ashamed of myself for extreme panic reaction
I reacted really badly to something, and am feeling really ashamed about it. I have panic disorder, and I dog-sit for work. This morning I had a really scary situation where the dog I was watching had knocked over a glass overnight and was trying to eat the glass. Then, immediately after, he escaped out the front door without a leash and tried to run off. He's very badly behaved and wasn't listening to me at all, and I had already had several problems before with him not listening. I got really freaked out that the dog was going to hurt himself and didn't know what to do because he never listens, so it ended up coming off as intense anger. I wasn't actually angry at the dog himself -- I love him -- but I was just angry that he wouldn't listen for his own safety.
I was shouting a lot to try to get him to listen, which freaked out my partner. My partner's dad has anger issues, so he is very sensitive to that, and he told me that he didn't like that I got mad at the dog. I'm so ashamed of myself for reacting badly. I know my partner would've reacted a lot better, and I feel so stupid and really hate myself for it. I wish I were a different person.
@strangelilegg
while under stress some people get upset............they may yell etc but it is not in anger but in frustration or panic about dog being loose possibly getting hurt etc. That is your job to take care of this dog.
That is not a character flaw but seen it in many people ....... especially those who have real concern
The idea we must feel bad about being frustrated we will have many in state of shutting down....... what did he do to help the situation ?
if he had the presence of mind to be calmer in dealing with situation he could have comforted your being worked up ...... instead a critic after the fact
I understand feeling shame and guilt for possibly upsetting your partner with your intense reaction. It shows you are a very understanding and empathic person. Visualize your exact situation in someone else's eyes. If it were me, I would apologize to my partner for getting so upset that I possibly upset them. See it for what it is. You were afraid for this animal that you care for, that he might cause harm to himself. That's a natural reaction to fear for someone or something we care about. A partner is someone we care about, and want the best for. Things that hurt or upset them, upset us as well, in healthy relationships. Perhaps Your partner could also understand this if you explain it to him? Use that same kindness and compassion you have for him, and be gentle, kind and forgiving to yourself as well...