Work stress and burnout
I've been fighting burn out at work, on and off, for a couple of years now. I work in a very stressful, very negative environment and the job itself is very un-fullfilling. I knew this many years ago when I went into this field. I don't know why I chose this field, but here I am. I work in a correctional facility around some very manipulative and narcissistic individuals. The staff, myself included, as you can imagine, are 95 percent alpha male. When you get that many of us together in one area, well, I'm sure you all get where I'm going with this.....anyway......I've been in corrections since 1997 and am 3 and half years shy of my 55th birthday, when I can retire and collect. I have all the signs of burnout, and have been doing everything I can, on my own, to take care of it and myself. Fortunately, I can say that this hasn't really effected my home/family life. Because I love working out, going to the gym, as well as biking, I haven't fallen victim to excessive alcohol use or other self destructive coping behaviors, like I see so many in my career field are falling victim to.
About 3 years ago, I started having these bouts of burnout. They would last anywhere from a few days to a week, then they would go away for months at a time, come back and cycle like that. I can't really place a trigger on what causes these bouts of burnout. About 9 months ago, I had a one that lasted almost a month. I couldn't shake it and I hated it. I hated going to bed at night because I knew I had to go to that negative place the next morning when I woke up. My days off were filled with nothing but thinking about the fact that I had to go back to work. It was bad, I knew it was bad, and needed to do something. Working out wasn't helping, and I lost all desire to do anything except sit on the couch and watch tv. It was when I came "this close" to just walking away that I decided it was time to seek a professional for coping mechanisms, because leaving this career, this far in, with the finish line so close, just isn't an option. The therapy didn't go quite as I expected. I did 3 video sessions and stopped. I got the feeling that this guy couldn't really help me because he didn't understand what we do, and I was turned off by the whole experience. It kinda got me thinking that unless someone has actual experience in this field, knows what we do and go through day in and day out, I'm not going to get the advice on the coping mechanisms that I need. I have since taken to the internet, google is a great thing, done a lot of reading, and taken bits and pieces from some forums here, (thank you all for sharing) and found some things that are working for me and making my work life balance a little more easier for the time being.
I know this is a long post. If you made it this far, thanks for coming along for the ride. I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post other than just writing it out and sharing. I guess I just want to say thank you to this site for giving me a place to look for answers and just type out thoughts and feelings.
Have a great weekend peeps....
@CyclingThroughLife
Your post is a good reminder that if you look and read maybe someone is not going through exact thing but their experience or suggestions can be used for your own crisis.
I find far to many disregard suggestions or examples because they dont want to try them easier to dismiss them ....... glad you found some items helpful so you can reach the finish line in you career.
I'm glad that you found a space to share your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you've been dealing with burnout for quite some time. It's unfortunate that the therapy experience didn't meet your expectations. Sharing your experiences with others who are in similar fields can also provide valuable insights and support. Remember to continue prioritizing self-care and engaging in activities that bring you joy and balance.
@CyclingThroughLife
Dear Cycling, I totally get it! Of course I had a different kind of stressful job than you but burn out hit me hard at about 55 (3 years ago). I had been in this job for 25 years. It was like I hit a wall. I was also dealing with some serious outside trauma stuff. Swirl all this together and it was rough. I was lucky and found a really good therapist who has been helping me navigate a whole host of issues along side the burnout problem. I think-- dont give up on finding the right therapist for you. Sometimes it takes a couple tries. You deserve the self care and help to get you through this problem. Some things we just cannot face alone. Your not alone in your struggles my friend. I am so glad you found 7cups so you can share what your going through with the super supportive people here. I can say that 7cups has been an incredible source of support for me. I have alot of not so great past experiences and I needed more than therapy once a week. I love being able to seek out support here when I am really hurting. For me I felt like my life was getting shorter and I was wasting time in a job I didn't love anymore and I was feeling super anxious to get out and live! So I did. I managed to get out and I just waited to collect my pension for 3 years while doing something else . Everyones situation is different but with determination and a little planning -maybe a little advice you can find a path to change your current situation. It can be done! Research , ask questions, go to your human resources person and ask questions if needed. Go to your bank and ask a financial advisor for help in navigating finances. Theres people out there with information and are willing to help you. You deserve to be happy.... you can do this !
Best to you,
ABB💟
@CyclingThroughLife
So, what's working for you? I'm similar age and trying to last till early retirement a couple of years from now. Thanks for sharing!
@LostTurtle2
I just posted an update to my original thread here. It has my latest attempt to make this work. In the mean time, I spend a lot of time here on 7cups reading threads, learning things and taking in ways to help take care of my mental and emotional health in this situation. There are a lot of good threads similar to this situation, with a lot of good information and things to think about and/or "try". I hope you find what you need and make it to the finish line. Feel free to use this thread to bounce around ideas. I'll support and help if I can.
@CyclingThroughLife
So sorry your burnout is a real thing. It happens and you are not alone in that. I had burnout from work long before I retired. I did a ton of self care to get through it. What works for that is very individual and of course depending on the workplace. My manager and myself did not get along well so I decided to be overly kind to her and it worked. Odd solution but if I was kind she did not know how to deal with it and my issues disappeared. She could not be negative to someone being kind.
Work can bring so much stress. I cannot even imagine the work you do and the stresses that it brings. It would be interesting to know what triggers it either an event or just time even. Ever think of reflecting back to see any commonalities?
I am so happy at home you are doing well. 7cups is a great place and community. Thank you for posting because others may be experiencing burnout as well. What you are doing may indeed help others as well.
Counsellors I find you need to find one that suits you. It takes time to find one that is a good fit. Feel free to share your thoughts in the forums. It is what the forums are for.
Have a great week.
Haven't posted to this thread in a bit so I figured it is time for an update......I contacted the retirement board and can actually retire now if I had to. The state offers a "buy back" program for prior military that allows you to pay in or "buy back" so to speak, your military time toward your retirement, up to 4 years. This buy back counts toward "creditable years of service" with the state. I purchased my 4 years a while ago, on a payment plan, early on in my career. So, with my 4 years buy back, I actually have 20 years, 7 months and 19 days of creditable service toward retirement. The difference between retiring now vs retiring at 55 years of age is the amount of money I will bring home. Its a significant difference. Waiting it out is definitely worth the money, but its nice to know that if I truly can't find and apply some coping mechanisms and overcome the burnout, I have options. This helps my mental and emotional frame of mind quite a bit. Since I actually now have over 20 years of creditable service, the longer I stay means any take home amount will only go up from here.
With that said, I have been searching deep within myself and doing a lot of soul searching. I came to the realization last Friday that a lot of my burnout and stress comes from anxiety and worry I have about all the things at work that could go wrong. I catastrophize everything about that place. I realized that I am not living in the moment. I am not even living in tomorrow. I am living 3, 4 or 5 days, weeks or even months away in my head....if that makes sense. My anxiety and fear of "what may happen" has overtaken me to the point where I am obsessed with it. I have myself convinced that something is going to go wrong and cause me major anguish at some point in the future, and I obsess over it. I can't explain why I think like this or why I obsess over it but it is stealing my peace and joy for today. So I have decided to try to live day by day at work....I started this yesterday, when I returned for my work week after my 2 days off. I'm actually doing it hour by hour, breaking my day into blocks and forcing myself not to think about the next block and concentrate only on where I'm at right now. So far, its hard, forcing myself not to think of all the things that could go wrong..... but forcing myself seems the only way I know to make this work. I know it will take time....but I'm determined not to let my fear and worry of the future ruin my "today". I've lived that way for too long and I'm done. Its time for a change.....
If you made it this far, thanks for coming along for the ride in this thing called my life. I appreciate all the support and comments and good vibes 7cups puts out there.
@CyclingThroughLife
Must be a relief to know it is possible to retire......
i think some people are what i call big picture people and see thing/ issues that may occur down the road although i too have a bit of that i need to remind myself most around me do not see much past lunch and to try not to stress always seeing down the road..... it take work and sometimes distraction.
i find the idea of you will be retiring in X amount of time let them deal with where the chips fall helps.
@CyclingThroughLife
I'm so glad you found help in your quest for retirement. This is great news. It all starts with a little research and a plan. For me what helped me a lot was my ability to use accrued paid time off to take strategic days off. I tried to shorten my work week by leaving a half day early or take a full day off.( I used to take Monday or Fridays if possible to extend the weekends ). This greatly helped me get to the finish line.
Putting your needs first above everything changes your direction and usually for the better ☺️.
Congrats! On finding a way .
ABB 💜
@CyclingThroughLife
So glad to read this update! Yes the pensionable years and also working hour by hour or day by day …. So many good things to celebrate. Keep doing the good work. 😎😎😎
Hi, I’m 24yo and I’m a new preschool teacher. I also have several mental health conditions which makes it very difficult for me to keep a job. But this job, harder than any I’ve had, comes with benefits and childcare and I can’t afford to quit. I really like your advice about taking it day by day, and even hour by hour! I am so going to apply that at work.
I think I catastrophize a lot too. So many other preschool and daycare workers seem calm and chill, despite kids throwing stuff and scratching people, or screaming because they didn’t get their favorite color of playdough. A parent is mad for XYZ reason, or I just feel like they see right through me and know I’m not qualified to teach their kids and handle 10 kids at a time. Coworkers don’t help when I need their help, and coworkers steal my confidence by telling me I’m doing something wrong or worse I’m trying too hard and “don’t worry, you’ll stop caring after awhile.” And I get sick a lot and feel guilty for calling out and leaving them short staffed with the possibility of having to turn away kids, or I feel guilty for getting all the kids sick by coming in.
But if I can’t handle the stress my only option is work for something like $7hr after childcare working at Starbucks or something, or send my kid somewhere I really don’t want him at. It would be easier to be stay at home mom but my husband is getting out of the army and we don’t know if he will get a very good job right away, so my job is the backup income plan. And we have debts to pay from closing on a house and borrowing for that, and an emergency fund to build. I really have to make this work and figure out how to handle the stress.
I started seeing a therapist a couple years ago, and I have tried several now. Because of complicated diagnoses not every therapist is willing to work with me. I’m diagnosed bipolar and Borderline personality disorder. I almost gave up on therapy, but I’m glad I didn’t, because I have made progress which is the only reason I’m barely able to keep this job now. And after several tries found a therapist who understands me and helps. So please don’t give up on therapy. If you’ve got the money for a co-pay it’s totally worth it.
Thanks again for your tips on taking it day to day, and for sharing your life. It’s very interesting to hear about someone’s life that is completely different than mine yet I see some similarities and feel like I can relate, or at least enough that you’ve helped me feel less alone and encouraged. Thanks for reading if you got this far!
@babyfromdirtydancing
Thank you for sharing your story. Dealing with children can be very hard. In all honesty, I would rather deal with some of the adults in my charge than some children. I'm glad you found something in the day by day and hour by hour approach. To give credit where credit is due, I didn't come up with that, it was suggested by another 7cups member that was answering a post. This website is great. Search the forums. You may not find someone with your specific situation, but you will definitely find someone with great advice or ideas from situations that are close that you can tailor to your situation.
Catastrophizing life is something I still cannot get a handle on. Again, I get ideas and suggestions from the forums here. And co-workers can be the worst, mean, and nasty individuals depending on their agenda. My co-workers are the same way. I can relate.
I can also relate to the stress of getting out of the Army. I did 8 years. (82nd Airborne and 2ID) My first son was born 1 week prior to me leaving for Korea. I missed his whole first year of life with the exception of 10 days of leave I had. I know exactly where you and your husband are at with his getting out. One thing I can tell you, things will work out. This is an exciting and scary time for you both. He will need your support just as much as you need his, please remember that. Make sure he uses his military/veteran status to his advantage. There are a lot of places that will take veterans before civilians when it comes to jobs. Its the same with school, if he wants to go back. So many veteran benefits and programs, you just have to look for them. For me, I think a lot of my problems are the fact that the world and my life isn't as regimented as it was when I was in. I joined right out of high school in 1990 and it basically shaped and molded my adult hood. I would have stayed in to retire, but my wife at the time didn't want to keep moving around. Had I known then that I would be divorced 4 years later, things would have been different....hind sight 20/20....anyway, I do better when my life is scheduled and regimented. Black and White....thats what I like...anything else I get anxious and start to catastrophize my life. Granted I've had 25 years to break out of that cycle and lifestyle but I never did, nor do I want to. To make this work, you can't take on the stress all by yourself. You and your husband are a team....lean on each other. This life change will work out for your family.
Thank you for the advice on not giving up on therapy. I've been thinking of trying it again, but there are a couple factors keeping me from it. I don't want to go into it here but I still keep thinking about it. For you, maybe you can try to find a listener on this site that could be helpful to you. This site has great people willing to help.
I'm glad you found my post. It makes me feel good that sharing my life is helping someone else and making them feel less alone. And yes, I did make it to the end of your reply.....hang in there and keep us informed on your progress and your husbands ETS(do they still even call it ETS?) It's an exciting time and a fresh start in most cases.
Sorry this is so long...I hope it was helpful....
@CyclingThroughLife it can be challenging to know what you need if you don't take time to understand that need. If you fill weekends with avoidance and when you're at work you're overwhelmed then it will be hard to, 'just relax'. It will also be hard to let anyone help you because you're disconnected from yourself.
Sometimes it's less about the words and more about regulating the nervous system - the mode you're in now is hypervigilant. Your brain has creating pathways to have consistent patterns of going to work and tolerating what you tolerate.
If and when you are to change these pathways you'll have to push past the zone out phase you're in and engage in a healthy activity that gives you a quick dopamine rush. Not drinking. You'll need lots of encouragement and validation to redirect neural pathways into areas of your brain that build the life you want, not the life you tolerate.
Really, no one can help you. You have to have the will and determination of Zeus.
And maybe you're not meant to let someone do a role that you yourself can do better. Maybe you're the person that the person in your job would come to for debriefing. And eventually learn how to manage. It's weird how much jobs such as yours expect of you without any real support or ways of teaching you how to cope.
@livedexperiences
"You'll need lots of encouragement and validation to redirect neural pathways into areas of your brain that build the life you want, not the life you tolerate."
This is an interesting concept, building the life I want, not the life I tolerate. Your response has made me realize that I have been tolerating....for years.....I have never seen it as tolerating before, so thank you, I can now put a word to my feelings when it comes to my employment. Prior to reading the above, I could never really express how I felt about work unless I wrote long posts, trying to explain this or that about my work.....tolerate simplifies the situation for me....it also gives reason for my burnout.....I've been tolerating for much too long...So simple yet so powerful....Thanks for your response....it has helped me see things differently and gave me some more ideas and places to look for help so I can make it to my finish line.
❤️@CyclingThroughLife
I understand I’m getting tired of this work too . I started going to school 6 months ago to be an esthetician so I have been working full time along with going to school at night time . So the school is coming to an end in a couple of weeks which im glad so I can figure out the next chapter of my life …
Update, since its been a while. I've struggled through stress and burn out, some of it really bad, since my last post. My immediate supervisor went out medically and won't return. While this was a good thing(he was a weak leader and terrible supervisor), This put more on me because I was second in charge of our section, so now I was doing both our jobs. 7Cups has been helping me a lot. I've taken a vacation, which helped with some relaxation, but then going back to work last week, the stress level went back up playing catch up. I could have put in for the job of the supervisor of our section, but due to my already stress and burnout, I didn't want it. After long consideration, I realized I would be happier where I'm at, even with the stress and burnout. While considering taking the promotion, looking back I realized that most of my issues were with subordinate staff and issues related to the fact that our supervisor was so terrible at his job. I was always playing go between with him and the staff, fixing his messes, etc. I met the new section supervisor yesterday. He's a no nonsense, straight by the book, guy, which mirrors my leadership style. The old guy worked in the grey areas. I was bending my work ethics and style to try to make it work with this guy and I believe that is what contributed to a lot of my stress and some burnout. Knowing this guy was cutting corners and working in the grey area. Worrying about things going wrong all the time. And the staff below us liked some of his grey area style because it was easy. Things are going to change now, and I think having this new guy in there will not only help make my job easier, but I will be happier doing things how they should be done. Here's hoping a change in leadership will help my stress and burnout. I'll keep you all posted.
@CyclingThroughLife
So glad to read this. We enjoy you here at 7cups you are a vibrant member here in the forums. Have a great Friday. 💕
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