What should I do? (Husband issues)
This is one example… of more overarching marital issues. So… my husband is a decent guy. He has a good job, makes good money, he also manages a few rental home investments in the side. So, I know he is busy and I know he works hard. BUT, his work in the rentals mean be does NOTHING at home. He barely engages with our kids (in fact my older kid avoids hanging out with him because it is so awkward and boring), does help clean up around the house, and the thing that is driving me off a cliff… the are areas of the house he won’t clean but won’t let me clean either! Namely our garage is full of his construction related stuff, the junk is mixed with the tools, he can’t find anything in his many piles but he refuses to organize and refuses to let me do it for him or with him in case I throw away something he wants! Now the garage is our standard way to enter and leave the house, and it has gotten so bad, there is basically just a goat path in the middle of the debris for us to walk through. Every time I ask him to clean he ends up losing his temper at me because he is so tired after fixing other people’s houses. Then again, he spends the middle of his day taking multiple naps while I slave away cleaning and taking care of our two kids.
oh.. and we don’t need the money from the rentals. I didn’t mention above but I also work full time and I am the primary breadwinner in the family. I am just so irritated at the state of things…. And communication does NOT help. He does not listen. I’m just sick of being mad all the time!
Ugh, sounds frustrating.. I'm sorry. I've never known a man who didn't take care of his garage, so I'm not sure how you could light a fire under his butt to get him to do it. I'd let him know that I don't wanna live like a slob and that a messy garage can attract rodents and bugs.
Do you cook or clean the house? Ask your husband how he'd like it if you didn't do those things and stuff just piled up? Then tell him that's how you feel about the garage and you want to be happy in your lovely home.
This type of thing is an issue i also have with spouse ....... he has always put work items first .........while i need some small repairs etc here.
when asked to do this or that he is always tired from work or he has even helped others with projects but ours sit and wait.... i become furious while i appreciate his work and contributions to overall income etc sometimes i need a hand with house and am tired of being accused of nagging when just asking for a simple fix or chore.
although your rentals are extra income and a sideline he may feel it is his job .... many men IMO feel effort to put into job/ career is admirable and help around the house is something you get no praise for.
@scarletDime8800 It sounds like you and your husband have different ideas about what his role should be (he values work outside the home and making money, while you would prefer him to spend more time with the kids and help around the house) and this is causing both of you to feel tired, irritated, and unappreciated. I'm hearing that it's difficult to communicate your feelings and needs to him without having the conversation turn into an argument, particularly since you seem to be feeling overworked working a full time job and also managing things around the house. These resources may be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/ https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/ Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk more about this. I hope you find respect, appreciation, and rest in your life.