Started putting up boundaries and i feel anxious
I’m a people pleaser to the point where i’ll put up with being miserable as long as I don’t have to deal with angry reactions. But i have reached my limit especially with the current situation i have with a roommate. I have done everything this girl has asked under the guise of what i thought was friendship but i’ve reached my limit. We both live here but she always issuing orders or telling me to pay for stuff that she and her boyfriend buy and don’t tell me until after the fact and i’m getting sick of it. So i finally reached my limit and told her in a text (she’s asleep) in a direct but a non-aggressive way that i feel this is unfair. I’m not used to standing up for myself so i feel almost sort of sick (i have GAD). Is it supposed to feel like this if you’ve always been silent? Honesty feel like a pressure cooker rn but saying something is letting the steam out a lil. Idk anything anymore.
@Planisphere102
yes when you stand up especially after always being a people pleaser the reaction you mentioned happens ....... some get nervous as to did we word an item right ? will they be upset? etc...
Know that she most likely sees your people pleasing as something she can use...she may try to justify so be ready to at least discuss your position..... the more you stand up for yourself it gets easier and easier.
Like it has been building for at least two years and there have been times where i have tried make an attempt to stand my ground but i got dismissed and ganged up on with her boyfriend. But i help pay bills here so i deserve to say something at least! But i’m really not looking forward to what she’ll say when she wakes up bc i’ll get some text from her and her bf in an attempt to *** me down like the last couple of times. My therapist suggested i make a list of what i’m angry about and i feel my emotions are valid with what has happened, but actually having a discussion or confrontation is where i sort of drop the ball. I’m weak until it gets to a point where i explode and i don’t want to snap but it’s getting there….
@Planisphere102
All you describe is understandable and IMO faced by many ...... they work for you to back down .....but you have concerns and you should NOT be paying for their stuff period....
if BF just stays there or does he pay too because if he does not pay he has not vote or interest in discussion.....
I know it is scary and seems easier to just back down all the time but once you do it successfully you will NOT look back and let others push you around..
He doesn’t pay the bills but he’s over 24/7! Kinda funny bc she did the same thing with her last bf as well (literally two years ago as well). Unfortunately his name is on the lease which i said i didnt agree with at the time at all and i told her various times how uncomfortable i felt but she put it down. It was supposed to be our lil pad or whatever but i got dismissed/ignored. I pay my half and have been paying but not it seems like they are playing house. Meanwhile her cats scratched up my couch and when i said something all she presented was an amazon link for a scratch protector that i was supposed to buy myself………like i can’t keep swallowing this stuff down. I’m tired of feeling guilty for being angry.
@Planisphere102
there is no reason to be guilty about being angry ..... his name on lease bills should be split 3 ways not 2 ....... how long is the lease ? if it comes to renew tell her you will be paying 1/3 or moving and he can pay the half she is not...
this is VERY common when a roommate brings in a BF or GF.
You got this..... like anything standing and debate takes practice... and it is a good life skill IMO.
Honestly the lease is up this october which was why i was trying so hard to bite my tongue bc i thought “ well i got a few more months of this bs” but it’s gotten so bad lately that I can’t deal with it any longer. The man will have his food items everywhere and i’m starting to wonder if he even still has his old place…it’s getting very odd……he even n has a suitcase here that he brought with him a week ago……???
most likely he just moved in completely but in that case .. really the moment she put him on lease he should be paying....
i know it sounds like make it to October but realistically this something taht if you bite your tongue you will regret that you did not make a stand later,
