Is he playing?? Feeling stupid and foolish
This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.
Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.
We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.
Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.
Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...
I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.
I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???
Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??
Most likely yes. If he was serious about committing to you, he wouldn't act that way. Cut your losses, tell him to go p!ss up a rope & then move on.
@helloGlobe608
It sounds like he is using you in the meantime and IF that is what you both want fine
but if you want more then do not sleep with him again until you have clarity about a path forward
@helloGlobe608
That sounds very hurtful, to be ignored for a couple of weeks. I understand your dilemma.
I believe good communication is key to a relationship and communication problems generally lead to other problems long term. Repeatedly not responding to you for 2 weeks or so sounds like a communication issue to me.
You could wait and see how it works out. But things generally don't change on their own. Normally we have to do something to make a change happen.
One way might be to spend some time thinking about what you want. It sounds like you maybe have some boundaries. Such as no cheating, no lying and no leaving me in the dark for weeks. Boundaries are good for us. Have you communicated these clearly as what you need for a long term relationship to work? When doing that, it would be fair to give some time for change to happen. So, your boundary might be no leaving me in the dark, but I'll forgive any mistakes in the next 6 months while you sort out why it happens.
But you can't rely on people to change, even if they promise to change, and being realistic about what you can accept would be sensible. You certainly don't deserve to be picked up and put down to suit someone else, with no care to how it impacts you.
Ultimately it is up to you. Only you can decide if the value you get from this relationship balances the costs.
@helloGlobe608 So sorry! I mean it too. That dude must be terrible
@helloGlobe608 The signs are clear that this person has no interest in being with you beyond a physical one-off.
He took advantage of your personality and interests to lower your guard.
He ignores you have he gets what he wants
And he is likely with other people when he is not speaking to you.
I can not envision this developing into anything other than emotional pain for you.
