No Direction and I'm exhausted.
I'll just get straight to point I'm 36, single and I'm at a point where I'm just drifting. I can't find anything that I want enough to do anything about it. I've been through a range of life killing times but I'm still here. Lost both my parents to illnesses and lack of parents taking responsibility for their own. I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally from everything. I'm tired of people, drama, confrontation and being positive when the world is freaking me out into anxiety. I have health conditions that are always playing on my mind. Relationships these days just doesn't make sense. I've become numb and it's like Im giving up. I eat once a day my sleep is that I'm awake in the night and I sleep through the morning. I don't like talking as I feel like I'm fake in being interested. I use to be a people pleaser but now I'm not trying to push myself. I spend everyday alone I don't want go out or meet people.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how traumatic it was to lose both of your parents. I imagine some of the restlessness has to do with they sort of helped you along your path or gave you advice and now you feel lost without it? I could be assuming, so I apologize if I am.
I would guess that a lot of being tired of people, drama, etc is because something big happened to you (loss of your parents) and everything else that is happening to people feels trivial in comparison? Maybe relationships don’t make sense because you feel like anyone close to you is going to suffer the same fate as your parents? Or maybe you don’t want anyone to get close due to your health issues and feeling like a burden? (I am just now learning this is called medical trauma, because I have it too)
It sounds like you are in the freeze stage of fight/flight, fawn/freeze. My best idea would be to try to find when you started feeling the aimlessness. It sounds like it’s pointing to a bigger issue that maybe doesn’t even have to do with your parents.
I was 100% like you when I was with my ex who had crippling PTSD. I realized that I shut off my emotions because if I showed any emotion, or raised my voice or spoke about my concerns, it would trigger his issues of abandonment and trust and he’d fly into a PTSD rage. I didn’t know how to flip the switch back on when I was around family/friends, so I just stopped being around them altogether. I think it’s also called dissociation.
You’re not the only one out there who has felt like this, so don’t feel like you’re alone or there is no hope!
I've been prescribed Mirtazapine 15mg took my first dose last night for my sleep difficult. This morning I felt drained and my mouth/tongue feel numb and taste is weird. Plus dry mouth. I won't be taking any tonight. I normally take venlafaxine 150mg but today I was only allowed 75mg but I'm feeling withdrawal like symptoms 😔. It's bank holiday weekend not sure if I'll get any help from my GPs don't think I need to go to A&E I think I'll take venlafaxine 75mg before bed hoping the withdrawal symptoms will disappear tomorrow. I'll keep you guys posted.
@sociableBirch35
Hi! I get what you’re feeling. The last few years I have felt the same. Honestly, I’m still in it but really don’t want to be.
For me- it hit a breaking point. Turns out the reason I was isolating and not really living or wanting to was from trauma I didn’t even realize I had. How do you deal with trauma when you can’t even remember it?
Anyway, just want to say it’s okay to feel the way you do. Life can be hard and people can be awful. But you came on here because I suspect you also want to change or live. I do too. It’s just much harder than not- especially when you feel so alone yet others seem to be living successfully.
If you do want to do anything- start with a chat. To me, to someone else, to an old friend.
Hopefully we will both find life again soon.