Is it possible to reconnect, become attracted to and genuinely love your wife again?
I moved out a month ago as i thought i wanted something else in my life.. I miss my family and my wife.. But i do not love her completely as a husband should. Is it possible to reconnect. to become madly attracted to her again and want to be with her once again?
@Wildone42
Do you have an idea when the feelings started to fade? Did you quit talking except about kids/ house/ job /weather? Did your intimacy fade? Do both parties appreciate each other ?
you really have to be honest with yourself on what is a deal breaker and not just get along for the status quo....and it is easier and not as lonely .... how did she react when you left? upset / mad or relieved?
I think it is only possible.... if BOTH parties work on it ......and both lay down any baggage or peeves that have slowly eroded the feelings you once had. AND you both need to have similar picture of what your life is and growing toward. Sometimes that takes communication that breaks down further to successfully patch an area. and that area often is weaker even after a patch.
for example people grow and change a partner .... still thinks they are the same and treats them that way...my tastes and opinions have changed but in discussion he says "you think this " like i am stuck in a loop. acts surprised if i tell him i did once but not anymore...
could you date her again .... ask yourself if you were single and pretend you did not know her would you ask her out ... after a date would you feel like cannot wait to meet up again .......or would it be like " i will call" but not meaning it....
@toughTiger6481 thanks for your response.
I have to admit that i developed feelings for someone else a few months ago. it never went anywhere. We have had alot of issues in the past and i think when i met this new person i found reasons to not love my wife anymore, however i do know that i was never excited to get a text from her, or excited to go on a date with her.
now that im on my own i look at these dating sites and wonder if i saw her face, her profile if i would swipe right on it.. i want to try make things work with her again, i just dont know if i can get there where she is everything to me and that i will not want to be on sites incase something better comes along.. if that make sense..
@Wildone42
I understand completely ... i too met someone online ... just as a friend could see things could go farther it was a good thing we are long distance... but the feelings like you said of being excited by a text or just smiling cause they said something uplifting.... then you look at spouse and IMO cant think of a time when you were excited by a note / call / message .... you do not feel excitement and cannot wait for next text etc.
The question i face is at one time i must have felt that right? cannot imagine not feeling that way and getting married and staying a long long time...
I felt wanted and appreciated and not only felt like a disinterested roommate. even marriage therapist suggest have those flirty messages and be the fun interested with spouse instead..... but that cannot work if it is only one way.... maybe when we become disengaged because we crave that feeling of being appreciated and told you are attractive/ funny enjoy the laughs ......
so you want to repair .......
do the things on a date you would with ..the other person...flirt / appreciate at least one physical feature. you know by now how to touch her ...maybe a hand brush against small of her back as you pass by ... holding her hand while in line or at dinner after you ordered and are waiting .. not just scrolling on phone ....neck or shoulder rub after a long day.... it really is the simple things.
talk about anything other then everyday issues .........like kids/ whats for dinner/ the dryer is taking longer to dry things../the car made a weird sound....
your wife deserves better than your lack of commitment if you dont trust yourself to go back on dating sites.
cheating is never okay.
Its been two years and I still suffer from ptsd of betrayal trauma. I feel sorry for your wife and I hope she heals and moves on.
Marriage is not something you can just flip flop, her feelings aren't something to play with.
@Wildone42
Reconnecting and reigniting that passion is definitely possible, but it's going to take some soul-searching and honest conversations. You will need to take some time to reflect on what's been going on in your relationship and what's led to this point. Think back to what initially drew you to your wife and what made your connection so special. Are there specific issues or challenges that have come up recently that might be contributing to your feelings of disconnect? Share with her what you've been going through and ask her how she's feeling as well. Communication is key to rebuilding that trust and understanding between you. Think about what you can both do to work on your relationship together. Are there activities or experiences you used to enjoy as a couple that you could revisit? Are there small gestures or acts of kindness you can incorporate into your daily lives to show each other that you care?
@Wildone42
Wow, you assume she will just take you back with open arms. It might be too late for that. You moved out because you "wanted something else". I think you better start living that decision because if you go back you might find the loyalty is gone from her side
I totally agree with you. As someone who's been cheated on and is struggling with betrayal trauma, then person who did the betrayal will never be worth that kind of love again
It's been a few days and I have tried figuring out what is going on in my head.. I have spent some time with my wife and I miss her and the kids alot.. but I do not feel that it's enough to go back. She is begging g me to lease give it another try.. I'm scared I'm just doing it our of loneliness and then in a year or so I end up leaving g because I do t have the love I should have for her.. she deserved to be loved completely for who she is and not the way I feel.. yes the sex is amazing g and we connect well physically, but we havent kissed properly in like 5 years even duri g sex and we would have sex daily.. Emotionally we don't really connect. We don't talk. Mainly my fault I guess I'm pretty quiet..
I think I know what I Ned to do. I just feel for her because she is hurting and I still care
@Wildone42
You are smart to take it slow and not go back for wrong reasons ... many a mismatched couple stay out of loneliness or familiarity as opposed to true feelings... have you discussed with her how you feel? that even if you connected great physically without the emotional connection it gets harder as time passes.
It is incredibly hard to form an emotional connection when it was missing. how do we get to know someone we have lived with for ages ... shared history .... when i talk with partner it is like they nod like they already know this stuff when they do NOT or we would not have a problem. it takes being open and forgiving and recognizing where we go from here.
Yes it is if both parties work on it.
So we went out the weekend to chat about things.. ended up getting very drunk and spending the night together. It was great making out and messing around, but then my mind immediately wondered to the girl i met and how i wished it was her i was with.. I feel really guilty about it, i compare everything to my ex. im trying really hard to get her out my head and try give my marriage a fair go, but how do i do that?
@Wildone42 theres a lot to unpack here, like .. what makes being with the new woman better than your ex ? relationships are hard and take a lot of work. this new one will become that way as well, eventually. you have an expectation of what a relationship should be, and you're not finding it with your ex, but you also have to be compatible and compromise a lot of things .. plus she wants you to stay even tho you moved out .. and you have kids .. thats a lot to be going thru. feel free to msg me anytime
Love is just as much a decision as a feeling. Feelings come and go, but mutual respect and trust is what is most important in my opinion…
Counseling is always a good option and may help you decide.
Sure, it's possible. Anything is possible. But--this is what many don't consider & some do not want to face--"possible" is not the same as probable. Anything can happen, but not every possible event has an equal proportion of likelihood.
I hope your decision about your spouse & family works out for the best.