Struggles faced in your 30s - share them here
In my culture most people are married with children by now. Those who are single are very busy because they filled their lives with other things. Therefore, if you are single it is very difficult to find quality time with friends. It seems to be better to learn how to be okay on your own, find things to do that you enjoy. However, everyone needs contact with other human beings,, not so?
@Chiaroscuro1
Thank you for sharing here with us about this. Sounds like a challenging situation to be in, to me.
Perhaps each person in this situation might approach it somewhat differently, and even possibly change how they spend their time, either alone or with other people, depending on how they feel, if other people are available to spend time with, and other things.
What do you think of the idea of possibly trying to find balance, in time alone and time with other people, Chiaroscuro1?
@Lilylistens - Thank you for answering me. Everything you said is true. Especially about people being different, situations being different and needs being different at different times. Finding the balance is that golden standard. And I'm sure that it will take time and little adjustments to reach that balance. And then maybe still little adjustments to keep that balance.
Maybe what I tried to describe is more difficult for people who have only a few friends. I lived alone and felt like I always had to wait for someone to invite me so that I can fit into their schedules without disturbing them. It was very difficult for me when I knew I just needed a little human company (not necessarily a deep conversation) and I couldn't find anyone available. Then I had to decide to go out somewhere like watching a movie or keep myself busy at home. I could phone someone, but I pretty much hated that (speaking over the phone). Eventually I think I just withdrew and threw the balance out the window. It's easier to have balance now that I'm living with my family again. But that was not the balance I had in mind. Maybe sometimes things work out for good even if it is not what we had in mind.
@Chiaroscuro1
thats true chiaro 💜
@Chiaroscuro1
I so agree. I sometimes think I turned everything upside down, I was married when no one had been married yet I got divorced when everyone just started getting married and then the scenario was repeated. Now I moved to a different country after 10 years and all my friends are married when I am again discovering being single and it's not easy but it is my choice although it is also a result of being deeply hurt and scared of another disappointment. It takes a lot of work and self-awareness to discover your habits and try to change them, so I am trying to focus on myself but there are moments I wish I was ready for a healthy relationship.
@Chiaroscuro1
I talk them i like their kids and try to latch onto their family outings. Some will let me join in as the cool "Aunty"/parent friend. When I really just want to spend time.with my friend. I usually end up chating with my friend helping her with meal prep at times. It is a win win situation. She gets cooking help and I get someone to chat with and a hug.
@Chiaroscuro1
I know, it would be nice if all the lonely ppl got together and spent time with each other so we do not need to be lonely anymore
I'm 32 and I still can't get over my dreams of wanting to be an actress despite my nilch chances of making it in Hollywood. I just got my bachelors but it is not good enough for the job market these days. I'm sick of people assuming I don't want to go to grad school. I can't go because my overall gpa is 2.6 and my only shot would be semi phony online schools that are pains in the butt.
@PrincessKLS1983
I got into grad school, at a reputable state university, with a 2.6. Not only was my GPA unimpressive, it was for a degree in a completely unrelated field. What I did was work in a related field for a few years (paid internships and seasonal work, mostly) and then, on my grad school application essay, explained that in undergrad, I had not known what I wanted to do and had just kind of muddled through, then discovered what I really wanted and was now ready to go back to school with a more mature sense of what it would take. I also had some good recommendation letters from bosses, which I'm sure helped.
So it's possible! It might take some extra work and time to get there, but I wouldn't give up on the idea just yet.
@probablyNot. Yayyyyy thats awesome !!! So break your leg /lots of shit to you and all those cute lucky charms to make you powerful !!!
😊😊💜🍀🎬
@PrincessKLS1983
I am sorry your GPA sucks. There is nothing wrong with those commu ity collage courses or 1 year diplomas in radiology or dental hygenist, or office admin. Many times they pay okay but are loaded with job security and benefits. Screw society, they told us many lies. You get a post secondary education and ur life ia golden. What a load of crap. I am also, still working out my career and life. Very disappointed.while everyome keeps moving along
I'm 31 and all my family and friends got married and had kids. I'm more of a loner so i don't date or go out anywhere. And that's ok to me, but everyone pressures me into getting a girlfriend and so on. I did want that, but not so much anymore.
@TheRavensEyes I'm just pretty much in the past few years have gotten comfortable with my sexuality but unfortunately I keep on meeting jerks from all different age groups and creeps, no matter where I go. I recently graduated from college and most of the people there were like a decade younger than me. I ended up getting sexually assaulted by a possibly sociopathic 18/19 year old when I was nearly 30. So I haven't had good luck most of my life in the love and sex department for various reasons. I'm still a virgin and I want kids. It sucks.
I'm very sorry you had to go through that. I couldn't imagine. I hope you can one day find someone who will hold you forever. I can't give you advice since I've never had a relationship, for that i am also sorry.
@TheRavensEyes
I feel the pain!
Someone told me I was "middle aged" recently and it pissed me off.
Someone told me men are interested in young women because they are "tight" as if at my age my vagina must be a cavernous hole an army could march through and feel nothing.
My parents are still bitching about my youthful indescretions, I was pretty sure I was grown up now.
I thought I'd have it all together by now but I don't.
My body is ready for kids but my boyfriend and my finances are not.
I never had a perfect body in my life but I'm coming to terms with my body as it is while everyone around me is obsessed with perfection.
I'm ok with my stretch marks but if I show them some ass hole will make an unwelcomed comment and ruin my day and I never forget those hurtful statements even though my higher self knows they are THAT persons problem and not mine.
I never got a job in the field I went to school for and I still owe the school money!
I'm constantly hard on myself for wasting time.
I regret all the time I have waisted.
I never lived up to my families expectations.
I'm on the fence about marriage. When I'm interested my bf isn't. When he is I'm not.
I look younger than I am and get treated like a child in professional situations.
I thought adults from my age would be the same level of maturity. They are not.
There are still women hating, gay bashing, racists.
Women still dont make as much money as men.
I was looked over for a higher position because I didn't sleep with my boss and ended up working for a girl much younger than me who had no experience.
I have to be a Saint at work and an Amy Shumer with my friends.
People assume because I'm in my 30's I'm sad about my age. I'm not. I had to explain to a kid ten years younger than me that I've never been this good, this is the best me there has ever been and I got there through experience. I remember being that age and thinking I'd had experiences and knew everything I needed to know. Now I know things and nobody wants to hear it.
Bills.
Grocery money.
Fighting over money with my life partner.
When a car breaks down and I lose a job and almost end up homeless because of it.
@patientJar5522 Life is gruelling. But this is the journey we have to follow to realize ourselves. Who we are? And why we are here? What is the purpose of this life?
But of course this can only be thought when we are above the basic security of food and shelter. We reap what we sow - This is the ultimate karmic theory of this universe. We are sad because this is how we have designed our life until now. When we don't see deep enough in life then we get pain and sorrow, just like happiness. But both are temporary.So we need to look more deep and see why are we getting this pain and happiness. Both are just illusion.
@agarwalrohit2000
I didn't say I was unhappy, and I know my purpose in life very well.
Thanks though.
Hey! I dont know if you re still here:)
probably not.
but i just joined and read this and I can completely relate!
i hope you have found some peace by now!
and i hope i can do tje same in 5 yrs time ..
I thought by now I'd have my poop in a group.
Alas.
I'm essentially homeless, and have been for the better part of the last 8 years. Friends have let me stay with them, or paid for a small apartment. Every now and again, I could hold down a job long enough to pay my own way for a few months befor emy health woke up and said "Hahahaha NOPE."
Between mental health and physical health, I'm functionally disabled. I'm fixing to get started on getting ready to work on applying for disability. In the meanwhile, I have $7.16 to my name. I haven't worked since September.
When does the "having it all together" part of life happen? I thought surely it would have come around by now.
Putting on Wright and not being able to shift it!plus I get tired easily I'm on 31
I hit 30 this year, and I feel like I am falling behind in the baby race. I have friends of the same age who have like 3 kids and I have none. The biggest struggle is I feel I want to have a baby but at the same time, I feel like I am not willing to make the sacrifices to have a baby. Is this weird? Am I being self-centred? I feel like having a baby/kid is going to take away everything I enjoy but at the same time, I fear that without a child, my life would be incomplete? Sometimes, I feel that I have jealousy towards my friends who have kids, but sometimes, I feel that I am actually happy I don't have to deal with kids? Also, I feel that I should have a baby by now because I don't want to be so old by the time my kid goes to school and be like a granny instead of a mom? I feel like I am the only one feeling this, tbh I was afraid to share this here, but I would like to know what is wrong with me, is this normal?
@AliceWhiteRabbit i know that feeling, like most people are getting the family life and you are being left behind. It is very stressful. Maybe you can try babysitting to see how you feel about babies and kids...
I think it's perfectly normal, starting a familly and having a baby is a big step. I don't think it makes you self-centered. I also think about how I don't want to be an older mom for my future kid sometimes, and I'm conflicted, but then I return to the present and it remind myself that now I'm not ready mentally and financially anyway. That wouldn't make me a good parent honestly and the wellbeing of my future kid is important to me. Everybody live life at their own pace. Of course biologically our time is to forever which is scary, but I don't think it should be a race or a rush. I have friends around my age or older than me who have no kids which brings perspective 😊
@AliceWhiteRabbit It is so weird to stumble upon this post that I posted 5 years ago. I am 35 now. Time for an update. I no longer feel the "want" or "need" for a baby. I am perfectly happy without a baby in my life. In fact, over the last few years, with what's happened and what I have experienced, I am happy to say that NOT having a baby in my life is the best for me.
Hi Alicewhiterabbit! I just hit 30 too and I am going through the same feelings at this point. I hope life's been good with you and you figured this out.
One thing I think I now struggle with is losing weight and keeping it off
@tjb28 It's absolutely not too late!!! I am in my late thirties and actually, only last year showed me that maybe I am on the right professional path. Life is about discovery and change so never give up! Fingers crossed!
Hi everyone! I am also in my 30s and I
@Lavendersubmarine - No it's not. MANY people make big changes to their lives around the age of 35. It's a "thing".
@Chiaroscuro1
thank you Chiaro 💜😊
I'm thinking about doing the same thing. It's never too late to turn your life around. I say go for it 😊😊
Paying the bills and getting married shortly after my father's death. My mother also died when I was 39. A lot of adjustment. .