Always feeling like I
I feel like I've always been this socially anxious and quiet girl to new people. It takes me exceptionally long to make friends and can never open up to the fullest. I've recently started uni and I really wanted to change and be more open but I've just finished my first year and have come out with 0 friends. I have talked to a few people but I wouldn't necessarily call them friends, more like another person to follow on social media ygm. Everyone says join clubs and I've tried but as soon as I enter the room, I just have this feeling that everyone hates me. This sounds so dramatic and I just feel like no one really wants to talk to me and there's so many more interesting people in the room. I do have a stutter in certain situations and sometimes this puts me back from just talking about everything Cos I have to watch what I'm saying.
I just wanted to ask how can I take this feeling of not being wanted and how can I stop seeing this negative image of myself. I want to be able to make actual friends, instead of just having boring small talk with everyone.
I don't even know if any of this is making sense haha
@helloidek
I go through this. It used to be soojo bad. not it's bad. For me is a mixture of social anxiety/paranoia/delusional thinking. I say delusional thinking because I can't read the minds of other people. I dont know if they dont like or want me. I dont know if their reactions are personal..I just don't know. I would suggest looking into finding out who you truly are and looking into thinking errors and cognitive distortions.
@RealTree3
thanks for your reply,
and yeh I feel the same. I just seem to overthink everything and then blame myself at the end of the day. Like I want to get to know these new people but there is always a voice in my head saying 'they probs don't want to get to know you' 'you are probably really boring to them' 'They'd be better off if you weren't trying to force a conversation'
@helloidek
you dont know what these people are going through. They reactions could be because they are going through something person or are afraid to meet new people. Awareness and Self-awareness will be an excellent treatment for this too.
@RealTree3
yeah you maybe right. Maybe someone I've met is going through the same thing as me but i just read it off differently
@helloidek I used to be very much like this too. As far as conversations go you don't need to talk so much as ask questions about the person you're talking to. Show interest. I know it's hard. In school it's easier because you have people there and your class to talk about. That helped me a lot. You are sending out hey don't like me vibes to people as a protection I did too. You can conquer this.
@selfconfidentMelon5824
thank you!
I'd definitely try that. :)
At times I literally have nothing to say or ask. It's like my brain just goes on shut down and never know how to make the convo interesting.
I feel like some people are just really good at talking to all types of people, and that's really hard for me
I have felt like this both from a shy perspective and the opposite and I agree with the answers I've read. People love to talk about themselves; a chemical is released that makes them feel good...oxytocin? https://www.happyfeed.co/research/4-brain-chemicals-make-you-happy
First things first. You need to love yourself before others can. 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, heard that about a million times!' How does that work??? That seems so stupid and what people say, but it's true. The more we love ourselves (starts with self care) the more confident we are thus the more interesting we will be to others. Confidence is very attractive - like a magnet - and has nothing to do with looks or status or race or gender or sexual orientation. It's this invisible thing that people pick up on, usually unconsciously. "Oh she loves herself, she must be awesome, I need to get to know her!"
@Imsooverit
ah thank youuu
And yes self confidence is something I'm really lacking. Hopefully I learn to love myself more. Thank you so much for your reply
I think a certain book will help you dramatically but give it a chance ill qoute from it "The enemy uses our natural dread of rejection and disapproval by other people."
You have a failed belief system cause by (our) mentalities of principalities.
search inside yourself and wonder...what do I believe? Then wonder is what I believe the truth, or just something I've learned from somewhere unhealthy and poisonous.
@RealTree3
thank you so much. Can I get the name of the book please? I think it would really help :)
@helloidek
This should help you a lot, don't be discouraged by the title but it helped me a lot and will and has help many others
@helloidekI
I get you I'm going through the same thing I always feel like I'm no good and like someone who hangs around me isis only around me only because there is no one else basically I feel like I'm always the second best or no one choice at all. I'm never open with anyone and I barely have people i call friends except for just 1 girl she's like my best friend by label but we barely speak amd she doesn't really know me I feel like i don't even know me. it's not that I don't want to open up it's just i always feel like they are going to use whatever i say against me
@enthusiasticStrawberries3586
ah I completely relate with this.
I also have one really close friends but even then I feel like I'm always bothering her. She's also close with other people so I do have a slight feeling of being second best. Even when I do slightly open up to her, I regret it afterwards. I don't even know why I feel this way.
My feeling of loneliness and anxiety gets worse after seeing people from school making all these news friends in uni and I wish I could relate but the sad reality is that I can't
@helloidek
what sucks the most is when you have good news and you really wanna tell someone but you just feel like no one really cares. I remeber earlier in the year we had just received our senior year results and I had done really well and I told my cousin and she started posting on her stories how it was a great day for me and that no one should bother me and other nice stuff, my sister saw it and she was like she doesn't get why my cousin was making a big deal of it its not like i had passed very well that really broke my heart she had made my achievement seem small and made me feel bad for even celebrating it. now i just don't tell my good news I
@enthusiasticStrawberries3586
okay first of all, seriously congratulations! You should be so proud of your accomplishments even if others don't recognise it. You know how hard you worked for that and you should be proud. I had a similar experience with my dad. I was super proud of my exam results and he didn't really seem that bothered and didn't think it was good enough. His 'good enough' always seems to be near to full marks. It really brought me down but I know all those nights I spent doing work and how hard I tried. And I was able to accomplish something great and that is all that matters.
We need do be our own biggest cheerleaders. I send you all the love
@helloidek
You're right I just like having someone to celebrate my achievements with
@enthusiasticStrawberries3586
yeah I understand. But at least you had your cousin who seemed to be very proud!
@helloidek
You're right I do
@helloidekI
I get you I'm going through the same thing I always feel like I'm no good and like someone who hangs around me isis only around me only because there is no one else basically I feel like I'm always the second best or no ones choice at all. I'm never open with anyone and I barely have people i call friends except for just 1 girl she's like my best friend by label but we barely speak amd she doesn't really know me I feel like i don't even know me. it's not that I don't want to open up it's just i always feel like they are going to use whatever i say against me
@helloidek
You just did not find the right people...
I like that you reached out, without reaching out, you never find...
@TheLastSoulBender
hopefully I find the right people one day
@helloidek Reading this post actually reminds me of my sister alot. She struggles with the same things you do. My advice to you is to keep trying and remain open. Don't give up. Eventually you'll find like-minded people to become friends with.
@ilovepopcornalot
Indeed, good advice...
@ilovepopcornalot
thank you for your reply,,
and yeh you're right, I've just gotta keep positive, no matter how hard it gets
Hi. I've always been a strong person, there for other people, but now I'm realizing I need to take care of myself, and one of the ways I need to do that is making friends. I'm an Army brat, so in some ways I'm good at new situations, but on a personal level, I suck! I'm shy but my overcoming technique is to "act" like I'm ok, how can I help you? But I'm not ok, anymore. I need help, but I can't just ask people to be my friend, I need to develop an air of confidence that attracts people to me. This takes practice, and coming onto this site is my first step. I understand how you must be feeling.
@ConfidencePlus
thanks for your reply
it's reassuring that I'm not the only one feeling this way and is having a hard time making friends. What I've learnt from this app is to be confident in yourself and your personality, even if that means 'fake it till you make it'.
I know we can overcome this
