i need help to stop my porn/masturbation addiction
Hello there. My name is jacob and im here looking for help with my addictions. Ive been addicted for about 4 years and ive been trying hard to stop. Recently i went 2 months clean without porn, but not masturbation. Ive only gone 1 week ever without masturbating. The sad part is that ive kinda given up on stopping. Ive lost my motivation nd i just feel empty and wasted. I dont know who to go to or what i can to to stop, but im hoping some of you can help me. So if you have any advice, words of motivation, or resources, please tell me. The main resource im looking for is a 24/7 porn addiction help'website with chat and all. So please help!
Also i forgot to mention the reason why im stopping is because im trying to become better man for my fiance.
Yes she does. Shes actually trying to help me stop too. Though shes been forgetting to help me, but still... so yes she finds it a problem and i do too
Maybe you guys can work out a system? Every time you do it there is something that acts as a punishment? I know it's easier to stop something that way sometimes we did it for my brother when he was little and always being bad!
Or you could also do it the other way around. If you can go a certain amount of days there is a reward?
She actually does a punishment thing for me. If i look at porn or masturbate she wont kiss me at all for a whole day. Its actually quite effective, though shes been forgetting to ask if im clean so its been hard.
If you see she has forgotten you should tell her. That way you have to do the little walk of shame to tell her and no one likes that walk. I'm sure we've all been on a walk of shame before
Yeah. Ill definitely talk to her tomorrow about it! Hopefully then she will start to remember to check on me everyday.
Put sticky note reminders up :) that's how I remember things!
@diligentStrings2354
If you see her forgetting, do tell her yourself without waiting for her to ask.
What will happen if she forgets to ask you for a whole week? Sometimes it takes our own desire to keep things right instead of waiting for someone else to help us.
I can relate. I try to be less perverted around my girlfriend but my instincts tell me otherwise. Idk if my obsession contributes to feeling this horny as a teen
@BlueNight1
The Bible does not directly address masturbation, but it does speak about sexual purity. The Bible makes it clear that our behavior should be conformed to God's standards (1 Corinthians 6:12). The Bible also teaches that we are made in the image of God and that our bodies belong to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Therefore, when we sin sexually, we dishonor God by disobeying His commands.
Masturbation is a form of lustful self-pleasuring that can lead to sexual addiction. God's Word teaches us that we are to flee from sexual immorality and pursue righteousness (1 Corinthians 6:18). Masturbation is a form of sexual immorality because it involves lustful thoughts and actions outside of marriage. Like any other sin, masturbation must be confessed before God and forsaken as part of our pursuit of holiness.
HI @diligentStrings2354!
There's a few things that's important to keep in mind when talking about breaking an addiction and changing your habits that can be really helpful ^-^
1) Relapses happen all the time and it's not worth beating yourself up over. One of the hardest things to do is accept that if you mess up, it's not the end of the world. Once you do, you can stop being hung up over how you failed and try again. Try being able to just forgive yourself when things happen and then focus on how to overcome the addiction again.
2) A reward system for building habits can be really helpful as well! Charles Duhigg has a video that shows how anticipating rewards can help rewire your habits :) what if instead of a punishment, you and your gf turned this into a reward? Every day that you don't masturbate / watch porn, she can give you a small treat at the end of the day!
Here's some resources on overcoming porn that you asked for though, I found a few searching the internet:
Reddit has a subreddit on this! I don't use Reddit but there's 100,000+ people here so it might be really helpful
UT Dallas has an article with some sex addiction resources on the bottom as well!
Good luck and I wish you the best! I think it's super healthy to be aware of this problem and work towards resolving it!!
Positive reinforcement and behavioural therapy can be very helpful! If you find a certain behaviour to be interfering with your life, reaching out (like you have) is a very important step. Masturbation can be healthy but only you can really be the judge of what interferes with your life. Best Wishes!
-CC
What an insightful and well written response @adVictorium!
I had a fiancé with a porn addiction.. We ended up not being able to work through it because he started hiding and lying to protect him from my disappointment. Maybe I was to blame by having unrealistic goals but word of advice. Do Not Lie! Anything can be worked on if you stay honest.
I'm sorry to hear that. I agree, honesty is the best policy. I'm dating a recovering compulsive liar so dealing with lies is not easy, I get that. I hope your life goes well
@FreshAir7
@FreshAir7
I don't think you were the only one to blame. In your relationship you both had something to do with how things ended up. Your blame was that you had faith in him? Im sorry you guys didn't work out but I see you did learned your lessons and are ready to move on having much more wisdom for your future relationships.
Also what purpose does porn serve for u? Is it more than just the physical stimulus it provides? Is it the self validation? Does the type of porn u watch feed a desire u have (perhaps that u don't even really want to have) Understanding what purpose prob served for.me helped me quit.
The purpose for me is just kinda to help my urges for other things and also its a stress reliever since i get jacked up while doing it too. I reminded my fiance to keep me accountable today and since shes been forgetting to check on me she let me pass this time. But anyways its hard to tell her when i break. but i know its for the best! Thanks for the support so far and i hope this thread keeps on going!
@diligentStrings2354
Don't shift the responsibility onto your fiancee. She can't keep an eye on you all the time. And think about her, haven't you thought it could be offensive towards her? I would suggest you, first of all, to register on nofap.com and follow your own schedule. Secondly, think about yourself and about your future. Don't you think this addiction won't influence your mental and physical wellness? Do you want to become addicted to male enhancement pills and buy Viagra to have sex? Masturbation and porn break your idea of sex and it could become impossible to have erection without it.
I have often found that the harder I try to quit porn the more difficult it becomes. It almost seems that the more I try focus on stopping the more the temptation and sexual tension builds up. I've started with a different kind of approach which is indirect. I have started practicing mindfulness. This is a method which really helps you to stop trying to control everything that you do, but rather to focus on your surroundings and how the body feels. Often I find that people push themselves beyond their mental restraints, because they do not listen to what their body needs. Everybody has sexual tension. Some more than others. When you stop trying to control the frustration and dissapointment you somehow get a sense of relief. Many people have different views on porn. Often women feel that it is an insult to their self esteem. But porn can also be a great support to help couples who have bedroom issues. An important point is to realise when it is an addiction. Often people mistake an addiction with simple viewing because of the many controversial issues out there. Some of them being religious views, sexual orientations issues etc. People who are addicted will find that porn affects their performance at work, their sleeping habits, their eating, their relationships and so forth. Most people isolate themselves for extended periods of time. These people need professional help. For the rest of us we need to make certain where we stand to have a fulfilling life.
I know a problem i have with stopping is that i actually like being addicted... when i stop my addiction i miss it, so i end up trying to get addicted again. Its just that i love the feeling to when you do the thing your addicted to, you feel a sense of pleasure and hapiness. I do feel guilty, but happy at the same time. So yes i do want to stop, yet my mind also wants to be addicted. Its hard :( How to you stop an addiction to being addicted?
@diligentStrings2354
Sounds like you haven't found a good reason to stop doing it yet. Maybe having your girlfriend ask you how clean you are everyday is actually a bad thing as you still don't seem to stop doing it. How about keeping a journal where you write everyday for yourself only about this addiction and how you could replace it? Try to see why you see the type of porn you are addicted to and how you could watch less and less everyday. It's hard but you can't do it unless you really want to.
Also, don't expect to become less addicted immediately. Miracles can't happen, a lot more when you have so much to work on with yourself. Give it time & in the meantime keep yourself informed about what is too much and what is actually normal for your age.
And if anyone else would like to share their story on here feel free! Were all in this together so if someone else needs help feel free to add on!