Anxiety Being Alone

Hello @rene9250. Breakups are hard are their own without a pandemic causing additional stress and strain on our mental health. I'm sorry that this is happening now of all times and you're struggling with the changes. I remember how hard it was for me to sit down and do something like watch a movie after my ex broke up with me. I would put something on but I never paid attention. I spent my days just crying until I fell asleep and wake up to do it again. Basically I was a mess! It sounds like you are already doing better than I did and I think that's absolutely amazing of you! You might not be ready to sit down and relax right but you are still moving around and staying active. The reason watching tv or reading sound impossible at the moment is because you are afraid to let your mind wander. Sitting down and relaxing gives your mind the opportunity to think of your ex and to think of the things you miss.

Firstly I want to address the panic attacks. Because expereince has told me that they are the worst part of all of this. If you're struggling with panic attacks, try to control your breathing when the panic first sets in. when we panic, we breath fast and shallow and it signals to the body that something is wrong. So instead of yelling at yourself to calm down, just focus on your breath. Try to inhale a looooooong, deeeeep breath. Hold it.... and release it in an equally slow manner. I find it helpful to have animations on my phone to control my breathing. When I do it on my own, I feel like I'm going slow and it turns out I'm really not going as slowly as I should be to come down from an attack. Watching something like this helps:

Another fast way to deal with panic attacks is to shock the system. When I was suffering from frequent panic attacks someone told me to take a COLD shower, plunge my face into cold water or even splashing myself repeatedly. Problem was that my attacks usually occured on campus so I never really gave this method a fair try. But since you're home, this might be really helpful. The logic behind it is that you will be so concerned about the temperature of the water that you won't be able to focus on your train of thought that led to the panic attack. Basically you cut the train of thought off before you start spiraling.

One last strategy that I want to share is finding alternative ways to expel the nervous energy. One person told me that screaming at the top of their lungs really made them feel better when they felt an attack coming on. Because panic attacks often make us feel like we're not in control, they argued that screaming and getting angry allowed them to still have some control or authority over the negative feelings. Again, my attacks happened on a college campus so I didn't give this strategy a shot. But I would argue that the energy can be expelled with other forms of agression to folow this person's logic. Stomping your feet, pretending you are kickboxing (punches and kicks) might be what you need for the situation.

Now to go back to the bulk of your post: the emotions involved in a breakup. I know that lonliness all to well. I didn't go through a break up as recently as you but I still have these thoughts of wanting to go back. Like your ex did with you, my ex helped me through a lot of dark moments in my own life. He was such a strong symbol of support in my life that all I could think about when I was dealing with the break up, was that he would know how to make me feel better. It's nice to have that support in the relationship but it's hard to lose that support when it ends. There are conflicting emotions of wanting that person to comfort you because you feel terrible but an understanding that you feel terrible in that moment BECAUSE of them.

I can sympathize with those feelings and I think I have survived the worst of the breakup. Much like the oh too common advice, it got better with time for me. I have no doubt that it will for you too. I just wish I had more to offer you now. I can start by saying if you feel like you need to talk to someone (or more specifically you feel like you need to talk to your ex) feel free to talk to me. This is something I went through recently. It's something I am still dealing with. I am more than happy to talk things through with you. Would you want to tell me more about what happened?

@rene9250 I know somewhat how you feel. I haven't had a breakup or even a romantic relationship before, but I understand feeling alone. I've lost many friends before under lots of different circumstances, but none of them have been good. I know what it's like to feel like that one person you could count on is gone. But you have to trust that things happen for a reason. You'll get through this. Be grateful for the relationships you have. Leave the old one with love, thinking about all of the joy and good memories it's brought you. Stay in touch with others via social media and messaging.

I don't know if this helps, but I hope so

:)

@rene9250 it's always hard going through a breakup especially after they help you through so many hard thoughts and feelings. I'd imagine it might feel like you can't get through it alone after they helped you so much, but just know that although people on here can't be there in person we're all right here ready to listen and talk. We've all gone through our own hardships and come out stronger in the end with a better sense of what we need to help ourselves feel better. Everything is going to be okay, we're here to listen :)

@rene9250 try writing a no-send letter to him!

@rene9250 im going through relationship stuff as well and i know how hard it is. the best you can do is keep your head high and try to remeber how awesome you are. you are loved and its ok that this relationship didnt last. you will find that special someone someday