50, unemployed and recently divorced
Two weeks ago my husband simply announced our marriage was over. Just like that, out of the blue.
I bought an apartment for myself and the dog, but won't be able to move out for some more weeks. My (ex?) husband is actively looking for dates, with me still in the house. Last two years were really rough for him and I was by his side. When things were getting better, he discarded me.
It's like he's a total stranger now. He looks ans sounds like my husband, but I can't recognize him anymore. Something died.
Everyone tells me I have to be strong, but how?
@Marina1897
Getting this information from him out of the blue without even having talked to you about it is very hard and I could imagine it felt like a shock to you ❤️. People often say you got to be strong and they are right, you need all your strength right now but I find something that is very important at the moment is to acknowledge what happened, to acknowledge your pain and be compassionate with yourself. You cannot change his behavior but you can do your best to make sure it does not hurt you more than it already did. Focusing on your new home, how to decorate the inside and doing a lot of self pampering can help. Do you have any friends you feel comfortable to talk too? Don't forget you can always connect to a listener for a 1:1 chat here as well ❤️. This is a link to our relationship & friendship support https://www.7cups.com/home/relationships/ Btw, what kind of dog do you have?
My dog is the cutest Frenchie. His name is Batata (= potato in Portuguese). When my husband said I could take my time but I should look for a place to move, I asked "you know I'm taking the dog, don't you?" and he didn't seem to care.
That was extremely hurtful. The dog loves his dad so much and they were so close. He's unaware he's going to lose the only home he's ever lived in, his neighbors, his dog friends, etc.
You got it right: it's all very hard to process.
@Marina1897
Sending you warm hugs Marina. I hope you both can find comfort with each other in these tough times.
Thank you ❤️
@Marina1897
I feel from my talking with others this is more common then I realized before...
i feel my spouse is someone totally different as well ..... looks the same but nothing else matches up. have you ever seen one of the many different person taking over your body movies...
was it totally out of the blue? .... or did you on some level know things had changed and maybe you both were just going through the motions... It would be hard to rebuild from scratch when someone has pictured a different outcome... the safety of the known vs the possibility of the unknown.
i hate when people tell me things like be strong....... i need to process my loss and adjustments on my own terms ...... i hope things will work out for the best for you.
It is a struggle and a shock so it is ok to express all sorts of emotions.
