My boyfriend doesn't get my anxiety and it makes me worse
Hey there, I love my boyfriend. Ill start off with that. But I don't think he understands my anxiety and to be honest, it's getting worse.
I am getting very depressed and I know I should be on medication - but I can't. I was in hospital 5 months ago and since then I have had constant infections due to antibiotics and medicine, and now I can't even take my skin tablets to fight my acne (shit one.) So I'm really not dealing with being ill all the time well. It doesn't help that it affects my sex life and makes me feel abnormal and upset. So all these bottled up emotions ended up spilling.
My boyfriend "doesn't date." He had a bad relationship three years ago and since then has just messed around with girls, so I am delighted he asked me out four months ago and since we've been great friends for a year first, I feel comfortable with him. However he isn't good at emotions or sharing them, so I fake being happy a lot of the time. However all my recent stress built up and I accidentally burst into tears when I was with him at his house.
He tried consoling me and then things got awkward and I got guilty and I apologized too much and he started ignoring me and went on his phone... you get the picture, it went shit and I felt even worse for trying to open up at all. It was so awkward his mum tried cheering me up as I left. Next thing I know he's messaging less, going out clubbing and drinking without telling me, even though he "hates town", and I'm left feeling an awful anxious mess at home. I'm so unhappy at the distance that suddenly appeared that I can't do my college work. I've tried for the past six hours, and I've written 3 lines out of the 1,500 words that are due. It's now 3am. I really am struggling with my anxiety and how he reacts to it. And college is important to me but I lack all motivation.
Please send advice.
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. It must be really tough to deal with all of this and feel that you have to bottle up your emotions around your boyfriend.
I think if possible, it might be important for the two of you to find a time to talk about your mental health issues and what you need from him. At the same time, it's really important you take care of yourself too, so while trying to find ways to talk with your boyfriend about your struggles, you should also try and engage in self-care, if you can, as well as seek out other support systems. Do you have friends, family, and/or a doctor or therapist you can turn to for support and advice?
As for right now, college is certainly important and I respect your dedication to your work, but I personally think your health (both mental and physical) is of the utmost importance right now. Take a break. Can you maybe call a friend or relative or talk to a friend or relative in person about how you're feeling? Take a bath. Drink herbal tea. Listen to relaxing music. Try one of the mindfulness exercises on 7 cups. And of course, feel free to connect directly with one of the many amazing listeners here on 7 cups who would be more than happy to talk with you.
This is a safe space, and you can speak whatever is on your mind. No need to bottle any emotions, okay?
Hugs to you <3
Hi @calmSpruce3023,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It hurts and is most difficult when those closest to you and you care for and love deeply are the ones who fail to understand what we go through. You must be feeling so unheard and misunderstood when he ignores you and is not transparent with his whereabouts and activities. Above all this, you may be facing academic pressure at college. This is a tough patch that you are going through but soon things will get better. Would you like help sorting out feelings by talking things through? if yes, i'd love to connect with you one-on-one. I am not trained to give advice but I can listen and empathize with you. If you are feeling like you need expert guidance, then I’d recommend talking with a therapist here (https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/).
