50+ Check-In November 12-14, 2021
Bullying is never okay, never justified, no matter the social status of the bully.
It hurts, it hurts everyone, the person who is bullied, the person who sees their partner being bullied, the mother, father, grandparents or friends fearing for the well-being of their loved ones.
Bullying can happen to anyone, at work, at school and even at home.
The more empowered you are, and the more you can help yourself, the better chance you have to stop the bully. There are different ways to deal with a bully. Today, I like to point out about non-reacting.
The bully feeds on your reaction. Their goal is to make you feel helpless, make you sad and scared so they can feel superior. This is their way to fill their hole of unhappiness. If you show them you are not sad and scared, they will often lose interest and they cannot take away your power. If they do not get a reaction from you, it means to them that they failed and they lose their power.
You can simply walk away, start counting in your head, but keep walking. ❤️
What are ways you find helpful to deal with a bully?
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@amiablePeace77, Honestly, I think my meditation helps me focus after an attack from a bully. For instance, a woman at work seems to have something against me. Today she tried to bully me into feeling bad. But she was simply wrong. So I just went back to my work and focused on it and felt fine. She tried to bully me again but I just ignored her. I can tell that got to her because she snapped at me later when I asked a simple question.
@purpleTree4652 sounds like you are using good sense and not reacting.
@soulsings, I'm sure trying. But, I admit that the way she treated me has been on my mind this evening.
@amiablePeace77 What are ways you find helpful to deal with a bully?
Not fearing the bully is important too. If you are not safe, getting others to be with you can be important. Bullying at work can be a cause for losing the job, so if you do not feel safe, let people other than the bully know and ask for help.
@soulsings, ok, thanks for that.
@soulsings
It's really important to reach out for help in some cases, thanks for pointing out soul!
@amiablePeace77
Bullying is never ok at all.
You can simply walk away, start counting in your head, but keep walking. ❤️
What are ways you find helpful to deal with a bully? I have not had to deal with that for an extremely long time. But my Great-granddaughter is 7 and she is experiencing this a lot at school. They get her away from all the other kids and surround her in a circle and tell her she better not tell or they are going to beat her up. One girl socked her in the jaw and said she better not tell and all the other girls supported this bully. I told her mother and she went to the school and now the teacher keeps her eyes open. My great-grand baby was afraid to tell anyone but, she told me. Her grades and concentration had begun to fail and no one knew why?❤️
@scarletPear1945 It sounds like you are a really good great grand parent.❤️ Just my opinion.
@adventurousBranch3786
Thank you, my friend❤️
@adventurousBranch3786
Hi @adventurousBranch3786. I post you here, because here I find your name. Hope you're doing well in between. That's how it is for us - is it not. I was very lucky today. I got energy so that I could check my eyes at the doctor.
Well - since you're an American I have an English grammar question for you. I also asked the question yesterday at a group for members and I mostly got the answer as Fristo gave.
This is what I asked him: (He had an interview with MK). I quote you:" I spent some time with Madam Kindness. Needless to say, they were kind to me. Living with them, I came to know a lot more about them than I knew before."
Many here at 7Cup do the same and I ask why. I have outlined 3 words. I would have written she, her, her - that is one person. They, them, them are plural.
Fristo answers: "Hey Helga, About the usage of they, we have more than two genders, so we use gender neutral word they." (Fristo is from India and I see moore people from India write the same.) So - what is right to write here in English language?
All the best from Helga.
@Helgafy We are using this in the US also. Like it was said to be gender neutral. I'm not sure how it is being taught in school these days (since I went to school a long time ago). But I believe it is being commonly accepted and has been noted in English dictionaries. Happy belated birthday to you. I am glad that you were able to get your eyes checked.
@adventurousBranch3786
Thank you so much wonderful @adventurousBranch3786.
And miraculously you noted my birthday.
You have a great weekend my friend (even if I think we have weekends the whole year around).
From Helga.
@adventurousBranch3786
One more question for you ha.ha since you live in the US and maybe understand better than I do: About Brad Pit, the actor. Well, maybe he's good looking (not so much good looking after what I see) - but it seems like, also here in Europe that women (also in our age!) think he is so amazing (in being good-looking). Do you know what that is all about - ha.ha.
From Helga.
@Helgafy Hi he was a lot better looking in his younger years I think. I remember that there was a movie called Thelma and Louise. The women went crazy over him in that movie. I saw the movie and didn't even notice him that much but many women were talking about it. There is another movie he did called Legends of the Falls. He was considered very attractive in this movie also. I was never a big fan of his but Legend of the Falls is one of my favorite movies that he was in. By the way I noticed that you mentioned your birthday in a posting by someone else. 😊
@adventurousBranch3786
Thank you, thank you, thank you. About my birthday - you're very good in observing. And the movie Thelma and Louise - maybe I saw it - maybe it was about 2 sisters who "found"? a wounded soldier and was jealoux at each other when one of them went to his room to wash his wounds.
As to do with "your" Monday-group. It was very nice for me to meet you there. The other Mondays I've been in bed at 8 p.m.
I'll write one more post to you beneath when I remember the actors name
@adventurousBranch3786
Yes, his name is Jack Nicholson. A girlfriend of mine and her sisters think that he's so sexy! So that's not my opinion at all.
All the best from helega.
@adventurousBranch3786
Hi @adventurousBranch3786.
I hope you're doing OK. I see you didn't respond to my last 2 messanges to you here. So:
1. Maybe you're not feeling so good and have a breake from 7Cup
2. Maybe you don't like me to message you.
You can tell me if 2. is the answer and then I'll not disturb you anymore here.
All the best for you - Helga.
No not at all. Sometimes I don’t get the notifications. . I just saw this message. I will look for the other messages and answer them a little later. Some days I am slower than others to answer also. But I defi\nicely like to hear from you!
*definitely
I saw the post from the other day. Thelma and Louise is a different movie. I hadn’t heard of so man women liking Jack Nicholson. At least not like Brad Pitt. No worries about the Monday meeting. 8pm would be a hard time for me to make it also!
@adventurousBranch3786
Good morning to you Branch.
Thank you for answering. Some more about actors; These ones I like to watch (for 20 years ago when they were younger they were at their top I think): Kevin Costner, Richard Gere, Nicolas Cage. The last one is a bit slow when talking, but I like that.
You have a nice day Branch. From Helga.
I was bullied through most of my school years. I didn't deal with it well, and that's why it continued. I didn't know what to do. That ended over 40 years ago, but the effects are still there.
@WharfRat
Hi there @WhardfRat.
I can imagine how the negative experience impacted on you and it's a really bad memory. Hope it's now just a memory and that it does not influence your quality life.
Have a good weekend ahead 😊
I don't really know, I have an old experience of bullying. When I was young, since I was seven years old my schoolmates used to bullying me till I finished my primary education level when I have ten years old. I remember what I had to face every day, at school I had to endure these comments about my curly hair and my bad scent and after school I was going to a teacher to teach me additional hours and he was from those teachers who were beating and bullying their students and after that when I returning home I had to endure dealing with my brother who was teasing me and enjoying hearing me screaming either from pain or from disability from enduring his insults, finally my parents were yelling at me because I got mad and I was screaming.
@DinaElwy
Hi @dinaElwy
That's a really sad story. You went through a lot, things like that should never happen 😔
I never get bullied, nor does anyone else in my family. We live in a condominium, and we don't know any bullies.
@Offmytrack
that's good @Offmytrack, sounds like a safe place 😀
@amiablePeace77 Wow this post reminds me of a recent experience! I have had a lot of experience with bullying at school, work and at home. Someone who stalked me for many years found out my current address and sent me a letter. I freaked out and panicked. My partner advised me to do exactly what you said here. He told me not to respond at all. It's been a couple of years and I haven't received another letter. I'm thankful that I listened to his advise. Thank you for this helpful post.
@adventurousBranch3786
Being stalked is a terrible feeling, so sorry that you had to put up with that, glad it's over!
@amiablePeace77
For me, the Grey Rock technique has worked, until I can get out of the situation, get away from them and STAY away from them.
From then on, it's No Contact.
Afterwards, Yoga and Mindfulness Meditation has helped me tremendously.
Bullies eventually face their own karma.
---
Silence is the best answer to a fool.
- Nnedi Okorafor.
@JackKost
Sounds like a very helpful way to deal with the situation. Nice quote!
@amiablePeace77
Thanks 🙏
It's a tactic that's always worked for me. I was in situations where I was in a toxic group. I was outnumbered and "mobbed". They were insulting and taunting me, in an attempt to make me lose my temper, so they could draw me into lashing out.
The process is called: "Baiting & Bashing".
I didn't react they way they wanted. I ignored their taunts, excused myself from the situation, and got out of there.
Now I have no contact with any of them.
Here's another quote:
Better to shun the bait than struggle in the snare.
- William Blake.
Thanks 🙏
It's a tactic that's always worked for me. I was in situations where I was in a toxic group. I was outnumbered and "mobbed". They were insulting and taunting me, in an attempt to make me lose my temper, so they could draw me into lashing out.
The process is called: "Baiting & Bashing".
I didn't react they way they wanted. I ignored their taunts, excused myself from the situation, and got out of there.
Now I have no contact with any of them.
Here's another quote:
Better to shun the bait than struggle in the snare.
- William Blake.
@JackKost
Apologies for the duplicate posting 😕
@JackKost
No worries 😊
@JackKost
Great way to deal with it JackKost. Today, I do the same but sadly many years ago I did not and suffered the consequences. Getting out of it is often the best to do in my view. Then, when safe, one can always think about other action, if required.
