Why am I crying over a jerk?
I recently started dating someone that I met online. He seemed great at first. I didn't know him long but he seemed like my perfect match.
Things went wrong when I asked him what he would like to do for his birthday. He told me that he couldn't see me that weekend because he would be busy doing laundry and chores. I was totally dumbfounded and told him that I would find someone else to spend the weekend with.
We didn't speak over the weekend. On Monday, I tried to call. He didn't answer. On Tuesday I called and left a message asking why he didn't want to see me anymore. When he called back, I didn't answer.
The next day he called again. I thought I would get an answer or an apology. Instead I got a lecture about ignoring his call. A few days later I got a text asking me if I wanted to "discuss my actions in order to have a relationship with him."
I know ignoring his call was rude, but was this really my fault? I don't believe he was really doing laundry all day. My friends say he is just an idiot. But all of my relationships end with some weird misunderstanding. I can't help wondering if I am the problem.
@lyragirl22
How are you rude for not taking a call but he did not take yours?
sounds like he had other plans for the weekend and chose to not include you and gave a lame excuse, the lecture and BS about discussing your actions seems to be a test of how much BS will you fall for to keep a relationship......... people of both sexes play these games seeing how far can they push the BS when they want to use you. If you feel past relationships ended oddly perhaps you should do some Honest reflection of why........ look at it not from your point or his point but like your are a mediator and see both sides ..... it is seldom done as sometimes we find mistakes on our part too.
That phone call really threw me. I know I shouldn't have ignored him at first, but I have a hard time communicating when I am upset. I really wanted to work things out and he just attacked me as soon as I answered.
@lyragirl22 Feeling hurt that he didn't want to spend his bday with you and seemed to make an excuse is valid, but it sounds like your communication was a bit reactive. You could have said something like "I really like you and it would mean a lot to celebrate your birthday with you" or something. Some people don't like having big birthday celebrations. Also, idk how long you were dating, but it's possible he was looking for something more casual than you were and celebrating his birthday felt too serious, which sucks, but it would be better to clarify that with more open communication.
@lyragirl22 first of all, you dated him. None of us know him in real. I don't know why some labelled him as you feel. Do we know him in real except you? I don't feel it's justified to judge someone based on hearing one way. I do believe so 7 cups is a platform where we won't judge someone. You have a reason to be mad at him. And eventually your sadness will turn into positivity with time obviously. Either you would be with him or not that's none of our business. I and other can pray for you and I have faith on your decisions. Communication is the key.
I know it’s hard to think about, but I think what the number one question is, is this person making you happy? Even if you have feelings for someone that doesn’t mean that you’re compatible and I think people tend to forget the difference between being compatible and possibly being in love, for example. look, I was in a very toxic relationship and we did stuff like this all the time and if it’s only the beginning, I would advise you to try to make things work now because we just fought on and did this for three years and it gets worse if you don’t address it. I also like what other people are saying in the comments. This person didn’t want to spend their birthday with you even though you wanted to make an effort to make his day special. Chores? Is this really something that he could not have moved another day or done earlier? sometimes people’s true colors come out by their priorities. If you were upset because he acted this way that’s totally valid. Possibly it’s also valid if he doesn’t really care about his birthday wants to do chores and that’s valid too, but maybe then you’re not compatible, you know? But also, like you said, maybe he wasn’t doing laundry and he was lying… then that’s a whole other problem. I know it’s hard to think about especially when you’re clouded by feelings and emotions. It’s very hard to think about difficult decisions like this when there’s a lot on the line possibly. All I have to say is don’t keep extending the last straw. I excused a lot of behaviors and actions over the years with my ex-boyfriend and it ended up ending terribly anyway. I’m sure he also did the same. If there are more moments like this, where he is making you unhappy or feeling undervalued, please don’t ignore them. I think we tend to want to see what we desire, so just take note so that you can make a decision if you need to in the future. with all this said, though, things can also be worked out! If you two really care about each other and love each other, then you guys can work on it to create a better relationship. But that always takes two people, so keep that in mind too.
@lyragirl22
aww
