how do you forgive yourself for things you did
I’m struggling. I haven’t been here in years but now I’m back.
TW for rehab, drug use, abuse, sa, and idk what else. Just know it’s a lot.
I just got out of court ordered rehab, I’m addicted to anything I could get. Mainly pills, meth, and alcohol. My options were go to rehab and then house arrest when I’m discharged or go to jail.
now I’m stuck at my abusive dads house and I’m struggling so bad.
I want to use, I want out of here. I’m allowed to go to outpatient services at the rehab and to aa/na meetings but that’s it. I’m already freaking out. I broke down yesterday and my dad says “you brought this on yourself, what did you think would happen”
I’ve been having flashbacks when I let people use me for sex just to get drugs. I’d get completely *** and let them do whatever they want. I’m disgusted with myself.
im struggling so bad. How am I supposed to get past this ***.
I’m so *** up and hate myself more every day. Idk how I’m going to survive this 😭
@tayistrying
While the situation you had in the past sound like a pretty terrible time .... it is in the past....
the only way i think you will get better is to move on ... dwelling on past mistakes and failure IMO guarantees you stay right where you are unhappy miserable and looking for a reason to use substances to escape but you do not escape just numb yourself and miss out on good things......
@toughTiger6481
I don’t know how to move on, that’s the struggle 🥲🥲
@tayistrying
Moving on is different for every person so it is hard to say do step 1/2/3
First of all we all have things we did in past and we cannot change most ........ things said or did ... people do not need to point that out to us like sounds like your dad is ...,,,, with that being said some things we do have to learn to live with .....
i think some dwell on items in the past and think If only i did this or did not do that .... everything now would be better or ok etc....i think that sort of thought is very damaging had people who every time they had difficult or hard time they would fall back on well if this had not happened i could or would ...... so it gives them a excuse or reason to give up.....
The difference between those who do and those would do not move on IMO is those who move on tackle each item ... own up to their shortcomings ( without excuse) and even share their story to help others.... avoid pitfalls you personally had to climb out of.
@tayistrying -
My heart goes out to you because I have been in treatment myself and have spent time in AA/NA meetings and dealing with childhood trauma. I can only speak from my own experience. But for me at that time, especially with just getting out of rehab (2018), I was trying to find people I could trust and I could be myself with and just stay clean but it was weird because I felt so ashamed of myself because before going to rehab, I was already going to meetings but a frequent relasper. Then adding that shame to the trauma shame, let's say it was a vicous cycle. I struggled with staying clean until I finally decided to start being more authentic seeked out mental health help for my bipolar and trauma history. I am still learning to live without shame.
I am 55 and my Dad is 85 and I still struggle with my relationship with him. I hope you might be able to find an alternative living situation over time. I don't live with my Dad anymore but it is still difficult to visit him.
I am trying to focus more on relating with people in everyday life without falling into trauma thoughts or thinking people don't like me when they don't even know me (more shame that is not mine to own anymore). I am also trying to learn to stick to more routine with eating and drinking enough wather and doing daily hygiene .... then try to include reading a meditation book, journaling and try to refocus myself to graditude. I noticed my days go better when I do these basis things. I need to get back into doing yoga and breathing meditations again because that really helps decrease my anxiety. I don't know if any of this was helpful but I hope your day goes better. Take good care of yourself.
@considerateTurtle007
i have so much trauma from my parents. Especially my mom and all her boyfriends. It makes me question everything I think I know about myself 😢 I have bipolar too and they diagnosed me with cptsd when I was in rehab. I did a lot of therapy but it’s so hard for me to talk about things that happened at my moms. I’m doing an outpatient program now but I feel like I’m failing already ☹️
im on house arrest for 6 months at least so idk if I’ll be able to live somewhere else then but idk how I could. This is why I’ve been homeless for 3 years until now. It sucks. Idk what to do 😢
my PO is working with me on goals now. Maybe they will help like your routine things help you. I’m just struggling so much. Thank you for sharing all that with me
@tayistrying. When I get flashbacks and feel disgusting about letting people use and abuse me. I say some affirmations each time it happens.
The past is over. I forgive myself. It’s just a memory of a past event, it will pass. I forgive myself.
I repeat it as many times as needed until the feelings of disgust pass.
I do breathing meditations like was mentioned previously to help decrease my anxiety.
i hope that you find something that helps❤️.
@adventurousBranch3786
thank you. I learned this before, but I forgot about it and think I need to try it again. They had me do this in rehab and I didn’t do very well at it but maybe it will be better this time. I feel like I want to be better more now than I did then so maybe it will help.
it’s been so hard. I didn’t know how much being high was covering things up, I feel like I’m struggling more than I was in rehab and it’s really hard to handle 🥲
@tayistrying I hope that you find it helpful. If not I hope you will find something else that helps ❤️.
@tayistrying Welcome back.
Take it one day at a time, do not worry about tomorrow, focus on today.
Tomorrow is never promised to anyone.
Live in the here and now.
I hope this helps some.
@calmMango9611
thank you, I’m trying, I just have so much anxiety lately. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong 🥲
The first thing I want to say is you absolutely do deserve forgiveness from yourself. Everyone does. A person's actions are separate from who they are. You are not is not defined by your past. You're trying to do right and you're reaching out. That's awesome. There's a YouTube video from an addiction specialist I really like and it's on self forgiveness. This is the first one I had sent to my partner when she was able to open herself up to help. I don't know if I'm allowed to share the link because I'm new here but if not let me know and I won't do it again.https://youtu.be/fTAfVteWF3U
@The2Wolves
thank you, it’s so difficult to believe that about myself 🥲 I’m going to check out the video. I need anything that might help right about now ☹️
You're welcome. My name is Jennifer. I'm glad you're able to express it and reach out. You should subscribe to that woman's channel too she's fantastic. Also Heidi Rain is a fantastic coach as well. I'm going to link a video from her. After you watch the forgiveness one watch this one. This one is so amazing it's for both the addict and the family members and it explains addiction and such a way that I never known before. It makes sense. Addiction is not the cause it is our attempt at a solution to fix our lives. The other one is a speaker talking about the latest research that confirms that. https://youtu.be/QbDLwTrGGh4https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs
You're welcome. My name is Jennifer. I'm glad you're able to express it and reach out. You should subscribe to that woman's channel too she's fantastic. Also Heidi Rain is a fantastic coach as well. I'm going to link a video from her. After you watch the forgiveness one watch this one. This one is so amazing it's for both the addict and the family members and it explains addiction and such a way that I never known before. It makes sense. Addiction is not the cause it is our attempt at a solution to fix our lives. The other one is a speaker talking about the latest research that confirms that. https://youtu.be/QbDLwTrGGh4
https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs
You're welcome. My name is Jennifer. I'm glad you're able to express it and reach out. You should subscribe to that woman's channel too she's fantastic. Also Heidi Rain is a fantastic coach as well. I'm going to link a video from her. After you watch the forgiveness one watch this one. This one is so amazing it's for both the addict and the family members and it explains addiction and such a way that I never known before. It makes sense. Addiction is not the cause it is our attempt at a solution to fix our lives. The other one is a speaker talking about the latest research that confirms that. https://youtu.be/QbDLwTrGGh4
https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs
You're welcome. My name is Jennifer. I'm glad you're able to express it and reach out. You should subscribe to that woman's channel too she's fantastic. Also Heidi Rain is a fantastic coach as well. I'm going to link a video from her. After you watch the forgiveness one watch this one. This one is so amazing it's for both the addict and the family members and it explains addiction and such a way that I never known before. It makes sense. Addiction is not the cause it is our attempt at a solution to fix our lives. The other one is a speaker talking about the latest research that confirms that. https://youtu.be/QbDLwTrGGh4https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs
You're welcome. My name is Jennifer. I'm glad you're able to express it and reach out. You should subscribe to that woman's channel too she's fantastic. Also Heidi Rain is a fantastic coach as well. I'm going to link a video from her. After you watch the forgiveness one watch this one. This one is so amazing it's for both the addict and the family members and it explains addiction and such a way that I never known before. It makes sense. Addiction is not the cause it is our attempt at a solution to fix our lives. The other one is a speaker talking about the latest research that confirms that. https://youtu.be/QbDLwTrGGh4https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs