Talking to people on the phone is so scary

Good afternoon everyone.

I just got off the phone with my advisor to talk about this upcoming semester and the following semester, just to get that all squared away and sorted out. And I also talked to a potential supervisor over the phone to discuss an internship opportunity.

Needless to say, it’s SUPER stressful. I can handle a phone conversation with people I know well, or with customer service, but when it comes to people of higher authority and in charge of me? Nerve-wracking. I couldn’t find my words nearly as well, and I felt like I was struggling with just clearly expressing my thoughts in words. I felt like a jumbled mess trying to organize what I wanted to say.

Both of them were very understanding and helpful to me, and I could tell that they just focused on being on the same page as me and giving me a sense of direction. But once I got off the phone, there was this huge wave of self-deprecation washing over me. My mind instantly went to how the situation I’m in made me look irresponsible, how they probably have a more negative view of me after having talked to me because of what we needed to talk about, how they probably see me as awkward and lazy and disorganized, etc.

I’ve struggled with self-esteem for what seems like my whole life, so I wouldn’t doubt that it ties in with this. I’ve recently been trying to work on improving it and my self-confidence so that I don’t feel this way, as well as my verbal communication skills so that I can find my words a little better. But it’s difficult, and it’s painful, and I’ve got a long way to go before I get there.

I don’t really know what to do at this point, other than just keep going and hope something somewhere in me improves. I guess, if you have anything that’s helped you out with self-esteem/confidence, verbal communication, and trying to get rid of “mind reading” (assuming people’s judgments about you), that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading, and wish me luck - I have an interview with the internship person next week!