2nd part of taglist thread 50+ Oct. 20 to 22, 2025

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@amiablePeace77

I think I struggle to show myself compassion if it is mental anguish that I am experiencing.  I've been through so much that I know how to pick myself up and keep on going.  If it is physical anguish, I know to slow down and rest.

@amiablePeace77

What are some areas in your life where you struggle to show yourself compassion?

@amiablePeace77

I struggle to show myself compassion with regards sometimes getting retriggered by the past. I sometimes try to be there for everyone else to the detriment of my own needs 💜💕

In my ineptitude at just about everything, I know that it is because of a lack of experience, so I can't expect myself to be good at it.

I'm often very self critical, so I feel guilty to say kind things about myself at times, but I'm trying to work on it.

This is kind of a long list for me. I turned 50 in May and was diagnosed ADHD only 6 months prior. I am only now actually figuring out how to properly manage and getting meds regulated. I spent a lot of time (too much) being frustrated or angry with authority figures in my childhood and early adulthood. I then began to “what if” anything and everything I’ve done. For obvious and numerous reasons, my wife and daughters didn’t exactly love that and had to expend a not insignificant amount of energy in reassuring me that in fact they like who I am and who I’ve always been. The problem that they didn’t (and still kind of don’t) get is that I have never liked myself. I masked that the best I could for years because I had no one to discuss my utter lack of self esteem with. I kept it in. I kept a lot in. I masked. The funny thing is that since my ADHD diagnosis, I have worked harder than I ever have at trying to like myself. I’ve actually had days and weeks where I have. Felt like a worthy person that is. My wife has complained to me recently that I have been worse about my self esteem since the diagnosis. However, we are perceiving this from very different perspectives. For me, I’ve never liked myself, so when I feel good now, I try to acknowledge it. And vice versa, I have also acknowledged verbally (and with a story usually) when something is said or done that triggers my self hate and my recognition that it exists, thereby avoiding my self hate. For her, my very imbedded self disgust is relatively new, and in 25 years when it has shown up it’s been felt with and we moved on as if they were isolated incidents. The reality for me though is that talking about my self hate is taking its power away. If I deny my self hate it grows and consumes. If I acknowledge it, she sees it as me focusing on the negative. If I don’t acknowledge and try to ignore it, the hate grows. But when I talk about it and recognize it, I feel better about me. Learning to live with the ADHD has been a real struggle and I don’t have a lot of patience or compassion for myself. I know I’ve gone on a tangent here, but I think the point I’m making is that when have I struggled showing myself compassion? Every damned day.

My lack of ability to make as much money as I am in need of. @amiablePeace77

@amiablePeace77 In my love life… I have chronic pain which makes socializing difficult. I can’t express my masculinity normally and struggle to find self compassion for that. Thanks