Feeling upside down
This is an odd one for me to write. Wife and I are separating, I am still in shock and still haven't I assume accepted it.
I find myself wanting to reach out to her in passing, still living together, or the thoughts of I'm 35 and I have no friends.
I don't know how to make connections and the connection maker I had she almost doesn't want anything to do with me.
Even this post feels odd/off just because whenever I think about trying to make friends or such I start to spin or feel upside down because I feel like I'm giving up and accepting that maybe just maybe it's over.
@SgMFluffy
i am sorry you are going thru that so many of us do not know how to start over.... many men also depend on their wife or gf to make new friends and connections....
you seem a bit in shock .... was this totally unexpected no problems OR did you just assume she would not want to separate or divorce? it will take some time for you to fully figure out where you go from here what do you want your life to look like going forward..... as it is a separation is there hope .... things to do to save your marriage and most important DO you WANT that?
To me it was very sudden. I knew we had kind of drifted somewhat, but I was, from my viewpoint, trying to make things better then this happened and now I'm on week two of trying to wrap my head around it.
As for if there hope I do not know, I know I want there to be because I very much so still love her but like you said I have to think of myself.
I've been trying to better myself and focus on things I can control day by day. I've even been looking into counseling.
The thing is I just wish I had friends to check in on me. I know it sounds selfish but I just wish I didn't have to constantly reach out to people lol.
@SgMFluffy
I find so many do not want to be the one to reach out constantly and yet others IMO often do not reach out in case others are "busy" ..... the very things like computers phones and apps have created distance rather then bring us together.... i got over the fear of reaching out because so many friends all said "i thought about reaching out but ....."
so many drift apart and i wonder if it is same type deal my partner is playing games on computer and watching streaming TV while i sit here on a forum..... we might as well be strangers.... can you bridge the distance between you or at least try ... i know so many people now who know they can not go back in time but 20/20 hindsight shows them all the paths they did not take .
I feel like you and I are in such similar paths. Our SOs seem to be doing the same things and all.
I have tried, still am trying to bridge some of it between us. I know it won't be easy and I don't expect it too, so I also know I need to not keep hope when it's hopeless.
I have work friends who say they are there for me but it feels odd sending them a text saying hey I'm having a bad night how's you...
Though I do appreciate you taking time to reply it has helped my brain from full spinning tonight.
@SgMFluffy
well slowing down a spin is an improvement so have a good night .... tomorrow starts fresh and the endless possibilities
It’s hard. I lived with my now ex husband for almost a year. You have to find yourself somewhere again and you have to separate yourself from her. I was miserable because I didn’t have friends. I had nothing to leave for. So my best advice is find a support group, a sport league, somewhere where you can thrive alone.
That must be hard. I can't think of how I'd handle that. When I get there I'll let you know ;).
Yes I plan to try and re-find myself. Going to get back into things I use to do like Disc Golf or Hiking.
Hopefully your time is going better for yourself.
@SgMFluffy I’m on day 5 of my ex partner telling me he was no longer in love and was unhappy and wanted out . Two weeks ago it was my 40th and we were in Nashville . We have been having issues for a while so it’s not like I wasn’t aware . Regretfully I tried to talk to him , be supportive , watch how I spoke to him but it felt like walking on eggshells . He just closed himself up pushed me away and truthfully never tried to make it work. I know deep down inside he was already wanting to leave but was waiting to be sure
I'm sorry you're going through this too. It's always strange thinking back I can kind of see hints but when you're not the one making that first choice if separation it's hard to not feel blindsided a bit huh?
I tried talking to her but she does the same closes off and refuses to discuss so I've just been trying to be supportive and chit chat like normal and then just trying to work on myself.
Remember we can only control things for ourselves so what do you need for yourself to get through the day. That's what I've been focusing on.