I have selective mutism and social anxiety disorder
Even writing here under an anonymous username makes me anxious.. Hope I’m in the right place!
I’m an adult with selective mutism and social anxiety disorder. I was in my late teens when I was diagnosed. I’m unable to communicate well in any form; group settings, one-on-one, on a call, and yes, writing is all too much for me. Maybe from disuse, but I’m now unable to articulate my thoughts effectively. My vocab feels limited and, when I write, I’m either short or long-winded. It caused me to drop out of high school. It’s crippling. I try my best to be sociable when spoken to and pretend this doesn’t affect me, but it’s very evident. 9/10 times people assume I don’t understand because of how little I talk and how much help I need in social situations. I myself don’t feel like I have a good grasp on so many things. I’m easily confused when trying to battle my anxiety and deal with something. But I am able to learn. It makes me feel childish and I feel I’m very low-functioning, which is a challenge because I have no one to rely on (despite being under guardianship—possibly a whole other story) and need to work to support myself. By some miracle, and I’m sooo thankful for this, I do have a part-time job. They pride themselves on being inclusive and progressive. I started with volunteering and they wanted to hire me. However, I’m asked repeatedly to communication more, but it doesn’t seem I’m able to. I worry I could lose my job. I haven’t had friends or therapy in YEARS. Therapists have actually refused to see me because of my inability to talk.. So that’s what brought me here.
I’m hoping to ease some of this anxiety and learn some skills to help me communicate/connect with people. Maybe make some friends, who knows! Please be understanding if I take forever to reply. That’s part of what I’m struggling with.
@shyBlueberry4310
HI Blueberry!
I think I also have social anxiety. Never diagnosed. I am high functioning majority of the time. I like to be a hermit or over worked though. I think I do have a glance of what you’re going through. Times when I want to say something but I couldn’t properly words or wouldn’t bring myself to say or do it. When I go to college, people always parading the quote “ get out of your comfort zone.” I tried and it was a big fail because I didn’t like it and it was making me feel bad. I do better one to one. I can masked my anxiety better that way. I hate public speaking and tend to just do worst each years. So that’s why I quit my job at my County. Customer interactions and team work communication + program policy regulations make up the work 99% of the time.
I am happy you have a part-time job! That’s a feast to maintain with your level of social anxiety. My sister is also very quiet in social setting that I worry a lot for her.
If your employer is asking for you to communicate more, let them know you will work on it. May I ask, what you do at work?
You may also want to go back and see a therapist. It is very strange that therapists are refusing to see you. However, I can see why because the system is highly regulated and they can’t spend too much time with one patient. You may to have shop around and see which place will take you. Is there a mental behavioral department in your town? I think by social service policy, they will have to help you as long as you show up to all your appointment. You may even want to work on a journal, write your thoughts and questions down and take it to the therapy session. You don’t have to read it, just give it to your therapist.
You can even practice by having a daily journal too.
I have heard about online therapy where you can communicate with your therapy by writing or journal. Whatever you’re comfort with. I had tried it before. I would write a journal for the day and then when I had my call session with the therapist we will talk about it. If you are on Medicaid/Medi-care, this will be difficult as last time I heard online therapy isn’t covered. However, some site do offers discount. The one I had used, I was given a discount based off my income.
I am not a listener but if you wanna practice you can always @ and type my display name there on your public post and I will read them when the system notify me.
Thank you for taking the time and effort to write this post.
Peace and light.
@shyBlueberry4310 It sounds like you're quiet in social settings because you're worried you'll be judged if you speak up. This resource might be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/social-anxiety/ I think you write well and communicate your feelings clearly. Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk more about this. I'm okay with time delays. I hope you overcome this communication barrier and feel comfortable expressing yourself so that the people around you can hear, understand, and appreciate your thoughts.
@shyBlueberry4310
Don't give up! Your story and efforts are very inspiring. :)