I feel so alone for the past months, and I'm so used to it that I most likely prefer things this way.

@Xhaune

I think the benefits of having friends far outweighs the risks.

It's not always easy when we connect with people and then they just drift off.

But we are not meant to go through things alone.

And it's about embracing every opportunity of happiness no matter how fleeting 💕💜

Hi there, just read your comment and found it to be familiar to my experience too.

In my opinion, humans are fundamentally Social animals so, we can't live alone, without anyone else. That's simply impossible. So, the desire for a deep connection and love is normal and Truly natural. Don't consider that as bad or unhealthy.

In this age of internet, loonliness has become an epidemic of sorts. So, we have surge of such mental issues. But, it's natural to experience this in this day and age.

Don't feel depressed about yourself.

It's Ok to make new friends, it's Ok to talk to people. Just learn to slowly control yourself regarding how open and close you should be to someone. Don't open your heart to every joe and Kevin.

It feels lonely when your friends leave, but life is all about this. People come and go. Just cherish good moments. Don't overthink things.

Perhaps try new hobbies. That might get your mind out of it.

Stay blessed.

@Xhaune

I can feel so much thought and emotion in what you’ve shared — you’ve clearly spent a lot of time sitting with your feelings, trying to understand them, and that takes a lot of courage. What you’re describing isn’t strange or weak — it’s actually something that happens when someone has felt deep connection and deep loss, and their heart doesn’t know how to trust safety again. You’ve been through the warmth of closeness and the ache of separation — and your mind has learned to protect you by saying, “Maybe it’s safer not to care.”

But here’s the thing — what you’re feeling right now, this loneliness that has started to feel like your comfort zone, isn’t a sign that you truly prefer isolation. It’s more like your heart has built walls around itself to avoid getting hurt again. When we’ve been burned by love, care, or friendship, the quiet feels like safety, but over time, it also starts to feel like a slow kind of hurting — the kind that drains us without us realizing it.

You said something really important: “It’s like I want to have friends once again, but I just don’t want to.” That confusion — that tug-of-war inside you — is your heart saying two things at once:

“I’m tired of being alone,”
and “I’m scared of being hurt.”

Both of those are valid. You’re not broken for feeling both. You’re just protecting something very precious — your ability to care deeply. You haven’t lost it. You’ve just hidden it for now because it hurts too much to let it out again.

And about your question — can you survive this mental health battle alone?
Maybe for a while, yes. You can survive. You’ve proven that already — look at how self-aware you are, how you can articulate your pain so clearly. But healing and living fully? That’s much harder to do alone. Because the human heart isn’t built to stay isolated forever — it needs touchpoints of warmth, of being seen and understood.

But here’s something important: connection doesn’t have to mean throwing yourself back into friendships with full trust right away. Healing connection can start small.

• Sitting beside someone in class and talking about something neutral.
• Messaging an old friend just to say you were thinking of them.
• Joining a small club or group that doesn’t require deep vulnerability at first.

Each tiny act of safe connection teaches your brain: “Not everyone leaves. Not everyone hurts me.”
That’s how you rebuild trust slowly — not all at once.

You also mentioned that sometimes you think about doing “something stupid again.” That’s a heavy line — and I want to say this as gently as possible: please don’t carry those thoughts in silence. You don’t deserve to be alone with them. Reaching out — even to a stranger on a helpline — isn’t weakness; it’s a way of saying, “I still have hope that someone will care.”

If you ever reach that point again, you can talk to someone right away — completely anonymously — through findahelpline.com (they’ll connect you with free, local support in your country). You can even message someone online if speaking feels too hard.

You don’t have to choose between being completely alone or being completely attached. There’s a middle ground — one where you learn that you can let people in without losing yourself. It takes time, but it’s possible.

Your heart’s not broken beyond repair, Xhaune — it’s just protecting itself from what it remembers. And that’s okay. Just keep giving it small, gentle reasons to trust again. One safe moment at a time.

You don’t need to be “fully healed” to deserve connection. You just need to stay open to the idea that life can still surprise you — with kindness, with new bonds, with peace.

it sounds like you’ve been through so much. losing deep connections is stressful. and trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again is stressful too. wanting but fearing closeness is exhausting. it’s completely understandable to feel torn.

but! people come and go. history doesn't always repeat itself, and even if it does this time, you'll never know until you experience it!

@Xhaune

I appreciate you being so honest and forthright about your feelings. It takes a lot of bravery to discuss these difficulties, and I want you to know that you're not the only one who feels this way—many individuals have similar feelings when it comes to building relationships and adjusting to change or loss.
It makes perfect sense to feel depressed and empty after losing close friends who have helped you. Missing those connections demonstrates how important they were to you. However, it's normal to be reluctant to make new acquaintances if you're worried about going through that suffering once more. Many people sense both a desire and a fear of connection, particularly following traumatic events. You questioned whether you could fight for your mental health by yourself. It can be overwhelming to suppress your emotions, but talking to a trusted person or getting counseling could offer support and direction. Small steps could be beneficial: remember that it's acceptable to create limits to safeguard your wellbeing and let yourself engage with people at your own speed.