I have to be better for others
I offer support. Pull myself thin for others because I'm convinced that if I can help others, then I'm useful or worthy.
Lately, I've been running on fumes, more like exhaust. I need support, but I'm the type of person that rejects it. Impossible for my partner to lend a hand if I keep pretending I'm okay.
I'm not okay. I'm really not okay. And if I continue to be not okay, I'll lose him.
@Smile4mepls I'm sorry sweetie it's really hard to ask for help sometimes, I think it's the same for many of us🙁 I also find myself in the same situation as you are now🙁 but you've got someone who loves you and is ok to ask for help, it's ok to open up 💖 even if you don't know what to say or where to start just admitting your not ok' is a step forward 💖 I really hope you open up to him, you deserve support to💖
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you for taking the time to comment. It means a lot.
I think my aversion to help stops me from seeing support around me.
Trying to be more open about it.
You deserve to take care of yourself. In a plane, the stewardess advises to put the oxygen mask on yourself first to give you the strength to help others. It is not a selfish act to practice self-care. It is okay to tell your partner that you need to rest and ask for some help from him sometimes. It will also keep you you from feeling resentment over his not carrying his load if that is the case. Wu sad h you the best.😊
*wish you the best
@azureAcres1605
That plane analogy speaks a lot.
How can I show my own support for my partner if I can't even do it myself. The last thing I want is my resentment to fester deeper and keep me from loving at all.
Thank you for your kind words.
You have to love yourself and realize it is your right to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life. You partner hopefully will appreciate your politely asking for help and it will benefit both of you if it keeps you from lashing out from resentment. Best wishes
😊
@Smile4mepls
Speak up tell your partner you are not Okay need a hand or support ....
taking care of yourself is a must.
I have never felt better then I do NOW when i set boundaries and put my well being over trying to be there for everyone else.
@toughTiger6481
It's really hard to set boundaries for myself but I'm doing it steadily.
But, I think I fear working on myself would mean shutting my partner out.
Because, traditional support doesn't really work for me. I'm jagged at this point and I feel immune. So when I want to help myself, I push others away . I guess it's something really intimate to me that keeps me from bonding further.
You're right though, and I'm glad you're in a better place.
Your post could be my own! I have those same issues! I have just recently started to find that the more communicative you are, the better, including about your fears. If you are able to talk to your partner about this, include those fears that you have, your partner may be better able to understand what you need and also understand that you are coming from a good place and are not trying to push him away. You can talk about the fear of losing him. It might actually help his perspective and help him to better understand what you need.
I'm going through some of this myself right now. This is only my second day here at 7 Cups, I think. But I understand what you are going through and you are not alone! I am starting to find that the more my wife and I talk about this, the more I am able to start to heal myself, which in turn helps me be there for her. The engine can't take that plane where it needs to go if it is out of fuel!
