A bit confused
Hi guys this is my first time trying this, I didn’t know who to talk to
I have anxiety and was seeing a therapist but we weren’t a good fit so I haven’t seen someone for over a year now. I was going pretty well for a while but now it’s all caught up with me and I realise I was pushing a lot of things down.
A lot of my anxiety is because of issues with having new friends and my old ones disapproving of how I’ve changed as a person. I feel more comfortable with myself now that I have new friends, but I also feel a lot of guilt from not talking to my old friends as much.
Also having relationship issues at the moment. I just found out that both my exes got their now girlfriends pregnant and then left them so that was a lot to process. I have been in a couple really toxic relationships so I hadn’t talked to anyone in a while. I recently met a guy who my friend set me up with. Things were going really well when we met the first time and we started talking after that night. It made me realise that I hadn’t talked to someone in ages and I kinda forgot how to. This guy is very sweet and a genuinely good guy, he has a good reputation too. I just found myself getting very scared to talk to him. I do really like him and we get along well, but I constantly leave him on delivered for long periods of time because I get scared that I won’t have anything interesting enough to say. It’s been over a month now since I met him and we haven’t messaged in over a week. Because I get bad at replying and he loses interest. I’m not sure if I’m pushing him away because I’m scared or if we’re just not compatible .
@honestOak4265
Hi,
I’m really sorry you’ve been carrying so much on your own, especially after not finding the right therapist fit. That can be really discouraging.
I can understand the guilt you feel about drifting from old friends. Sometimes people grow in different directions, and that doesn’t necessarily make anyone a bad person. What matters is that you’ve found friendships where you feel more comfortable being yourself, and that’s really important.
I can also see why hearing about your exes would bring up a lot of emotions, especially because they were once part of your life. Processing all of that while trying to open up to someone new can feel overwhelming.
From what you described, it sounds like fear and self-doubt might be making you pull back a little with this new guy. When we’ve been hurt before, even healthy connections can feel scary. But you don’t have to become interesting enough to deserve someone’s attention. A good connection is usually built through comfort, honesty, and small conversations over time.
As for compatibility, I think that’s something you’ll understand gradually by paying attention to how you feel around him, not just through anxiety or fear, but through your own sense of peace and comfort too.
And honestly, if something or someone doesn’t feel right for you, you don’t have to force yourself to stay in it. Choosing your peace is never a bad thing. Sometimes trusting the process also means giving yourself patience and compassion while you figure things out.
Take care.
@honestOak4265
finding a good fit often takes time.
I think people make the mistake of trying to keep people in their lives past the time it works. While the idea of lifelong friend is romanticized by books and movies, real life we do move on. Friends IMO are there to help shape us and teach us. It is similar to do people stay in their very first job for their whole career ... some maybe but often we need to try other things until we find our path.
Sounds like you were shocked by the information about your EX but seldom do we know the rest of the story. sounds like he was afraid to commit.
As for the new guy you can contact again meet up and really assess IF this has any possibilities. chatting by text or calls should not feel like an interview but instead should be natural. Even in jobs what looks on paper as a perfect fit sometimes does not work out.
I was discussing dating with others lately and I think we do not find them be resume or such. if it worked that way I would most likely not be with my partner that has survived decades LOVE found me not me searching and it was NOT what I had pictured when I was looking lol
We do not owe it to our friend who set us up to pretend something is there.
@honestOak4265
Hey you went through a lot. Try to find a new therapist. Also talk to the new guy and tell him your worries. If he is a good person and cares for you he ll understand you and help you.
I m always here if you want a 1-1 chat so text me whenever.
Take care and be safe🫶🫂