50+ Check-In March 6-9, 2023
Image by Alex Shute https://unsplash.com/photos/b7QwXDDEwv8
When arguments arise people can say cruel things, and sometimes their actions can be even worse. One of the horrible things about being hurt by the people we love is how hard it is to forget.
Something that helps me to forgive a closed one is to tell myself that they might not have had a clear mind when they said things that hurt me.
What helps you to forgive someone who hurt you?
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What helps you to forgive someone who hurt you?
I don't necessarily always want to forgive people, such as the man who abused me. He had no excuse for what he did. I don't forgive him, but I don't think about him often, either. It would weigh me down.
With other situations, I try to look at the situation from their point of view. Did they deliberately hurt me, and why? They may not have meant to hurt me. They may not have understood that what they were doing would hurt me.
@WharfRat
Trying to understand what and why it happened when someone hurts us can ease the pain.
@amiablePeace77
Yes, that's true, and I try to understand why they did what they did, except for the sexual abuse. He tortured me because he was a sadist. That's all the understanding one can do in a case like that.
@WharfRat
I can't even find words to express how sorry I feel for what you had to go through ❤️. You're an amazingly strong person for joining 7cups to help yourself. I feel honored to have met you here.
@amiablePeace77
Hi, Peace,
Well, I ask questions. Maybe I misunderstood and that helps me get over it.
@purpleTree4652
Good to ask questions to make sure you really understood it well what was said or happened 👍
I pray and write and talk. It's not the forgiving. It's the awful hurt.
@zaramerch
I'm glad you can connect to a higher power, write and talk. Some hurt can be very deep.
Thank you for your kind words. They help center me
@amiablePeace77 What helps you to forgive someone who hurt you?
The first thing I do is to recognize that it is not the person that is hurting me but the actions and words they do and say and my reaction to them. They made a mistake.
It nay have a lasting effect on the relationship, but I try to avoid the blame game. That does not help me feel better. It just embroils me in an internal battle.
I try to let go of the situation and not ruminate about it. I do not condone their actions, but I also do not see them as a bad person. I try to see them as like me, multi-faceted.
@soulsings
I believe that's a good way to deal with hurt from others, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.
@amiablePeace77
I logically understand that you don’t forgive someone for them. You forgive someone for yourself. In reality though, that is sometimes very difficult.
@UberRuminator
Forgiveness is about not letting the pain harm your heart but you are right, it can be very difficult.
@amiablePeace77
Forgiveness
It isn't for them to benfit but for us. When we forgive someone for trespassing or anything negative, it frees us.
How do you know you have forgiven.
There have been many times I have "thought" I have forgiven someone. Only to have during an argument that it comes up as if I haven't ..
So frustrating
@Barltik2065
I find when I have not fully processed what happened my forgiveness does not really come from the heart and will pop up when triggered.
@amiablePeace77
I envy you
In most cases I just ignore it.
If they have truly hurt me I am unlikely to forgive them.
@Gettingbettertoday
It's hard to forgive someone who caused us deep pain. I hope not forgiving will not leave any bitterness.