50+ community Check-in February 1-4, 2021

5 years ago I was fresh graduate and I dreamed about starting my career and I was looking for a job. Now I am fired from my job since 6/1/2021 in a sudden and insulting way and without getting my last salary, and I have to start over again to look for a job like 5 years ago.

5 years ago .. 2016... I worried a lot more, sometimes justified and sometimes not. Afterwards I got to a more secure place physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I recognized how I was initiating my own worry patterns. I then noticed these patterns and called in my “nurturing parent” inner voice to practice self comforting and self reassurance. It’s been very good to accept more responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings. Additionally I started concentrating on more self care. It’s taken quite a bit of time and space for this to happen in solitude and reflection. I had to limit my involvement with the outside world to heal my inner world. I did not plan it that way yet that’s how it evolved. The Universe knew what I needed and I paid attention. Still am.

In early 2016 I was angry and disappointed that my employer failed to recognize my talents and experience and passed me over for a promotion, even though I had been doing that same exact job (without the title) for 3 years. I had to train my replacement before I was sent back to my old crew, who were also angry because they loved how well I supported them and the new guy was much less empathetic and accommodating.

It still annoys me a little but I got the last laugh: I took a buy out in December 2016 and retired!

@amiablePeace77

5 years ago I decided to cut my rotten sister out of my life. We have not spoken since. She has no one to else to listen to her so she fuels my niece with alcohol so she has an audience, filled her head up ranting about me. Then my niece calls me and left a hateful message on my phone in the middle of the night. I told them both off and said never call me again. Feels kind of bad at times but I am much better off. My sister will hold things over my head forever. Completely stuck in the past. Very passive aggressive. She was bound out of jealousy, to cause me problems. I am grateful she is gone for that reason and the time I have saved not having to listen to her. Never got along, never trusted her.

We bought a new home that year that I love still. Sold my last horse and gave that up. Still had my sweet little dog who was getting older, Eli. I have much to be grateful for.

What things do I still hold on to? Obviously I cannot let go of my bad feelings for my sister, I told her I forgive her but I just cannot have her in my life. Thats the best I can do. I still do not like her though, so I wonder if I really have forgiven her or how?

I still have ongoing things with my relationship too, a guy who doesn't take care of his health and a mil who is too controlling but these things just go on and on and never get solved. You learn to do what you can, take care of yourself, set what boundaries you can, suck up as much as you can and wait for everything change one day and it will and the river will float you down stream further at that point.

@amiablePeace77

Actually, five years ago I wasn't nearly as anxious as I am now. But - I didn't have the same worries and concerns. I hope that five years from now I can look back on this time as a learning experience and will have most of my anxiety under control or gone.

@amiablePeace77 I was not worried much today about the past 5 years. I was focused on a half meter of snow

I think when our life is nearing the end, we may be able to let go of all the "fluff" in life.

To what percentage, just very roughly, did things happen you worried about?

I don't know about percentages, but I do worry about the future. I've been unemployed for several years because of my mental health, so I worry about finances. I have been isolated my entire life, especially the past thirty years, and worry about that. I've been able to make a few friendships, mostly long-distance, with people I knew while growing up, since I started reaching out in the past year or so. I have a long way to go with my therapy and worry about that. I don't know if my current therapist, as good as she is, can do everything I need, or if I should get another, as well. It's worse than just confusion when I think about that.

Great question! 5 years ago I was upset because my husband was suicidal and diagnosed with borderline personality disorders. I was deeply hurt by the things that he’d confessed to and wondering how to forgive him and move forward. A year later he left me, he couldn’t honestly face the things that he’d done and couldn’t allow anyone to help him. I thought I’d die of heartache, lose my house and never be happy again. Well, I’m alive, still in my home, and happiness grows day by day. My children have been incredibly supportive and whilst I felt bad about needing their support when I should be the strong one, we are closer because of what we went through. They’re now 17 and 23, they’re wonderful and I’m happy to be alive for them and whatever my future holds. I am still scared of ending up alone though.