What to do when you don
Hi I just moved to a new rural town from a big city. I literally never had family or friends to begin with and now I feel extra alone here. I don't know how to find connections with people (who I can tolerate) and I feel so out of place here. I have no one to talk to and I feel very lonely but I also have a hard time asking for help. I feel very uncomfortable doing this but I figure it's better than doing nothing. It's been a year and a half since living here and I still feel more alone than ever before
@Disney4ever
Hello,
Im so so sorry you been feeling lonely. Im not sure what the answer is. If i asked you your same questions under the same circumstances...what would you recomend for me to do?
Thank you, i am alone too
@TartRipeApples hi thank you for reaching out. I am sorry you are feeling this way too :( Hmmm I would recommend finding a hobby to join to make friends in. I tell that to myself all the time but I feel so anxious and socially unaccepted that its hard for me to go out of my comfort zone and try new things. Thats why I joined this app so I could get words of encouragement from other people
Hi @Disney4ever,
I've never trusted websites to help me meet more people, but maybe i need to overcome this fear i have, or my trust issues. But no matter what, when ever im around people i start feeling like the strongest personalities zero in on me in an attempt to look like they care, then comes all the awkward advice and im enclined to try to explain how their possibly well meaning advice are things ive tried already. On the surface their advice may sound valid, but for me, (the person that has actually experienced the disfunction of the social services) most people have no idea that most of the help out their doesnt address the key help people desperately need. Im given food bur i have food, i dont have clothes. I havent been able to buy any clothes in 6 years, so my selfesteem is very low. When you dont have money for gas, its not good advice when people tell you to "just go here, or there" I cannot waste my very limited resources or id be unable to use them to keep my basic needs ensured. It took just over 1 year to get a phone, on my last appointment for the human resource team my appointment had been cancelled due to the passing of the mother of who i needed to see, i said oh im sorry, but remember clearly her mom supposedly passed at Christmas one year ago when that appointment was cancelled. The people in key positions dont even seem to understand how crucial our lives can teater on not wasting a round trip drive during very hard times. Im disabled living on low income ssd and my rent is 80% of my total monthly income. The stress is enough to force me often to almost give up. Ive offered to give some of my time to volunteer but they have their million unknown reasons why im not contacted in time. So im isolated, struggling, and holding on by a thread to keep hope alive. Its very sad how many like me, or in harsher conditions go without real help while the leaders are in the spotlights as sicial heros for given away donated food to the people that usually dont need it while homeless people go hungry. Thank you for caring.
@Disney4ever
One of the really great things about small towns is that everyone is really close and supportive (at least they are in the small towns I've lived in). Once you make one connection, it will grow into a ton, because someone is always introducing you to someone else. I think you have an idea of how to reach out - it's just a matter of gathering up the courage to do it.
First, some ways to reach out:
1. Attend a church service if that's part of your life. And if it is, you can always reach out to the local pastor or priest or minister of the parish, introduce yourself, tell him that you're new and don't know anyone. He'll put out a big welcome wagon. (Many parishes have people who volunteer as welcomers for new visitors.)
2. Volunteer at one of the many local places that need help. Maybe it's helping pack up food for delivery to seniors, or walking dogs and playing with cats at a shelter. Find something that's comfortable for you. Every small town has a festival or parade, and they ALWAYS need help.
3. Join a Meetup Group - I'm not sure how rural you are, but just about every town has a Meetup group on some kind of topic. Everything from learning a new language to getting a real estate license to book clubs.
4. If you're on Facebook, follow/join all of your local Facebook groups to learn more about your community. This is a great way to learn more about what's going on, understand the dynamics of your new hometown, and begin chatting with the people in your area without feeling that intimidation of a face-to-face meeting initially. Then you can grow from that and then meeting people in person will be much easier.
@thoughtfulmomma - Thank you!!+!
@Disney4ever
Hey Disney! Just wanted to let you know, I moved your post over to a Share Your Story category!
Also, I can totally relate! I lived in one of the biggest cities in my country and moved to a town so small (in a state thousands of miles away) that most people who grew up there had no idea it existed. I started finding venues/businesses where people go to chill or spend time (like coffee shops and hookah lounges), and I started bringing quiet work there. Id bring homework or a notepad, my tablet (with drawing programs on it), and would just vibe by myself with headphones. There were some days youd chill with other regulars, or even start to expect to run into each other. It was really cool. Also, when the employees get to know you (at gas stations, or these other mentioned venues) and they welcome you kindly, it can make it feel less lonely when you live in a smaller populated area. — Another thing that helped me cope, was exploring around! Seeing what nature there was to see.. helps you feel more connected to a new place because it gives you a chance to see what makes it beautiful.
Wishin you the best! ♡
