Not so good anymore
I was doing well for a while. Between things shutting down again due to skyrocketing covid cases, cold weather starting, household projects that had to happen but no where near what we actually needed to do (couldn't because of multiple aspects of the pandemic), destruction of my personal property as well as feeling constantly intruded on. I feel like I am losing myself and I hate my family an living with them. Obviously I love them, but they are always taking and breaking my things to the point where I don't have anything of my own that is just left the way I want it or available to use when I'm ready for it. My son is such a little sneak, he's not doing what he's supposed to during virtual school so I had to move him back out to the common area if the house. I just hate everything right now! I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to live alone! I've even told my husband this. I told him they are breaking me lol. I just want to hibernate so I don't do/say anything regrettable. (I don't really mean suicide I just mean anything over the top and petty; breaking my son's stuff in front of him "so he sees how it feels" etc.) I have already threatened to leave or kick anyone out of the house if they ever do certain disgusting things EVER again (not getting into what it was, they know, I was very clear about it with them)
@SnappyTurtlegirl
Hey, I feel you. I have a toddler who is reaching her "Terrific Two's" I feel like I can't get a break during my break.
It seems like you need more alone time. Is your husband willing to supervise your son while you take a sip of tea (or whatever you need to do to relax)? Does your son have "nap time" when you can also take a nap?
I hope that you and your husband can work out a plan or tag team in supervising the "little sneak".
@friendlySkies6250 my son is 9 so there's no naps anymore. It's his actual school work and class time that he's not doing and I would have to literally sit through his 4th grade class with him to prevent that. Last week I had to fix our fence when it was knocked down in high wind so I messaged his teacher but I know he's behind and just not paying attention at all anymore. Sigh.
@SnappyTurtlegirl
Thank you for clarifying. I can't relate right now, but men, this parenting gig sounds like it's going to be more stressful!
It sounds like you've come so far (with him being 9) -you must be doing something right! I honestly don't know how you do it; must be the grace of God.
@SnappyTurtlegirl I can hear you and your fustrations. I understand how you must feel with your emotions driving you crazy. You can't blame yourself feeling the way you do. If your friend told you this what would you say? Exactly. Not there fault.
You said you spoken to everyone in the family including your husband. It's good you got your feelings across and we're direct. You already done the first thing. Your already making progress.
Right now any situation is hard living with anyone. This pandemic has made everything worse. Idon't know how you feel about it but it doesn't get better.
I know we're hearing positive news about there could be a cure and the virus going. It just makes us still feel nervous about the unknown. I guess right now you wanna be know your family is safe and your doing what you can to.
Even that your situation isn't ideal right now it's finding a way to cope working alongside your family and finding a way to get on. You don't sound like you do need any help with this it's getting through the dark moments and think about the good moments in future.
I know it's not easy. Nothing is but if you could ask for a bit of support from the family and get your husband to work with you giving you the one on one support you need your environment might change and your feel things become bit easier but thinking of a plan and setting up some house rules. Making sure your getting the help you need and everyone steps up is what it takes and your doing that already and that's good.
Stay positive and remember you got support there cuz you can use it. Your not alone and we're here. Can talk to us anytime.
Here for you
@TreaureSeekers3 my husband works 6 days a week right now so he's just not here during the school week. He understands why I need the things I do but it's not his forte to just up and do what needs to be done around the house. He's willing to help but I still have to do all the "emotional lifting" of telling him what to do and even to stay engaged in our son and me. He comes from a family that is terrible about it so he doesn't have the background there.
@SnappyTurtlegirl I understand that must be difficult and for your husband to not be able to be around as much as he wants. Which I understand is difficult for him to as he wants to help to support you as much as he can and for the kids.
It's still isn't fair you to do all the emotional work looking after the kids keeping everything running smoothly meeting everyone's needs and putting yours aside and doing everything for everyone else and being taken advantage of. That's why asking for a bit of help as said before around the house with kids would help. Your needs need to be meet to and that is something you should be allowed like anyone.
You need to take good care of yourself. If time is a problem you can maybe do yourself with a self care tools box where you can put something in the box to know you can use it when you want it where you have time or go back to.
If it's a note to yourself, a reminder to put your feet up or treat yourself. Anything like a bath to have where you can have five ot so minutes in can make you feel that you are being kind to yourself as you need to. Your doing so much for anyone so why not.
Whatever will help and get your through the good times and bad it's important to look after your mental health and that's stress and anxiety too.
if you need someone to talk to or get support can always come here or use the forums and the self help guides on family and support. Relationships and people able to help then.
You can try making other post to if it helps get more support.
Hope that helps ok
So, after a big fight with my husband I've been feeling horrible. I felt like my world was shaken and broken because of something he said. Even though it was harsh I made sure that he explained himself but even that, I had to ask all the questions to get him to answer. The thing is, it still came back around to the fact that I communicate everything that I can while he avoids. He was feeling like I attack him a lot so I just asked, what am I supposed to do when I've asked and talked about what I need personally and about what needs to be accomplished around the house? In the end, he has agreed to see a doctor and get on an antidepressant. I've explained that he quite simply might be trying to work without all the tools he needs. He doesn't feel happy so how can he contribute and connect to us? He's finally willing to accept that type of help! I'm still worried about us but at least it's a step in the right direction and it means something he will be taking responsibility for. We also decided that he needs to set his own reminders in his phone for things that need to be done around the house.
@SnappyTurtlegirl
Yours sounds like a very difficult situation, and kudos to you for holding out and working towards a solution. I'm glad you got you're husband to see a doctor. That definitely is a step in the right direction.
I really hope that you don't feel bad at all for feeling like you needing the space that you spoke of earlier. People have needs, and so do you... and you cannot pour from an empty cup.
I really feel for you. You're strong girl!
