go. I often have had trouble staying in touch.
@thedadwholostitall
Yes , I hate the coming and going of friends. It's too much. Trust me, you are a great father and that's because you worry about being a great father and you see that you have made mistakes. We all are not perfect but the fact you can see it and then want to change it is amazing. If you take steps to change that is the gold standard of human beings. You'll be okay
@thedadwholostitall
hey there, I agree - the fact that you give enough of a crap to worry about fatherhood shows that you are doing something right.. hang in there! I worry daily that Im failing as a mom but its true that we are hardest on ourselves. Marriage is rough and losing friends sucks - been through all of it and its not easy.. ever. Feel free to vent at me any time - we are all in this crazy life thing together
@thedadwholostitall