Cheri’s Connection Corner - Don’t Attend Every Argument
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
1st part
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@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
2nd Part Taglist
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@SunShineAlwaysGrateful. Sometimes I take a time out before I speak. I can go in another room for a while and take some deep breaths before speaking.
Awesome great ways to turn how the heat of an an argument absolutely 💯!! 💕💕💕💕💯💯💯💯💯🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
great topic!! firstly, taking a pause and stepping away makes all the difference for me. if you're not able to do that, the argument will never deescalate. secondly, i try to keep in mind "i feel" statements and use them over accusations. thoughtful language and tone is everything. and last resort is to agree to disagree, to respect one another and establish common ground.
Yes 🙌 the pause to give you time to organize instead of the whirlwind of arguments!
Tone IS everything agree and using how you personally feel is a better way to navigate a difference of opinion.
Agree to disagree is essential with some topics that are repeated hot buttons.
Thank you for sharing! 💕💕💕💕
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
"Have you ever not chosen to not participate in an Argument? What are other options instead of arguing in the heat of the moment ? What are fair ways to discuss a topic?"
Fair points for sure! If two people can have a healthy debate or discussion and compromise is one thing but often that is tough to do on some topics.
Avoidance of an argument is vital to peace sometimes. 😎😎
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful @CyclingThroughLife
WOW!
I was in the process of developing my thoughts on responding to this. Then the
urge came to read what others had wrote first before posting and I came across @CyclingThroughLife post and
was almost reading what I had.
It was humbling to have come across someone who is like me.
I would also add [Append] to what is already written (Which is very well). And I write this for me as much because I am my own worst enemy.
“We need to "be the bigger person", swallow our pride, and just walk away....or just don't get involved altogether.....”
While the Webster version is an absolute definition. The next portion (which is in relation to the quote above), people will argue about something for it is in relation to (or affected by) the Maslow Pyramid.
We humans are passionate people. We care about {Fill Blank}. And being “rational individuals” should stop and listen to what is being said. “We need to "be the bigger person",” As the Bigger Person, if we did stop and listen (saying this to myself) we will learn what the other person is passionate about.
If we don’t care about {Fill Blank} we are not going to exert the energy to do anything.
I say it is OK to argue about something. Because we are sharing what we care about. But as @CyclingThroughLife said wonderfully:
“We need to "be the bigger person",”
“swallow our pride”
“hear the truth or facts”
“letting the other person "win", so to speak.”
And append it with Listen
Now I have come across people who like to argue for the pleasure of arguing. I honestly have no clue how to handle them without just nodding my head and saying ‘uhuh’ and going no further on the topic.
So glad you read through and yes the comments are fantastic. There are often common threads or themes to forum posts and some variety as well.
The reasons people argue or insist on a discussion does come the needs that are not being fulfilled often …. Even if this view is not reciprocated in the person being invited to the argument.
Insecurity is just one of many things that may bring about the invite to discuss other times it is simply functional such as household issues etc …
The quote is very broad and you are correct to listen … and feeling heard is an awesome thing. Sometimes just that suffices the invite.
Good communication may indeed prevent any argument or it simply it isn’t your personal style to communicate. I personally hate arguing however when I need to express a concern it is seen as an argument … because our views are different.
Thank you for sharing . 😎😎😎
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful @CyclingThroughLife
And thank you for your input,
It is appreciated to being heard and being acknowledged
Welcome 😎😎
@Barltik2065
One secondary thought on being heard …. If someone has an issue of needs not being met and extends the invite to communicate and even if unaware or opposed to the view offered up it only becomes an argument when how you communicate … it need not be an argument. You can simply communicate you appreciate being told the issue so how do we work through this issue …. How can I help ??
@Barltik2065 A good reply.
Something for our perspective: if you decide to walk away from an argument after the other person has said something, (s)he may indeed think you "let them win". But it doesn't mean they've won anything. (What have they won? They don't probably even own the platform you were arguing with them on!) It simply means you've decided to not waste any more of your time on such a fruitless exchange.
@slowdecline48
Exactly!
And that I perceive is where @CyclingThroughLife was discussing on being a better person and swallowing pride
A hilarious meme. I like it. In my marriage, when argument is announced, it's hard to run away from one. It has to run its course.
Yes sometimes it is inescapable if the other other insists and you live together. Can you defer the discussion to allow calmer heads prevail or schedule it another time would that work when needed ??
So sorry that just be incredibly tough.
Sometimes our communication styles are very different .. and it can cause frustration and conflict. Any chance you both compromise meet in the middle ?
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful I agree to avoid conflict protects me more than getting in an argument.
- Have you ever not chosen to not participate in an Argument? Yes very often with partner. I used to get angry and feel miserable. Now by avoiding the *** I feel more at peace.
- What are other options instead of arguing in the heat of the moment ? I can sleep on it or take a time out and see what other perspectives I have.
-
What are fair ways to discuss a topic? Ask open ended questions that begin with How or What and then listen, really listen to what the other person says.
Avoidance does bring peace . Taking time away so everyone is calmer is great choice as well. It takes the heat out of the contentious issue to have a discussion not an argument. Listening is key and being heard agree 💯 percent. 💕💕💕🙌🙌🙌
Yes, I've chosen to not get involved and argue, even when hearing things that angered me. There is a community center where I attend peer-to-peer support group meetings. Many of the women there are man-haters. They've decided that all men are the same and we're all garbage. There's no point in arguing with them because their minds are made up - plus I'm outnumbered. They say things like "All men want one thing from women" which is not true, and "Men have it much easier than women" which isn't true, either. I just stay quiet. Most of anything I say gets ignored by them. The few other men who are there will listen to me, but not the women.
@WharfRat
Yes sometimes views are polarized and to generalize isn’t fair to assume any group are ALL the same. So sorry that they are so negative it must be tough to cope but thankful you have like minded friends there though. Thank you for sharing and glad you are going to a peer to peer group. 😎😎😎
@WharfRat Is it possible for you to attend another peer-to-peer group that isn't full of femini--er, misandristic women? Surely there are other groups in that place where you won't get castigated & verbally assaulted whenever you attend for the unthinkable crime of being male...just a thought.
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful This is the most useful piece of advice for anyone, disabled or not, who spends time on the Internet. Period.
Others have already made some great points here; no need for me to rehash them all. The one I will rephrase is that since most people are bad at reasoning in general for more than one reason, yes: explaining your position logically & backing it up with facts is not likely to convince most people you get in an argument with.
I would say that if you do choose to debate, the best you should hope for is to get the other person to question his/her own assumptions. Even that is an exceedingly rare occurrence, in my experience. (I'd also add: become familiar with the most common logical fallacies, so whenever the person you're arguing with makes them--& (s)he/they will. You can bet on that--you can identify them & point them out. If you care enough, do this gently &/or tactfully so the other person can recognize his/her errors &, hopefully, improve his/her own thought processes. There are several places on the Web where you can learn these things....two of them are yourlogicalfallacyis.com & lesswrong.com
The other thing to remember is that for a certain percentage of people, conflict is a way of life. Not only will they not listen to what you have to say but will resort to ad hominem as a matter of course. Such an obnoxious person is either a troll, a fanatic of some kind, or both at once. From what I've seen, such people often suffer from some kind of mental illness...it's unsettling how often one encounters at least borderline sociopathy in these folks. It doesn't pay to engage with such a waste of good protoplasm; you can't reason with him any more than you can teach a rabid dog or feral cat to play checkers.
I am glad you find the advice useful. Some people like a debate healthy one or not…and live for that and even enjoy it.
Yes make your points tactfully with respect Etc 💯 absolutely agree and it should be a discussion bot an argument.
it seems post pandemic there is an increase in how we treat each other and we need to swing the pendulum back!
Thank you for sharing. 😎😎
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful Healthy discussion could be good, but arguments, never ever, ever never!
Agree I don’t enjoy arguments for my mental health too much negativity. 😎😎😎
