Is it bad that I wish I never had this disorder?
I just don't wanna be like this. I'm already broken and traumatized by my childhood, my narcissistic father and my distant mother, why did I have to get ADHD? I mean, I've had it as long as I can remember, but I turn 20 TOMORROW, and it wasn't until 4 months ago that I actually started to look into all this and figure out my stupid brain
The more I learn about it, the explanations for why I am the way that I am, the more I wish I never had it. The impulsiveness, the anxiety, the limerence falling in love with someone I only just frickin met, the constant brain activity keeping me up at night, the inability to put consistent effort into something, because the moment I stop, it never comes back
I wish I could remove this. That I could just take it out of my brain
I know that none of this is really productive, and I see all these things trying to help me, but for some reason, I just don't do it. I want to, but I don't, and I don't know why
I'm just wondering if it's okay to feel these feelings. To wish I was normal
@calmLunch9427
Sending hugs if ok
Thank you, I appreciate it ☺️
@calmLunch9427
having a disorder can be really special
I have felt a similar frustration so many times! Why can't I be the kind of person I "need" to be? It is so normal to feel that way. Keep learning about ADHD and how to work with your brain, not against it. The ADHD brain doesn't produce enough dopamine without external stimulus, which is why stimulant drugs are often prescribed for ADHD. Find healthy things that energize you and boost your brain chemistry. I found that running boosts my mood and helps me be more productive. There is hope for you! You can thrive with ADHD! It will take a lot of work, but you can do it!
I think it's normal and not necessarily a bad thing to have negative feelings surrounding your ADHD. I do all the time, actually! I don't consider ADHD a type of "superpower" like other people do, and I even refuse to use the label neurodivergent because I don't want to be put in an "other" category, and because that label still carries way too much stigma in society. ADHD has often negatively impacted how I talk to others and how I perform at work, so it's also not a part of me I'm particularly proud of either. You're entitled to feel however you want regarding your condition. ^^
However, I would note that dwelling on negative feelings for too long, with ADHD, or anything really, isn't all that helpful in the long run. Giving yourself a bit of grace with specific challenges and reminding yourself that you can often try again has been helpful to me whenever I'm feeling down about mistakes.
To clarify, I meant I refuse to use the label 'neurodivergent' for myself. If someone else wants me to use that to describe them I will do so.
Thanks everyone for your input, though, I don't know if you'll be notified about this message lol
I'm going to keep trying with this and learning more about ADHD
@calmLunch9427
No I dont think its bad that you wish you never had ADHD. It is a challenging and often frustrating condition to have. So your feelings are totally valid and a normal reaction to what you are uncovering about yourself. Just remember to show yourself some grace and compassion as this all unfolds. The more you can understand about yourself and this condition going forward, the more empowered you will be to face the challenges.
