Stuck- Need Legitimate Anger Control Methods
I have tried numerous things in attempts to control my anger outbursts. It’s effecting my marriage and I am to the point where I will literally try anything that I can to establish control over my emotions. I would try therapy- our current daycare bills make that next to impossible. Looking for any and all methods that have been legitimately effective and have provided real change for people.
@understandingHickory1797
Hi. My apologies for your situation.
While I don't mean to be ignorant, I'll suggest to pick up a book on anger management. Just a few quick reviews online can give you some feedback, then you simply get one or two of them.
They should cost less than therapy, so good luck!
@understandingHickory1797
I had past issues and times in life with anger and outbursts. I feel most people can get down to the core causes with self-reflection on what is happening before an outburst. Therapy is not a cure all but just a person listening and sometimes if they are good and ask the right questions get you to see a point we dismissed as an issue. If not, so good- they try to tell you how to feel about things. which in my case just made me angry. When frustrated it is hard to find a good fit in therapy. Which IMO is essential. I went thru 4 before finding a helpful one.
Journaling or what I call self-therapy has helped me. My self-therapy is just as it sounds find space in car driving or taking a walk and talk out loud like you are explaining it to someone you never met.
My anger was not an overreaction to whatever was the final trigger moment was but buildup of various stresses. My big issues were feeling like parts of my life where I HAVE to do things instead of things I wanted or were willing to do. Often, I also got little or no help. So, when I asked for help and got push back, I exploded.
Example spouse went grocery shopping with me. He KNEW exactly what we had bought and yet when I asked for dinner ideas his list of possible options were ALL items we do not have. His laugh and playing he was forgetful from 20 minutes ago was NOT funny or acceptable. I can feel anger coming up. So after saying "why did you not speak up at store?" He response was "I was not paying attention let's go get pizza" I was about at limit we had NO money for pizza and items we bought to cook but somehow that was my issue instead of a family issue.... now all kids were yelling "pizza" and I was somehow supposed to come up with invisible money to solve this. I got in my car are drove away sat at a park until bedtime yelling to myself, I married a complete IDIOT.
HIs having to see no way to get pizza and cooking something kids would not touch and having cereal for dinner showed him paying attention and thinking before saying pizza in front of little kids MATTERS. I was still mad that I had to teach him or show him what I do every day the hard way. I wanted a partner not an extra kid.
Now years later some outbursts, one of my kids thinks it is a classic family story, but it is not funny to me. Mainly because even after so many years they think I was mad about (pizza) not all the stuff happening at the moment. Most was just being overloaded, and one more small item was just too much.
Hope you can laugh at my story and see you are not alone. This was a silly one but had serious issues too. We are tired and trying to juggle work and family and, in my case, doing both parents jobs and sometimes it is too much. outbursts to me were more acceptable then how others dealt with it like drinking etc.
@understandingHickory1797
I think my first thought would be - what triggers your angry outburst?
Most of the time I feel that when we yell or get upset it's because we're not feeling heard or understood. Sometimes we're triggered by something someone says that brings up a buried hurt from the past. And sometimes we are just burned out and there's nothing left in the tank, so to speak, except to scream.
What happens when you have an outburst? What starts it?
